How to Calm Down an Upset Guy After an Argument

Dealing with an angry guy after an argument can be even more stressful than the argument itself. You'll carry the weight of thinking he's still upset with you throughout the day, even if you feel like the fault is yours. However, this feeling doesn't have to last forever – to calm a guy down, all you need is to be honest and open with him, while also choosing the right moment to talk.

Give him time and space. After a fight with your boyfriend, you might feel the urge to resolve everything immediately. However, if he's truly angry, it might be best to step back for a while. Yes, you want him to feel better soon, but it’s important to give him at least a few days until he seems calmer and more willing to talk. No matter how eager you are, trying to engage with him too soon could lead to another argument or make the misunderstanding worse.

• If he ignores you or acts cold when you approach, that means he’s not ready. Don’t force it.
• When he makes eye contact with you at least once, it’s a sign he’s ready to talk.

Find the right time and place to talk when he's ready. After giving him some space to cool down and be ready to talk, choose a quiet spot where you can have a private and effective conversation. Make sure it's a time when he isn't overwhelmed by other concerns and seems open to talking. This can help everything go more smoothly.

• Let him know you want to talk rather than springing a conversation on him unexpectedly, which could catch him off guard. Even if he’s not looking forward to it, he’ll appreciate a heads-up.
• Wherever you talk, ensure that you’re not easily interrupted by others.

Apologize – and be sincere about it. If you feel like you messed things up, be upfront about it. Don’t just say, “I’m sorry you’re angry because of me…” and blame him for overreacting. Instead, look him in the eyes, speak slowly, and remove distractions as you say, “I’m really sorry for what I did.” You can go into detail, explaining how you feel, what led to the situation, and how guilty you feel knowing you hurt him. This depends on how you feel and what you're comfortable expressing.

• If he's the one at fault, don’t apologize just to smooth things over, and consider whether you really want him in your life.

Listen if he wants to talk. After sharing your side, if he’s ready to listen, let him express his feelings. Make eye contact, stay calm, and truly focus on what he’s saying. You might be surprised by how he feels. Avoid interrupting or showing disagreement while he speaks. Show that you genuinely want to hear his perspective.

• Even if you feel he’s misinterpreting what happened, listen to his version of events. Once he’s shared his side, both of you can discuss it further to reach mutual understanding and make peace.
• If you really listen, you might learn that he has more on his mind than you realized. You could even discover that you unintentionally hurt him without knowing it.

Show affection. Have you made up with him? Congratulations! Now you can move forward and enjoy life together, just make sure not to repeat the same mistakes. Give him a hug or a kiss, gently caress him to 'seal the peace.' Just ensure that he’s genuinely comfortable and not feeling uneasy. Obviously, you shouldn’t use physical affection – like kissing or more – as a quick fix to get him to stop being angry, as this isn’t a long-term solution.

• During reconciliation, a few affectionate gestures are important to strengthen your bond. A simple pat on the hand, a shoulder squeeze, or a kiss on the cheek can help you reconnect.

Tell him how much you care about him. As you begin to show affection and warmth again, you and your boyfriend can grow closer. Don’t hesitate to let him know what he means to you, how distressed you were when he was upset, and how happy you are to have him back in your life. Be honest about how deeply you love him, and even express how much you appreciate his humor, intelligence, and other aspects of his personality.

• Don’t try to flatter him or say you love him madly if you don’t feel that way. Be truthful about your feelings.
• Let him know how sad your life has been since the argument, and how difficult it’s been to go through each day without him.

Show a romantic gesture. Don’t think romantic gestures are only for guys! Girls can be just as romantic, and you may find that a thoughtful gesture can make him melt. Create a personalized mixtape for him, buy tickets to see his favorite band, write him a heartfelt letter, or surprise him with a romantic date. These actions can show your boyfriend how much you hate arguing and how important he is to you.

• Of course, it’s not about how much money you spend, as money can’t heal love. What matters most is the sincerity and effort you put into it.

Do something he’s always wanted to try. One way to make your boyfriend happy again is by participating in an activity he’s been wanting to try. Maybe he’s mentioned wanting to try indoor rock climbing; you could go with him to see if it’s something you’d enjoy. Maybe he wants to go see a football match together; go with him and enjoy it, even if you’re not into sports. Or perhaps it’s a new restaurant he’s been talking about – book a reservation and surprise him.

• The key is to come up with the idea yourself. This shows you care about the things he loves.
• Just remember to ensure that he’s ready to make up before you plan any surprises, or your efforts might not be as effective.

Take it slow for a while. After making up with your boyfriend, be a little more cautious in your interactions. Try not to bring up sensitive topics, especially ones that led to the argument, and focus on maintaining a peaceful, lighthearted atmosphere. You don’t have to pretend to be someone completely different to please him, but you should avoid triggering another argument.

• If you’re eager to move the relationship forward, take some time to think before saying “I love you,” moving in together, or planning trips that could take the relationship to the next level.

Don’t overdo it. Making up with your boyfriend is important, but there’s a limit to how much you should push it. If you keep trying to talk to him over and over, bombarding him with love letters or calling him constantly to check if he still loves you, you're just creating insecurity in the relationship and making it harder to heal. Instead, take things slowly and trust that your relationship will strengthen with time.

• If he forgives you but still needs space, give him the time he needs. He’ll come to you when he’s ready.

Don’t gossip about him with other friends. When your friend is upset with you, you might feel the urge to vent to your other friends. However, it's best to avoid doing so unless you genuinely need advice on how to fix things. If you speak badly about him behind his back, there's a good chance that those words will get back to him, and he’ll only get angrier.

• In fact, it’s much better to speak kindly about him “behind his back.” He’ll be more likely to forgive you if he knows you’ve been respectful.

Be honest about what happened. Sometimes, even friends find it hard to be upfront with each other, but if you want the friendship to grow, honesty is the best approach. Let him know what caused the argument and how you wish you’d handled things differently. By being honest and open with him at this moment, you’ll earn his respect, and the chances of rebuilding trust and reconnecting will be much higher.

• Let him know your true feelings and what you hope to achieve from the conversation. Don’t act cold just because you're shy about expressing your emotions.

Apologize and reconcile when both are ready. Tell him that you're sorry for the argument, that you don’t want any conflict with him, that you truly value the friendship, and that life wouldn't be the same without this friendship. If you were in the wrong, now is the time to own up and talk about what happened and how you feel to move past it together.

• Simply say something like, “I’m sorry for making you upset. I really regret it.” Don’t give a half-hearted apology just to patch things up—show him that you genuinely mean it.

Hug it out. If you and your friend are close, there’s nothing wrong with giving him a hug. If both of you genuinely want to reconcile, hold him tightly to show him how much you care. Friends often don’t express how much they value each other verbally, so if you're uncomfortable saying it, show your feelings through actions and give him a warm embrace to solidify your reconciliation.

• Maybe you’ll feel a little nervous if you’ve never hugged before, but there’s nothing to worry about—it’s perfectly natural if you do it casually.

Be kinder towards him. After reconciling, you can show small acts of kindness without overdoing it or appearing as though you’re trying to win him over. Do little things like buying him coffee if he needs it, helping him study for an exam, or assisting him with a job interview prep. Treat him with more thoughtfulness and respect, and be careful not to make him uncomfortable or make careless comments.

• If you know he’s into something, like a concert or a movie, invite him to join you.

Đừng để điều này xảy ra lần nữa. Nếu thực sự muốn chứng minh rằng mình đã hiểu chuyện, bạn nên cẩn thận khi tình bạn đã được nối lại. Tránh bị lôi cuốn vào những xung đột với anh chàng đó, và quan trọng hơn, tránh lặp lại điều đã gây ra cuộc cãi vã. Chú ý hơn về hành động của bạn, học cách đọc ngôn ngữ cơ thể và biểu cảm trên gương mặt của cậu ấy để biết khi nào cậu ấy bực mình hoặc khó chịu, và cố gắng ngăn điều đó xảy ra.

• Nếu vẫn cứ hành động như cũ và tiếp tục cãi cọ, bạn sẽ không bao giờ có được tình bạn trọn vẹn. Nếu thực sự quý trọng cậu bạn này, bạn cần sẵn lòng thay đổi cách hành xử của mình.

Không xin lỗi qua tin nhắn hoặc trên mạng. Một điều bạn nên tránh là xin lỗi một anh chàng qua tin nhắn, Facebook, email hoặc bất cứ phương tiện nào không đòi hỏi nói trực tiếp. Việc bạn nỗ lực gặp mặt làm hòa chứng tỏ rằng bạn thực sự quan tâm và không hèn nhát. Tất nhiên là cũng có các trường hợp đặc biệt, chẳng hạn như bạn và chàng trai đó ở cách xa nhau cả trăm dặm thì nói qua điện thoại có thể là cách tốt nhất, nhưng bạn nên dũng cảm và trực tiếp gặp mặt để cho cậu ấy biết rằng cậu ấy xứng đáng với nỗ lực của bạn.

• Nếu bạn xin lỗi trên mạng hoặc qua tin nhắn, cậu ấy sẽ nghĩ rằng bạn không thực sự quan tâm để có thể dành thời gian và công sức vào việc này.
• Nếu bạn không xin lỗi trực tiếp, anh chàng đó có thể sẽ không trả lời.

Đừng hỏi hàng nghìn lần rằng cậu ấy còn giận không. Chiến thuật này không bao giờ là tốt cả. Chắc chắn rồi, bạn lo lắng muốn biết chàng trai đó còn giận bạn hay không, nhưng nếu cứ hỏi đi hỏi lại mãi thì bạn sẽ chỉ khiến tình hình thêm tồi tệ. Có thể bạn cho rằng hỏi nhiều lần sẽ khiến cậu ấy hết giận nhanh hơn, nhưng thực ra điều đó sẽ chỉ khiến cậu ấy không ngừng nhớ lại những gì đã xảy ra.

• Thực ra bạn sẽ biết ngay nếu cậu ấy đã hết giận. Bạn có hỏi hàng triệu lần thì cũng chẳng thay đổi được tình hình.

Đừng nói lời xin lỗi giả tạo. Nếu thực sự muốn chàng trai đó hết giận, bạn đừng đưa ra lời xin lỗi không thỏa đáng; điều đó chứng tỏ bạn chỉ xin lỗi để cậu ấy không giận bạn nữa. Đừng nói, “Mình nghĩ mình cần phải xin lỗi,” hoặc “Mình xin lỗi” một cách thụ động. Thay vì thế, bạn hãy cho thấy sự chân thành trong cách bày tỏ cảm xúc và hối lỗi. Nếu bạn xin lỗi nhưng rõ ràng là không thực lòng thì lời xin lỗi của bạn sẽ chẳng có ích gì.

• Giao tiếp bằng mắt, quay người về phía cậu ấy, và cho cậu ấy thấy bạn đau khổ thế nào khi xin lỗi.
• Cũng đừng biện hộ cho hành vi của bạn. Hãy chịu trách nhiệm cho những gì đã xảy ra.

Don’t choose the wrong time to start a conversation. Another thing you need to avoid is bringing up a difficult issue at the wrong time. Don’t try to talk when he’s busy with something important, like focusing on a game, preparing for an interview, or studying for an exam. Make sure the conversation happens when he’s accessible and not under pressure. You should also avoid talking in front of others. If you don’t make the effort to speak privately, it shows a lack of seriousness.

• If the conversation starts at the wrong time, he will be frustrated because you didn’t think carefully about the timing, and your first step will already be a misstep.

Don’t try to fix everything too quickly. Of course, it’s uncomfortable to know someone is angry with you. However, if he’s really furious, don’t try to make up right away. Give him a few days, or even a few weeks, to cool off before you attempt to talk and mend things. If you try to talk too soon, he won’t be willing to listen and will likely become even more upset.

• It might be hard to be patient in these situations, but you have to learn to do it. During that time, you can also think more clearly about what you want to say to him.