Buzz
This guide explains how to start conversations on Tinder - the dating app that helps people connect with others they like.
Steps
Tips for Chatting
Choose an Attractive Profile Picture. Your profile picture is key to showcasing your appearance and personality. Be sure to pick a photo that best represents who you are. This is also true when viewing others' profiles - the image they choose can reveal a lot about their efforts in building their profile and how seriously they are about finding a match.
- For more tips on building your Tinder profile, check out this guide.
Lisa Shield
Marriage and Relationship Expert
Marriage and Relationship Expert
Be cautious when choosing photos, especially if you're a woman. Lisa Shield, an expert in love and relationships, says: "Many women choose revealing photos and accompany their profiles with party images filled with alcohol and other women. However, some 'hunters' will see these photos and assume you're easy, so they send you messages every morning like 'Hey, beautiful' and 'I've been thinking about you.' Many women enjoy this attention, which makes it an effective strategy for men."
Pair up with a few people. You can only chat with users on Tinder who have matched with you. To match, you need to 'Like' (Swipe right) several profiles. When you're new on Tinder, your profile will appear at the top of the list of potential matches in your area. Swipe right to 'Like' someone or swipe left to pass.
- To match, both you and the other person must 'Like' each other's profiles.
Start the conversation. After matching, you can begin chatting with the other person. First, open the Tinder app and go to Messages. Then, tap on the person's photo and you can immediately craft your first message.
- Many recommend waiting at least a day before starting a conversation. This helps avoid coming off as too eager.
Set the tone for the conversation. The key to starting a conversation with someone is creating the right atmosphere. You likely want to pique their interest so they want to get to know you more. However, avoid coming on too strong. Being too aggressive can scare them off. On the other hand, don’t be too passive, as it might make them lose interest. Talking about shared interests is a great way to kick things off and pave the way for deeper discussions.
- Avoid starting with 'Hi' or 'Hey.' Instead, comment on something in their profile or a detail in their photo.
Avoid asking awkward questions. Here are some basic questions you should avoid asking someone you just started dating or have just met:
- Don’t ask, “Do I look fat?” If you don’t want an honest answer, don’t ask. Weight is a sensitive topic, and hearing an answer you don’t want can hurt your feelings and lead to an argument that could have easily been avoided in the first place.
- Don’t ask about their past relationships. Asking about previous dating experiences when you’ve just met can come across as nosy. Let them get to know you before diving into such personal topics.
- Don’t ask about the future of your relationship. Asking this too soon implies heavy expectations that you two are destined to be a perfect couple. Questions about marriage or children early on will make them feel uncomfortable.
- Don’t ask questions to feed your own ego. Asking questions that put the other person in an awkward position will only create discomfort. For example:
- “If I fell into shark-infested waters, would you jump in to save me?”
- “If offered one billion dollars to leave me, would you take it?”
Always be natural and true to yourself. Ask questions that you’d actually like to be asked. Also, remember to converse as if they’re standing right in front of you. Avoid being too forward and instead try to learn about the other person subtly.
- Check out the hobbies and interests they list in their profile to see if you share any common ground.
- Make sure to be interesting. Tinder is fast-paced, and dull messages will get ignored. Use your conversations to show off your creativity and sense of humor to stand out from the crowd.
Meet them as soon as possible. Again, Tinder is a quick dating service. To leave a lasting impression, you need time for face-to-face interaction. While Tinder is a great platform to initiate connections, you still need to invest time in those connections.
- Try saying things like, “Would you like to ask me these questions when we meet?” or “Let’s meet up this weekend.” This will help you transition into the next step of meeting in person.
Chatting on Tinder
Open the Tinder app with the orange-red flame icon.
- You must download and install the Tinder app on your device to start chatting.
Tap on the "Chat" icon. This is the speech bubble icon located at the top-right corner of the screen.
Tap on the person you matched with. Select the profile picture of the match you'd like to start a conversation with.
- New matches — people you haven't yet chatted with — typically appear at the top of the screen under the "New Matches" section.
- Ongoing conversations are displayed under the "Messages" section.
- You can only message people you've already matched with.
Tap on the Type a Message… field at the bottom of the screen.
Compose a message using your device's keyboard.
- Tap the GIF button on the left of the message box to send an animated image.
Tap on the Send button on the right side of the message box.
- When your match replies or sends a message (or when you get a new match), a red dot will appear on the Chat icon on the main Tinder page.
Set up notifications. Let Tinder know how you'd like to be alerted when you receive new messages:
- Tap the gray shadow icon in the top-left corner of the Tinder home screen.
- Tap SETTINGS in the middle of the screen on the right.
- Scroll down and toggle the Messages slider to the "On" (red) position.
- Tap the Done button at the top-right of the screen. This way, you will receive notifications for new messages even if the Tinder app is closed.
