How to Chat with the Girl You Like

Starting a conversation with someone you have feelings for can be nerve-wracking, especially when you’re unsure how to act. Don’t worry, this guide will help you overcome the challenges of talking to the person you’re interested in.

Develop Your Interests. You don't need to be overly smart to find conversation topics, but having a few passions and hobbies helps. People who can talk naturally about their interests often make conversations more engaging compared to those who rely on scripted lines and vague hopes of dating success.

• Create a list of interests. Write down everything you enjoy, as detailed as possible. For example, instead of simply listing "music," specify "playing classical guitar, attending live concerts, collecting old Linkin Park vinyls."
• Expand the list into broader topics. Using the example above, compare the type of guitar you own or would love to own, discuss concerts you’ve attended, or talk about your favorite funk bands.
• Reflect on your thoughts for each topic. Doing this will help you better understand yourself. When talking about something you’re passionate about, you’ll speak more confidently and explain why you’re so interested, which will steer the conversation in a positive direction.

Practice speaking out loud. Getting used to speaking out loud will help you speak better. One of the easiest and most straightforward things you can do to feel more comfortable while talking is to practice speaking loudly to yourself. This will help you get accustomed to your voice and be proactive in speaking, rather than just responding to others.

• Choose the right time and place. The best time is when you're home alone. You don’t need a detailed plan, just take advantage of the opportunity when it arises.
• Say something. Try to talk about something rather than muttering a few words. Narrate to yourself the plot of a TV show or movie you’ve watched. If you can't think of a topic, pick up a book and read aloud.
  • When reading, try to pronounce the words naturally instead of sounding monotonous like many people tend to do. Read one or two sentences in your mind first, then speak them aloud as if you're expressing your own thoughts.
  • Poetry books are perfect for practice. Poems are meant to be read aloud and need focus to read them naturally, preventing distractions from the fear of sounding awkward.
• Practice speaking more. Aim to speak out loud for at least one minute. Over time, this will help you become more comfortable initiating conversations and expressing your thoughts, skills that are essential for making a good impression on someone you’re interested in.

Engage in conversations with women. Whether you regularly meet women at work, school, a bar, or elsewhere, try to start conversations and chat with them. This will help you gain experience and become less fearful when talking to women, even if you're attracted to them.

• Start with people you already know, like colleagues. Ask about how their week has been and use brief questions to encourage them to talk more. Most women will be happy to chat with you for a few minutes.
  • If she asks a similar question after telling you her story, answer politely with a response that offers the same level of detail. (Forget about the idea that you’re just practicing to improve your communication with women.)
• Be friendly with your teammates. Whether in school or during volunteer work, you’ll often work in groups with others. If you’re not familiar with the woman in your group, simply being friendly is enough to make both of you feel comfortable while communicating.
  • Talk about the project instead of focusing on her. If she responds positively, you can continue and add a few light stories or simple questions during the conversation.
    • Avoid asking personal details about her life. Instead, ask for her thoughts on someone, like a teacher or an upcoming event that you both are familiar with.
  • Don’t talk too much. Show enthusiasm for helping and completing the project together. Speak as though your thoughts naturally come to mind instead of trying to find something to say.

Always be prepared. To make a positive impression on a girl, the minimum you need to do is manage your actions and personal hygiene.

• Follow a daily hygiene routine, including: showering, washing your face, brushing your teeth, and taking care of your hair. Use deodorant and trim your nails regularly.
  • If you wear perfume, remember: less is more. Apply a small amount to your wrists and the back of your neck, where it can be detected within 30 to 70 centimeters. A high-quality perfume will dry and release fragrance for hours, so no need to reapply.
• Always dress your best. Wear clean clothes and prepare your outfit for the evening ahead of time so you don’t have to make a last-minute decision.
• Aim to act appropriately. You don’t need to be overly serious if humor is part of your personality, but avoid saying or doing anything you wouldn’t want her to know. You can’t predict how she’ll perceive things. Be kind, forgive others, and avoid creating trouble from being overly excited.

Approach her. If you see an opportunity for a brief private conversation with her, even when others are around, seize it and start a conversation with her.

• Catch her attention. Call her name and wave while smiling when meeting her. Always greet her cheerfully when you cross paths.
• Go to her. Approach her as soon as she notices you. Don’t wait for her to come to you. Show initiative and confidence by closing the distance yourself.
• If she seems unhappy or appears annoyed by your greeting, or pretends not to hear you, she may not be interested in getting to know you. In this case, move on and find someone who is excited to meet you. You deserve someone who is happy to see you.

Start a conversation. Now that you feel comfortable talking to women and confident that you're an interesting person who can discuss a variety of topics, this is the perfect chance to make a positive impression using the skills you've practiced.

• If you're not yet familiar with her, introduce yourself and mention where you two have met before. When she recognizes you, she'll likely ask polite questions like, 'How have you been?' or 'How are you?' Don't respond indifferently; you should answer enthusiastically with content that can extend the conversation.
  • If things aren’t going well, you can mention that you just saw her and thought it would be nice to say hello. This approach will give you control and allow you to steer the conversation in your direction.

Keep the conversation going for a few more minutes. Ask her about people and places that you both know. Pay close attention as she answers your questions and share your thoughts humorously.

• For instance, if you both attend Mr. Son’s class – a teacher who always seems tired – ask her about him and comment on his tired appearance when she answers your question.

Always stay positive. Smile and don't be afraid to make eye contact while talking to her. Remember the saying: 'When you smile, the whole world smiles with you; when you cry, you cry alone.' We leave a good impression when we make others happy when they’re around us.

• Avoid discussing serious or sad topics during the conversation. If it comes up (for example, if she asks about someone who recently passed away), answer honestly but don’t let the conversation revolve around that issue.

Take initiative. If the conversation seems a bit dull but is still progressing well, tell her about a recent event related to your personal interests. For example, if you were discussing music earlier, mention a concert you recently attended or a new album you bought.

• Don’t go into too much detail about your interests. Keep it general so she can understand without needing specialized knowledge. Give her the opportunity to share her thoughts or change the subject. The key is to keep the conversation interesting and avoid it becoming a dead end.

Ask for her phone number. Tell her you’ve really enjoyed the conversation and suggest that you should meet again soon. Then ask for her phone number. Depending on how fast or slow you want things to go, asking for the phone number right away may not always be the best move, but it can serve as a bridge between saying goodbye and arranging to meet again.

• Alternatively, you can connect on Facebook or ask for her email address. This approach won’t make you seem too forward about meeting up like asking for her phone number might, and most people are comfortable sharing their social media details.

Goodbye. Let her know you'll be calling (or reaching out) soon, and give her a wave with a smile. If everything goes well, you can start planning for the next meeting or even the first date within the next week or two.