How to Combat Depression and Loneliness

Recognize Some Common Forms of Incorrect Thinking. Incorrect thinking is a way of framing the world that makes you feel like you are constantly fighting an uphill battle. Some common examples include:

• Polarized Thinking: Not allowing any gray area in life or only thinking in 'black and white.'
• Selective or Minimizing Positive Things: Focusing on the negative aspects of a situation while ignoring the positive ones.
• Fortune Telling: Thinking you know what will happen in the future.
• Mind Reading: Assuming you know what others are thinking negatively about you or feeling responsible for their negative emotions.
• Overgeneralization: Believing that one bad experience will lead to many more.
• Blaming: Blaming yourself for things that are not your responsibility.
• Emotional Reasoning: Letting your emotions guide your thoughts or affect your perception of a situation.
• Using Commanding Language: Using terms like "should, must, need" in your thoughts, which can be a form of self-judgment.
• Magnification or Minimization: Thinking a problem is worse than it really is or trying to ignore mistakes.
• Labeling: Using derogatory terms to reduce your entire self-worth based on one flaw or mistake.

Find a journal to write in. Writing a daily journal is a powerful tool for self-reflection, enabling you to analyze your personal thoughts without external assistance. Journaling can help you identify and modify your thought patterns and behaviors. This method has been proven to alleviate stress, a common side effect of depression and loneliness.

• Choose whatever works best for you. This could be a notebook, loose sheets from a notepad, or a desktop computer.

Track your emotions in your daily journal. Our thoughts deeply influence how we feel and how we perceive and interpret our environment, future, or ourselves. Those suffering from depression often feel worthless, disliked, or insignificant, and they often view their surroundings as overwhelming, with insurmountable obstacles, and their future as hopeless.

• Many people struggling with depression feel incapable of changing their emotions or life trajectory. Our thoughts significantly impact how we feel and act, which is the foundation of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT has been shown to effectively treat depression. Those who undergo CBT have a lower risk of relapse compared to those treated solely with medication.
• A great way to begin this process is by tracking your spontaneous emotions and thoughts in a journal or daily log. Start by noting mood changes, then analyze which thoughts appeared before you noticed any shifts in feelings.
• For example:
  • Event: I received negative feedback on my presentation at work.
  • Emotion: I felt embarrassed.
• Here’s another example:
  • Event: I forgot to sign the birthday card for my boss.
  • Emotion: I felt regretful and awkward.

Write down your spontaneous thoughts. These are the thoughts that arise in your mind spontaneously. They typically fall into three categories: thoughts about yourself, about the world, and about the future. Once you’ve identified your feelings about an event when your mood changes, you can begin analyzing the corresponding spontaneous thoughts. You can then assess how ineffective these thoughts are and challenge them by finding evidence for or against them.

• In your journal, create a chart to record specific situations, the corresponding emotions, and the thoughts that occurred before you became aware of those feelings.
• For example:
  • Event: I received negative feedback on my presentation at work.
  • Emotion: I felt embarrassed.
  • Spontaneous thought: I’m so stupid.
  • Identifying the ineffective thought: You’re labeling yourself.
• Here’s another example:
  • Event: I forgot to sign the birthday card for my boss.
  • Emotion: I felt regretful and awkward.
  • Spontaneous thought: I know my boss hates me.
  • Identifying the ineffective thought: You’re mind-reading.

Write down logical thoughts to reframe your spontaneous thinking. Counteract automatic, unhelpful thinking with more rational thoughts. Some ways to create more logical thoughts include finding supporting or opposing evidence for the spontaneous thoughts, reflecting on past situations where spontaneous thoughts were incorrect, and analyzing the situation to identify mistakes and fairly assign responsibility for the emotions and events to those involved.

• For example:
  • Event: I received negative feedback on my presentation at work.
  • Emotion: I felt embarrassed.
  • Spontaneous thought: I’m so stupid.
  • Logical thought: I am not defined by my thoughts or actions. I am not stupid. I made a mistake, and I will do better next time.
• Here’s another example:
  • Event: I forgot to sign the birthday card for my boss.
  • Emotion: I felt regretful and awkward.
  • Spontaneous thought: I know my boss hates me.
  • Logical thought: I can’t know what my boss is thinking about me. It was an honest oversight. I can always wish my boss a happy birthday directly.

Plan each hour of your day. Combat depression and loneliness by keeping your daily schedule organized. Using a structured routine helps fight feelings of apathy, hopelessness, and reduces the time spent ruminating, all of which are symptoms of depression.

• Ruminating is when you continuously replay a situation or problem in your mind, similar to a broken record. While some people view rumination as problem-solving ("I am thinking deeply about the issue from all angles until I find a solution"), if the problem is frustrating, you will only stay upset until you stop thinking about it.
• Look for a planning tool that allows you to create an hourly schedule. Ensure that you have a plan for every hour of the day. Include time for journaling, breaks, exercise, relaxation, and self-care. To combat loneliness, set aside time to connect with a social group or care for a pet.

Review your schedule regularly. Carry your schedule with you to help ensure you stick to it. It's crucial to follow each activity, so mentally prepare by knowing what comes next in your day.

Check how you feel during activities. Once you've completed some tasks according to your schedule, note how successful you felt about completing the task and how satisfied you were with the experience. Tracking your success and satisfaction can be helpful if you ever feel like you can't fix things or enjoy anything.

• Avoid rating activities with an all-or-nothing scale. Instead, try assessing them on a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being poor performance or low satisfaction, and 10 being the highest success and satisfaction.

Practice becoming self-sufficient. Building self-sufficiency is often necessary for people with depression who become overly dependent on friends or family members for daily needs. The self-sufficiency process starts with taking responsibility for self-care.

• It's important to begin with one area, such as planning your day. For example, you could start by taking responsibility for your showering routine. You can also track your level of control over this responsibility. If you used to only get out of bed without showering, that may seem unskilled, but it's far better than before. Use your planning tool and the sense of accomplishment to help regain a sense of self-care. Once you're able to shower on your own, you can move on to making your bed, cleaning it, and so on.

Include some "helpful" distractions in your plan during overwhelming moments. Knowing when and how to use distractions can be a helpful tool against rumination and stress. There are certain "helpful" distractions you can use when you feel overwhelmed, ruminating, or lonely.

• Examples include: exercising, having coffee with a friend, painting, reading, meditating, or playing with a pet. Write these distraction techniques in your journal or planning tool and refer to them regularly to remind yourself of ways to combat distractions.

Consider the similarities between you and others. Sometimes, loneliness stems from the belief that your experiences are different from those of others. However, we all share a wide range of emotions, from joy and love to frustration and anger. Reflect on how universal human experiences are.

Engage in small talk with those you interact with. If you're feeling lonely, having a quick conversation with a grocery store clerk or a bank employee can help you feel more connected, even if the interaction is brief.

• Even simple gestures, like greeting a neighbor, can foster a sense of connection. It might even be the small push you need to start a conversation that could lead to a lifelong friendship.

Put yourself in social situations. You may feel isolated because you're shy or new to a school or town. One way to overcome loneliness is to embrace the challenge and take action. Start by engaging with someone you find interesting or ask an acquaintance if they'd like to go hiking with you. You never know—they might feel just as lonely as you and appreciate your invitation.

Connect with people who share your interests. Loneliness can arise when you have niche hobbies. Perhaps you love mountain biking, but don't know anyone else who shares that passion. Look for online communities or clubs dedicated to your activity. If you can't find anyone locally, there's a good chance you'll discover an in-person group nearby.

Volunteer in your community. When feeling lonely, it's easy to focus on your own emotions and unmet needs. However, shifting your attention to the needs of others can help reframe your feelings. Look for nonprofit organizations in your community. For example, you could volunteer at an animal shelter.

Adjust your sleep schedule. Recent studies show that while you sleep, your brain undergoes a cleaning process. The body uses this time to eliminate toxins and harmful substances. Insufficient sleep increases the risk of mental stress because the buildup makes it difficult for the brain to function properly.

• Ensure you're getting continuous, restful sleep to keep your brain in optimal condition.
• Most adults need about 8 hours of sleep, though some may need more, while others need less. Experiment to find the sleep duration that works best for you.

Get plenty of daylight. Daylight plays a role in managing depression. For some, conditions like Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) occur due to the lack of sunlight during winter, leading to severe depression. For others, staying indoors for too long can contribute to the issue. In either case, make sure you get sunlight every day.

• Consider having lunch outdoors, even on colder days.
• Try walking to work or school for at least part of the way to increase your exposure to daylight.
• You may also want to invest in a UV lamp or a light therapy device, with guidance from your doctor.

Incorporate exercise into your routine. Exercise triggers the release of chemicals called endorphins and serotonin in the brain. These substances help you avoid muscle pain and have other benefits: they make you feel happy. A lack of these chemicals is associated with depression, and many antidepressants work by regulating them. This means that exercising can help manage depression.

• Running or swimming are great exercises to help relieve depression because they engage your body and mind in a way that distracts from stress and brings you into the moment.
• Aim for about 35 minutes of exercise a day or an hour, three times a week. Research has shown this to be the most effective exercise schedule to combat depression.

Consume nutritious, health-boosting foods. What you eat can impact your brain in various ways. Numerous studies suggest that certain ingredients in modern diets, like gluten and sugar, may contribute to depression. Aim to include more nutrient-dense foods such as vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and proteins to nourish your brain. Reduce your intake of refined sugars, processed foods, and fried items.

Increase your intake of omega-3 fatty acids. These are essential for brain health. There is evidence that diets rich in omega-3 fatty acids can improve mood. Ideal sources of omega-3 include fish and eggs. You can also consider taking fish oil supplements.

Understand what 'external help' means for you. It's important to recognize what 'external help' means to you personally and when you might need to seek it. These are personal choices, similar to the decisions we make when selecting a healthcare program. However, it's crucial to realize that not reaching out for help, even from family and friends, can be a sign of depression when someone isolates themselves out of feeling like a burden or weak due to depression. Some possible definitions of 'external help' include:

• For some, 'external help' might involve using psychiatric medication to treat depression.
• Others may seek therapy, while some opt for a 'completely natural' approach.
• Some people may avoid seeing a specialist because they feel stigmatized, angry, or pressured.
• Others may even be reluctant to accept 'external help' from friends and family.

Avoid withdrawing from social support. It's important to recognize that depression is not who you are. It's an illness like any other. Don't let misguided thoughts about being a burden or weak isolate you from connecting with your family and friends and seeking their support when needed. Social support is a critical protective factor against depression and loneliness.

• In fact, studies show that social support can alleviate stress and help find solutions, especially for those struggling with depression.
• Moreover, social support is the number one solution to combat loneliness because it helps you connect with others and stay engaged with life.

Create a safety plan. You might want to feel like you have the strength to battle depression on your own and overcome it. While this is admirable, remember that mental health should be your top priority to have the upper hand in fighting depression.

• Identify the person you can reach out to and plan the type of external help you will seek if you need significant support against depression. This kind of plan is called a safety plan and should include the names of friends, family members, doctors, and emergency contact numbers to call for assistance.
• For example, you might create a list with a few important phone numbers: your mom's, your best friend's, your doctor's, and the emergency room or hospital nurse's phone number.
• In the U.S., people also include the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) and local police or emergency services (911). In Vietnam, you can call 1900599930 to reach the Psychological Crisis Prevention Center (PCP) or dial 115 for emergencies.

Inform your contact about your plan. Share with them how they can assist if you reach out to them in the future. Let them know what specific tasks would be helpful, if there is no immediate danger. For instance, they can stay with you until you're no longer a threat to yourself. In many cases, you may need them to contact a doctor or take you to the emergency room for an evaluation.

Seek immediate help if you're considering suicide. If you're experiencing suicidal thoughts or no longer wish to live or continue daily activities, it's important to reach out for help. Call 1900599930 to contact the Psychological Crisis Prevention Center (PCP) or dial 115 for emergencies.