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Finding the right words to comfort someone during a difficult period is not an easy task for many. Depending on the closeness between you and the individual, you may express your empathy and concern in different ways. Refer to the suggestions in this article to help you choose the right words when you wish to offer comfort to someone.
Steps
Acknowledge their pain.
Let the person know you feel their pain. Choose the right time and setting to express that you understand what they are going through. This will make them feel more comfortable opening up.
- You don’t need to be specific if you don’t wish to. You can say: “I know this is a tough time for you and your family.”
- Alternatively, you can say: “I know you’re really struggling right now.”
Offer your condolences to them.
These are appropriate words to start comforting someone. If you're unsure how to comfort someone, simply say, “My condolences to you.” If you feel comfortable, you can elaborate on what exactly you are mourning with them.
- For example, if your loved one has recently had a miscarriage, you might say: “I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby.”
- Or, if a friend’s father has passed, you can say: “My condolences to your family.”
Try to distract them if they don't want to talk.
Let them know you're there for them by helping them take their mind off the sorrow. You can invite them out for dinner or to see a movie. Alternatively, invite them over to your place for a chat. Let them know you are available anytime they want to meet or take their mind off the tough time they’re going through.
- For instance, when a friend has lost a parent, you can say: “I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. Would you like to go out for dinner with me?”
- Or, if a colleague has just broken up with their partner, you might say: “I’ve been through this before. If you want to go out for lunch to get your mind off things, just let me know!”
Ask how they are feeling.
This is how you can help the person open up and talk to you. Don't assume you know how they feel about the situation they're facing. Instead, ask them and let them guide you in understanding their pain. You could say:
- "I know you're going through a tough time. How do you feel about what happened today?"
- "How do you feel about what just occurred?"
- "Why are you crying like that?"
- "What is it that triggered these emotions?"
Talk about the other person's emotions.
Learn more about the challenges they are going through. Listen to what they share about their tough time. Try to genuinely understand their feelings.
- For example, you could say: "I know you're upset, but I don’t fully understand why this happened."
- Alternatively, you might say: "I get why you're feeling hurt and angry about what just happened."
- Showing empathy is a powerful way to comfort someone who is struggling.
Reassure them that it's okay to cry.
Many people bottle up their sadness because they feel crying is shameful. You need to let the person going through a hard time know that it's okay to cry in front of you if they need to. Letting out their emotions can truly help them heal.
- For example, if a friend appears strong after a divorce and you know they're hurting, you might say: "If you want to cry, it's okay. I know you're in pain right now."
- Or, if a friend is grieving the loss of their dog, you might say: "I'm here if you need someone to talk to. You don’t have to hold back your tears in front of me."
Say 'I love you' if it's appropriate.
Genuine words of love can comfort a close friend or family member. When you see someone you care about going through a tough time, muster the courage to express your love for them. This is when they need love the most.
- For instance, if your younger brother is sad about the loss of his pet dog, you could say: "I just want you to know that I love you."
- Or, if your best friend just lost their father/mother and is confiding in you over the phone, you might say: "I love you" before ending the call.
Be sincere and honest.
You may empathize with their loss, or you may not know what to say. If you're unsure of how to comfort someone, let them know, but still show you care. Or, if you truly understand their loss and pain, share your feelings to demonstrate your empathy.
- For example, you might say: "I'm so sorry to hear about your father. We had such wonderful childhood memories with him. I'm really heartbroken to hear the news."
- Alternatively, you might say: "Right now, I don’t know what to say, and my words probably won’t take away your sadness, but I just want you to know I care and I'm here for you."
Don't offer unsolicited advice.
People often don't seek advice when they're feeling down. Avoid giving advice about what they should or shouldn't do during tough times. Instead, focus on making sure they know you're there for them and acknowledge that they're going through a difficult period.
- For instance, if someone is upset because their beloved cat has run away and hasn't come back, don't say they should have checked the windows before heading outside. Instead, say, “I’m really sorry this happened. I’ll help you look for your cat.”
- Or, if someone is feeling down because they were just let go from their job, don't say, “You should start looking for a new job now.” Instead, say, “I’m really sorry. If you need any help with your job search, just let me know.”
Refrain from explaining or justifying the situation further.
Comments you make with good intentions might make the person feel worse. Don't tell someone who's just lost a loved one that their relative has gone to a better place or that it was meant to be. Avoid using empty phrases like “Things shouldn’t have happened this way” to justify breakups or job losses.
- For example, if a friend's father has passed away, don’t say, “Now they're no longer in pain.” Instead, say, “I’m so sorry for your loss. I know this is a really hard time for you.”
- Or, if a friend has lost their job, don’t say, “Maybe this job wasn’t the right fit for you anyway.” Instead, say, “I know this must be confusing for you right now, but I’m here to support you in any way I can.”
