How to Comfort a Friend Who Is Feeling Down

No one likes to see others sad, but when it’s your friend, you can’t just stand by and do nothing. Maybe she had an argument with her partner, didn’t get the promotion, lost a loved one, was diagnosed with a serious illness, or experienced some other traumatic event that left her feeling down. Fortunately, she has a friend like you to help her through this tough time. Here are some tips to help you comfort your friend.

Ask if there’s anything wrong. Ask if she wants to talk about it. You can say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been really down lately. Is something bothering you?” She might really want to talk about it and just be waiting for someone to ask. So, listen to her response. Be silent and don’t interrupt. You don’t need to offer advice or suggestions unless she asks for it.

• If she doesn’t want to talk, respect her choice. She might be hurting too much and feels that talking about it will overwhelm her. She just needs some time to accept the situation and her emotions. Give her that time and let her know you’re there for her if she wants to share later.

Comfort her with empathy. Remind her that she is a wonderful person and that she means a lot to you. Acknowledge her feelings when she shares her sadness. You could say: “I know this is really hard. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.” Continue showing kindness and encouraging her. Always be a loyal friend. This isn’t the time to abandon or avoid her.

• Don’t share her problems with others.
• If she asks for advice, share your thoughts with her.
• If you don’t know what to say, suggest someone who could help, such as a trusted friend, a family member, or a professional.

Try to understand what your friend is going through. If you can’t understand, just listen. You might offer help without encouraging actions you don’t agree with. Don’t criticize or add salt to her wounds. For example, if she’s upset after an argument with her husband, don’t say: “I told you not to marry him.”

• If you can’t say what she wants to hear, reassure her that you are always there for her, no matter what.
• Don’t belittle her feelings.
• A hug or holding her hand speaks volumes.

Be patient. Your friend might be irritable or angry with you, and she might snap at you. Don’t take it personally. Let it go and remember that she’s not herself right now. She’s going through a lot of stress, and you know she’s had her fair share of happy times in the past.

Make her laugh. Do something silly together. Play some music and dance awkwardly. Watch a comedy movie with her. Tell her funny stories. Reminisce about funny memories you both share.

Suggest taking her to a fun place. Go shopping together. It could turn out to be a delightful trip. Take her out for lunch or introduce her to others. Pay attention to her personality and preferences. Ask yourself: “What can I do to uplift her and distract her? What does she enjoy doing?”

• Initially, your friend may turn down your invitation. She might say that she doesn't feel like going anywhere. Encourage her and let her know she doesn't have to face this alone, and meeting others could be helpful for her.

Buy her a thoughtful gift or a lovely card. It could be a simple gift like a box of chocolates, a bottle of perfume, or her favorite flowers. A card with comforting words, addressing her current situation, could also lift her spirits. These gifts will convey to her that you appreciate her and are always thinking about her. They will also help her momentarily forget her problems, even if only briefly.

• Your gesture will show her that there are still many people who care about her pain and genuinely want to help.
• She will remember the thoughtful things you've done when she felt sad and alone.

Offer to help her with something. Ask if there’s anything you can do to assist her. Offer to babysit so she can have some time to herself to process her emotions. You could run errands and/or cook a few meals for her. Help her with house chores. If her parents are seriously ill, offer to accompany her to take them to the hospital.

Let her know you are always there for her. She might need some time alone. Give her space, but make sure she knows she can call you whenever she needs. If she calls you at 2 a.m., pick up the phone and listen to her. If she needs to see you at 3 a.m., get out of bed and go to her.

• Don’t forget to check in and ask how she's doing.

Talk to mutual friends. Mutual friends can provide comfort and help her feel better. You shouldn’t share things she has told you in confidence. Before telling them about her troubles, ask her first if it’s okay to share what she's going through, and make sure you understand what details are appropriate to reveal.

Suggest seeing a professional. If your friend’s sadness persists and is affecting her daily life, or if you feel that you cannot help her feel better, it might be a sign that her issues are more serious than just feeling down from a temporary problem. She could be dealing with depression. Be honest about your concerns and encourage her to talk to someone about what she’s experiencing. Help her find a counselor or therapist, and take her to a clinic if necessary.

• If you believe your friend is contemplating suicide, seek immediate help. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) - the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the U.S., or in Vietnam, you can call the crisis center at 1900599930, pressing 1 for the Psychological and Suicide Crisis Prevention Center (PCP).
• If your friend is facing a serious crisis, call 115 or 911 (in the U.S.).

• Don’t make her feel pressured when you try to encourage her. That will overwhelm her and cause her to pull away from you.