Buzz
Your personality is a collection of many patterns - thoughts, actions, and feelings - that define who you are. And do you know what? You can change these patterns. It will require effort, but if you're truly committed to this idea, anything is possible. However, you must remember that your old personality will frequently resurface, as our beliefs and thoughts are shaped by life experiences.
Steps
Establish a Foundation
Write out your plan. This involves two parts: what you want to change and what you want to become. You can't have one without the other. This is a significant effort you must undertake; you need to know exactly what battle you're choosing before you begin.
- How will the new personality you intend to adopt contribute to your personal development? Many people at this stage conclude that changing their personality isn't necessary, but rather, adjusting a small habit that negatively affects their interactions with others. Is it enough to just make an adjustment to succeed?
- If you hope to emulate someone, you should clearly define what you admire about them. Don't just look at them and say, "Yes, I want to be like that." Identify the specific qualities you admire – is it how they handle situations? How they speak? How they walk or move? More importantly, does it contribute to their happiness?
Tell others about it. One reason why Alcoholics Anonymous has been so successful is because you can openly talk about things that you don't usually discuss, and you do so publicly. Having someone to hold you accountable will provide external motivation that you wouldn't get if you were alone.
- Talk to your friends about what you hope to achieve. If they are reliable, they will help keep you on track (whether by telling you you're acting strange or by guiding you in the right direction). Their intellectual capabilities and broader perspective will help you understand how you should act and what impression you're leaving on others.
Establish a reward system. A reward can be anything. Anything at all. It could be something small, like moving a marble from one pocket to another, or something grand like a vacation. Whatever it is, make it worth it.
- And you should set milestones along the way. If you approach that attractive girl on Friday and say a word, that's progress. If next week you approach her and tell a complete story, that's awesome! You need to reward yourself for every step; everything is a challenge.
Change the way you think
Stop labeling yourself. When you think of yourself as shy or reserved, you will use that as an excuse. Why didn't you go to that party on Friday? ... That's right. You had no reason not to. When you stop thinking of yourself in this way, the world will open up before you.
- You are constantly evolving. If you see yourself as someone who's deeply passionate about music, you'll notice you adopt those traits. But if you realize you're always growing and changing, you'll become more open to opportunities that inspire growth, opportunities that you would typically avoid.
Stop thinking in "fixed" terms. Similar to labeling yourself, you should stop thinking in one direction. Boys aren't scary, authorities aren't evil, and textbooks are actually useful. Once you realize that your perspective on something determines its meaning for you, you'll see there are more possibilities and therefore more choices in how you behave.
- Some people view certain traits as "fixed," and this significantly impacts their behavior. In contrast, a "growth" mindset is where one believes that traits are malleable and can continuously evolve. This way of thinking develops early in childhood and can become ingrained in personality. If you believe everything is "fixed," you won't believe you can change them. How would you view the world? It could define how you perceive yourself in relationships, how you handle conflict, and how quickly you can bounce back after failure.
Eliminate negative thoughts. Just stop. The beauty of your brain is that it’s part of you, and therefore, you must take control over it. If you catch yourself thinking, "Oh no, I can't, I can't, I can't," you will never get anything done. When that voice begins to speak, shut it down. It’s not helping you.
- When that voice pops up, make it sound like Donald Duck. That way, it’ll be much harder to take it seriously.
- Lift your head up. Literally. Changing your body language will change how you feel and think.
Change the pattern of your feelings
Fake it till you make it. In Zen Buddhism, there’s a saying that the way out is through the front door. If you want to become less shy, you need to start approaching people and talking to them. If you admire people who love reading, you should start reading books. Just dive in. People tend to fall into bad habits, but there are ways to break them.
- No one knows that deep inside you feel like you're about to die. Do you know why? Because it will soon pass. Your mind is remarkably adaptable. What once terrified you, with enough practice, will eventually become a thing of the past.
Assume you have a different personality. Acting may have a bad reputation, but if Dustin Hoffman can do it, so can we. With this method, you fully immerse yourself in someone else. That person is not you; it’s the person you're striving to become.
- This process happens 24/7. You need to embody the habits of this new personality in every situation. How do they sit? What does their relaxed expression look like? What are their interests? How do they pass time? Who do they interact with?
Give yourself a specific time to panic. It’s certainly silly to expect you to completely shed your old self and build a new personality just through the power of thought and habits alone. There’s no way you can maintain this 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. So, you should allow yourself a set period of time to fully feel the emotions you desire.
- If you have to attend a daunting party on Friday, tell yourself that Friday night or Saturday morning, you can take 20 minutes to totally panic about it. 20 minutes of complete irrationality. That’s it. Stick to it. You know what will happen? You’ll realize you didn’t even need that time.
Change your behavioral patterns
Immerse yourself in new environments. Truly, the only way to notice a change in yourself is by introducing fresh elements into your life. To achieve this, you need to choose new behaviors, meet new people, and engage in new activities. You can’t keep doing the same things over and over and expect different results.
- Start small. Join a club. Take on a job outside your skill set. Start reading about a new topic. Additionally, you should distance yourself from your old environment. You won’t want to associate with people who are doing exactly the opposite of what you're trying to achieve.
- Self-training. If you're afraid of spiders, lock yourself in a room with one. Every day, get 1 cm closer to it. Eventually, you’ll sit next to it, and who knows, you might even catch it later. Regular exposure will desensitize your brain. Now, replace "the spider" with any of your own goals.
Keep a journal. You’ll need strong self-awareness to keep track of your progress. Journaling will help you organize your thoughts and analyze how you are adapting to change. Write down what works and what doesn’t, so you can adjust your methods accordingly.
Say "yes". If stepping into new environments feels difficult, think about this: stop saying no to opportunities. If you notice signs that your old self finds something boring, you should reconsider. If a friend asks you to do something completely unfamiliar, agree to it. You'll improve because of it.
- However, you need to make safe decisions for yourself. If someone asks you to jump off a cliff, don’t do it. Remember to think things through.
Make the final adjustments
Choose your clothes. While it's often said that the wood's quality matters more than the paint, your attire helps set the right mindset. Though it doesn't change your personality, it serves as a reminder of the person you are striving to become.
- It could be small things, like wearing a hat. If certain elements reflect the new version of yourself, make sure you're aware of them. By doing so, you'll feel more in harmony with yourself, minimizing cognitive dissonance.
Select your habits. Clothing and thought patterns might not be enough on their own. You should consider what this new version of yourself would want to do and actually do. Do they seek social interaction? Stay away from social media? Read the newspaper? Whatever it is, take action.
- You don’t have to take on big tasks—small ones count too. Does this person always carry a pink purse? Does that person listen to a specific band? Live in character as much as possible.
Stabilize your mindset. Now that you’ve chosen new habits, and perhaps new friends and schedules, you might feel a bit challenged. What’s essential now is that you appreciate yourself, no matter where you are or what you’ve become. Get started and commit to maintaining it.
- Giving up on yourself mentally can be dangerous. If you succeed, you might need time to realize that you truly are "yourself". Relax. This feeling will come as long as you align your desires with your happiness.
Reflect on your new personality. Have you achieved what you wanted? Do others now think of you in a more positive light because you’ve acted and dressed differently? Are you ready to sacrifice your true self to mimic an ideal person in a fake way?
- Some people might decide that what they really need is not a personality change, but acceptance of their true nature and a willingness to improve themselves, rather than completely altering who they are. The choice is yours, but make sure you’re doing this for the right reasons.
Advice
- Don't get upset if you're unable to change immediately; it will take some time.
- If you feel like you can't change due to your parents or someone else in your life, start by taking small steps. Gradually reduce habits you dislike and create new, better ones. If your parents ask what's going on, explain that your self-esteem isn't the issue, but you're simply working on becoming more comfortable with yourself.
- Change slowly; abrupt changes may cause others to question. Address the issues you're dealing with, and gradually, it will feel natural.
- Start during the summer, and by autumn, people will notice the new you.
- Never change who you are just because someone else doesn't like you. If you're a bookworm, don't become a trendy person just because they seem 'cool.' Consider a group of rebellious Goths at your school. They mock the trendy people and joke that one day all the bullies will work for them.
- Don't change just to be liked by others. Change for yourself – because you want to become a better person.
- It's better to strengthen your character rather than completely changing who you are. Focus on the positives, gradually eliminate the negatives, and remember that no one is perfect, but you should always strive to be your best.
- If you dislike yourself, choose someone you admire and observe their actions. Always ask yourself, 'What would they do?' before making decisions. Hopefully, this will help you.
- Keep your head high, and never give up. Change is challenging, but it’s worth it and rewarding.
- Consider getting a new haircut, and refreshing your wardrobe can also be helpful.
- Make sure your close friends or family are aware of your plans, in case something doesn’t go as expected.
- Know yourself well, and remember to enjoy every happy moment life offers.
Warning
- It’s essential to understand that if you make significant changes to your personality, your friends may not be fond of the ‘new’ you.
