Buzz
Rebuilding trust in someone who has lost it requires time and effort. While you can't solve everything for your girlfriend, you can support and encourage her by proving that you are reliable and caring. When both of you recognize the issue and work together, your relationship will grow stronger by overcoming such challenges. Good luck!
Steps
Always keep your promises.
Actions are the most effective way to build trust. No magical words can make someone trust you. Instead, you need to demonstrate your reliability through actions. If you say you want good and honest communication in the relationship, take the time to sit down with her, look into her eyes, and initiate a serious conversation.
- This applies to everything, not just discussions about your relationship. If you've agreed to walk this path together, you should invest time in planning for this journey.
Practice active listening skills.
Listen without focusing on yourself. Communication is crucial in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean talking excessively. Focus on what the other person is saying, think for a moment, and then respond. People often make the mistake of spending most of their time thinking about their own opinions and feelings. If you want her to trust you, you need to slow down and actively listen to show that you are someone worth opening up to.
- Try repeating what you’ve just heard, for example: “I heard you say you’re upset because I was late, right?” This shows you care about the other person’s concerns and helps clear up any misunderstandings.
Ask what the other person needs.
Don’t assume you know the best way to help her. People need different kinds of support. If she’s going through a tough time, does she need someone to vent to? Someone to help find solutions? Someone to quietly sit by her side? Or does she just want some alone time? The best way to prove you’re trustworthy is to ask how you can help, respect her wishes, and provide the support she needs.
Be honest and show your vulnerable side.
Show her that you trust her when you face issues. In the long run, any healthy relationship relies on the ability to discuss difficult topics. You can’t control when the other person is ready to open up, but you can control your part in the conversation. When you’re struggling, share your fears or pain with her; and if any issues arise in your relationship, don’t hesitate to bring them up and work through them together.
- Are you still in the "casual dating" phase? If you’re ready for a deeper connection, you’ll need to take that step at some point, but it’s also reasonable to wait a bit longer, especially once you’ve spent more time together outside of planned dates and met each other’s friends.
Find healthy ways to handle disagreements.
Pause arguments or switch to written communication. Trust issues can make conflicts feel unbearable, leading people to avoid or shut down conversations. If this happens, talk to her when both of you are calm and ask, “What can I do to make you feel less like running away when we argue?” Together, brainstorm ideas and suggest solutions that might help:
- Take a break: Either of you can suggest pausing the argument and stepping away to cool down. Return to the conversation once you’ve both calmed.
- If talking feels too difficult, switch to written communication to express your thoughts.
Express your feelings instead of criticizing.
Use "I" statements to focus on your feelings rather than blaming her. If you’re upset about something she did, bring it up and describe how it made you feel. This way, you’re focusing on an issue (your feelings) that both of you can work to resolve. Avoid criticizing her directly for her actions, as this will only create more conflict.
- For example, say, “I felt really sad because our date didn’t go well,” instead of “You ruined the entire date.”
Be patient.
Building trust takes time. Consistently demonstrate reliability, keep your promises, and maintain effective communication, and gradually, you will earn trust. You can’t expect someone to fully trust you immediately, especially if she has been betrayed in the past.
Understand that you’re not obligated to solve her problems.
Ultimately, her efforts are what matter most. Feelings of insecurity or emotional numbness are internal struggles. You can support her, but don’t see yourself as a lone hero rescuing her. If she works on building self-esteem and confidence as an independent individual, she can still become a more positive partner. Meanwhile, you should also strive to be the best version of yourself for your own sake.
Seek a relationship where both parties invest equally.
Ensure both of you share the same perspective. Romantic relationships don’t come easily; they require nurturing and guidance to navigate through rough patches, and effort cannot come from just one side. Now is the time for you to prove your trustworthiness – but she must also collaborate with you. If the relationship isn’t working, at some point she needs to recognize her issues, discuss them with you, and together find solutions.
Warning
- If you’re in a relationship with someone who refuses to express their emotions, it’s a toxic dynamic. If you’re reading this, it means you’re ready to put in the effort to address the issue, and that’s great! Hold onto this goal, and don’t stay in the relationship if the other person only gives superficial responses and never communicates properly.
