Buzz
Nothing stings more than knowing that after a disagreement, a guy is still upset with you. It can feel overwhelming to go through your day while the tension lingers, especially if you feel partially responsible. However, this doesn’t have to last forever. To get a guy to stop being mad at you, all it takes is honesty, openness, and choosing the right moment to talk things through.
Steps
Rebuilding Your Relationship After an Argument
Give him some time and space. After an argument with your boyfriend, you might feel an urgent need to resolve things immediately. But if he’s genuinely upset, it’s important to allow him a little breathing room. Though you don’t want to wait forever, giving him a few days to cool off is often necessary. Trying to talk too soon could just fuel the tension and lead to even more conflict.
- If he’s completely avoiding you and won’t even acknowledge your presence, he’s not ready to talk. Respect his space.
- Once he starts making eye contact and seems open to communication, it’s a good sign he’s ready to talk things through.
Choose the right moment and environment to talk when he’s ready. After some time has passed and your boyfriend is starting to soften, it’s important to find a quiet, private spot to have an open conversation. Make sure to pick a moment when he isn’t stressed out by other things and seems open to chatting. The timing is key to ensure the conversation flows smoothly.
- Let him know in advance that you’d like to talk. Surprising him with the conversation might catch him off guard, even if he’s not looking forward to it. A heads-up is always better than a surprise.
- Make sure the location is free from interruptions, like friends barging in.
Offer a sincere apology. If you feel you’ve truly messed up, it’s essential to admit it openly. Avoid phrases like, “I’m sorry you’re upset because I…” which might shift the blame onto him. Instead, look him in the eye, speak calmly, put away distractions, and say, “I’m really sorry for what I did.” Take the time to explain how you feel, why you made the mistake, and how sorry you are for hurting him. Be honest and show vulnerability.
- If he’s the one at fault, don’t apologize just to move past it. Reflect on whether you want him in your life and if you’re truly ready to forgive.
Listen actively when he wants to talk. After you’ve shared your side, it’s crucial to listen carefully to how he’s feeling. Focus on him, maintain eye contact, and resist the urge to fidget. Hear him out completely. Even if you disagree with parts of his account, allow him to express himself fully. Listening with care shows you value his emotions and are open to understanding his perspective.
- Even if you feel he’s not telling the whole story, hearing his side will give you a chance to talk things through and reach an understanding.
- By truly listening, you might realize there’s more to his feelings than you first thought, and that you may have unintentionally hurt him in ways you didn’t expect.
Show some affection. Once you’ve made up, it’s time to reconnect physically. A hug, kiss, or just being close can reaffirm your bond. Just be sure he’s genuinely moved past the anger and is ready for it. Avoid using affection as a tactic to ‘win him over’ while he’s still angry, as it’s not a sustainable solution.
- When you’re ready to make amends, even small gestures like holding hands, a gentle squeeze on the shoulder, or a kiss on the cheek can make a big difference in rebuilding your connection.
Express how much you care about him. As things start to feel more normal again, take the opportunity to share how much he means to you. Let him know how hurt you were by his anger and how happy you are that he’s back in your life. Be genuine in your expressions of love, and don’t be afraid to elaborate on the things you love about him, whether it’s his humor, intelligence, or any other trait you admire.
- Be authentic—don’t tell him you’re madly in love if you’re not. Share your real feelings and how much you’ve missed him, and let him know how hard it’s been without him.
Make a thoughtful romantic gesture. Romance isn’t just for guys! Girls can be just as romantic, and a little gesture can make your boyfriend feel special. You could create a personalized playlist, surprise him with tickets to his favorite band, write him a heartfelt letter, or take him out on an unexpected date. These acts will show him how much you dislike fighting and remind him of how much he truly means to you.
- It’s not about spending a lot of money, as money can’t fix everything. What truly matters is the thought and effort you put into it.
Do something he’s always wanted to try. A great way to win back your boyfriend’s favor is to do something exciting he’s always wanted to experience. Maybe he’s been dying to try rock climbing—why not go with him? If he loves baseball but you’re not into sports, join him at a game without complaining. Or perhaps there’s a new restaurant he’s been wanting to check out—surprise him with a reservation.
- The key is that the idea comes from you. It shows you’ve been paying attention to his interests.
- Be sure he’s ready to move past things before organizing any surprise plans, though. If he’s not, your well-meaning efforts might not have the impact you expect.
Be extra mindful for a while. After you’ve reconciled with your boyfriend, it’s important to be a bit more cautious. Avoid bringing up sensitive topics, particularly the one that sparked the argument, and keep things light and fun. While you shouldn’t completely alter your behavior, be mindful of what you say to prevent reigniting tensions.
- If you’re thinking about taking the next step in your relationship, like saying “I love you” or moving in together, wait for the right moment before diving into those conversations.
Don’t overdo it. While it’s important to repair your relationship, you should know that there’s such a thing as trying too hard. If you keep bombarding him with love notes, constant calls, or repeatedly asking if he’s forgiven you, you might end up creating more tension. Instead, give him space, let things heal naturally, and trust that your relationship will grow stronger with time.
- If he’s forgiven you but still needs space, don’t rush him—he’ll come around when he’s ready.
Rebuilding Your Friendship After a Disagreement
Don’t talk badly about him to others. When a guy friend is upset with you, it can be tempting to vent to your other friends. However, avoid badmouthing him unless you're seeking advice on how to resolve the situation. If you're speaking negatively about him behind his back, chances are he’ll find out, and it will only make him more upset.
- In fact, it’s better to speak positively about him when he’s not around. If those comments come back to him, it might help ease the tension and encourage him to forgive you.
Be honest about the situation. It might be tough, but if you want to restore the friendship, honesty is crucial. Be upfront about what triggered the argument and share what you wish you'd done differently. This openness will earn you his respect and increase the chances of mending your friendship.
- Be clear about your feelings and intentions. Don’t try to play it cool just to protect your pride. Let him know how you genuinely feel and what you hope to achieve from the conversation.
Apologize and make amends when you're both ready. Let him know how much you regret the fallout, that you hate being at odds with him, and that you value his friendship deeply. If you made a mistake, take responsibility and express your feelings so that both of you can move past the conflict.
- Don’t offer a half-hearted apology just to end the conversation—be sincere. Say something like, “I’m really sorry for hurting your feelings, and I regret what happened.” Make sure he knows you mean it.
Give him a hug. If you and your guy friend share a strong bond, there’s no harm in offering a hug once you’ve reconciled. If you're both happy to move forward and are genuinely excited to continue the friendship, a warm bear hug can be a great way to show how much you care. Many guys aren’t as verbal about expressing their appreciation, so a hug can convey your feelings just as well.
- If you’ve never hugged him before, don’t overthink it. Treat it as a simple, natural gesture of friendship.
Show a little extra kindness afterward. Once you've made amends, consider showing your friend some extra thoughtfulness without making it obvious you're trying to win him over. A small favor, like grabbing coffee for him or helping him study, can show you care. Additionally, try to be more respectful and considerate in your interactions to avoid any careless mistakes.
- If you know he’s been wanting to do something, like attending a concert or watching a movie, consider inviting him along to show that you're thinking of his interests.
Learn from your mistakes. If you truly want to show that you’ve grown from the situation, be mindful moving forward. Avoid repeating the same arguments with the guy, and more importantly, avoid doing the things that sparked the fight in the first place. Be more aware of your actions and pay attention to his body language and expressions to understand when he’s upset or uncomfortable, and try to prevent these moments.
- Continuing to make the same mistakes and fighting over and over will only harm your friendship. If you care about your guy friend, be ready to adjust your behavior.
What to Avoid at All Costs
Don’t apologize through text or online messages. A crucial mistake to avoid is apologizing through text, email, Facebook, or any medium where you’re not face-to-face. Making the effort to apologize in person shows you truly care and that you're not avoiding the situation. Of course, if you’re far apart, like being hundreds of miles away, a phone call might be the next best option, but always aim for in-person to show he’s worth your time.
- Apologizing online can make it seem like you don’t care enough to put in real effort.
- If you don’t apologize in person, he may not even acknowledge your attempt to apologize.
Don’t ask him if he’s still mad over and over. This tactic is never helpful. While you may feel the urge to find out if he’s still angry, repeatedly asking will only make things worse. It might seem like asking will speed up the process of him forgiving you, but it’ll actually just keep the issue alive longer as you’ll keep reminding him of the problem.
- In reality, when he’s no longer angry, you’ll know. Constantly asking won’t change a thing.
Don’t give a half-hearted apology. If you want to stop him from being mad, never offer a fake apology just to get him to stop being upset with you. Avoid saying things like, “I guess I should apologize,” or offering a passive-aggressive apology. Instead, be sincere and show that you truly regret what happened. An apology that lacks genuine emotion will only make things worse.
- Make eye contact, turn your body toward him, and let him see your regret when you apologize.
- Don’t excuse your behavior. Take full responsibility for what happened.
Choose the right moment to talk. It’s important not to approach the guy at the wrong time. Avoid trying to resolve the issue just before he’s about to do something significant, like pitching in a baseball game, heading into a job interview, or sitting an exam. Wait until he seems calm and approachable. Also, don’t bring up if he’s mad in front of others; addressing it privately shows you’re serious about solving the problem.
- Attempting to talk to him when it’s not a good time will only frustrate him, especially if he feels you didn’t take the timing into account properly. This will only make things harder.
Don’t rush to fix things. It’s natural to want to resolve things quickly when someone is upset with you. However, if the guy is truly angry, don’t rush in to make amends the very same day. Allow him some time, whether it’s a few days or even weeks, to cool off before trying to reconnect. Trying to talk to him too soon will only lead to more frustration and may make him even angrier.
- Patience is key here. Give him the space he needs, and use that time to reflect on what you want to say when the time is right.
EXPERT ADVICE
John Keegan
Dating Coach
Dating Coach
If you find yourselves repeating the same arguments, take a step back. Once the intensity of the situation has died down, engage in a calm and respectful conversation. Focus on working together to find solutions that promote a healthier and more positive dynamic in the future.
