How to Comfort Your Girlfriend When She's Feeling Down

When your girlfriend is feeling down, there are two main ways to comfort her. She will need emotional support through your words, and she will also need reassurance through the gestures you offer her. She will feel better soon if you combine these approaches in the right way.

Ask her what happened. Regardless of your opinion, keep it to yourself. Let her express herself and talk about the issue, and just nod and say a few words when necessary. If she doesn’t want to share, don’t force her. Some girls prefer not to explain why they are upset. In such cases, simply let her know that you care and give her space to cry.

• "How are you feeling?"
• "Hey, is something bothering you lately?"
• "You seem upset. Is something wrong?"
• "I’m here to listen if you want to talk."

Be empathetic with her, don't judge her hastily. Even if you disagree with her issue, it doesn't matter. Reassure her that you're always there for her. Take her to a private place and tell her she can cry. Let her know you're on her side.

• "I know how tough this must feel right now. I'm really sorry."
• "I can't imagine how you're feeling. I know this can't be easy."
• "I'm so sorry you're feeling down. Let me know if there's anything I can do to make things better."

Acknowledge the issue and briefly express your feelings. Simply showing that you see and understand their issue means the world. Keep it short and straightforward.

• "I'm really sad to hear your mom is sick."
• "I know you truly deserved that promotion. I'm sorry it didn't work out."
• "She's such a great friend, and I'm also sad she's moving away."

Avoid giving advice. Most people are upset because there’s no easy solution. So, don’t try to offer any suggestions. She might overthink it, and your advice will only make her feel like her problem is hopeless. Instead, say:

• "This must be really tough for you."
• "I wish I had the answer or a solution. Just know I’m here for you, no matter what."
• "What do you think will happen next?"
• "How do you want to handle this?"

Show empathy and respect her feelings. This can be tough, but as long as you let her lead, you can help her process her emotions. Allow her to express her feelings instead of assuming or projecting your own experiences. Acknowledging her emotions helps her manage them:

• "I know you really wanted that job. I'd feel disappointed too if I were in your shoes."
• "You have every right to feel sad; I would too."
• "I can see you're upset and frustrated. I get it, it really sucks."

Always stay optimistic. This is very important. When comforting her, always remind her that things will get better. She will believe your advice, so make sure it's not negative. Bring your positive energy to the conversation, and she'll slowly, but surely, start to feel better.

• "Let it go. I know it feels bad right now, but these emotions will pass."
• "Remember the happy times we shared. Do you recall when..."
• "I know it feels tough now. But I’ll be here with you until it gets better."

Avoid belittling her problem or sounding condescending. Remember, you're not there to magically make everything better, you're there to support her. Telling her "It's okay" or "I've been through something similar" may prevent her from feeling like you're adding to her sadness. What you shouldn’t say includes:

• "You were way too invested in that job anyway. It wasn't even worth your time." She’s upset because she believed it was worth her time.
• "I know exactly how you feel." Everyone faces their own struggles – you don't know exactly how she feels, and she'll sense that.
• "You're so strong – you'll be fine." Sometimes, people need time to be vulnerable. Don't make her feel like she can't be hurt unless she looks "weak."
• "I didn't know it was this bad. I should've told you about the time I..." This isn’t your old issue, so don't change the subject.

Be patient when she's in a bad mood. This doesn’t mean being passive, rather it means observing, waiting, and knowing when to act. It may take some time for your girlfriend to open up, depending on how upset she is. You can only know when to act through communication. Regularly ask her if she’s ready to talk about it yet.

• Only leave her alone if she asks for it. Even if she seems angry or upset, stay close until she calms down.

Use affectionate gestures to comfort her. Gentle touches can have a powerful effect. They release love hormones that help increase feelings of closeness, connection, trust, and intimacy. If you're holding hands, gently rub her finger or trace circles on the back of her hand. You can also place your hand on her shoulder or waist for a similar effect.

• Holding hands is a great stress reliever. This simple act boosts trust and safety, while lowering cortisol levels (the "stress hormone").

Hug her. Give a tight hug, but a gentle back rub or soft pat can help calm her before starting a conversation. Remember, you're hugging to comfort her, so make sure she feels safe and protected.

• Hugs create a sense of security. We bond through them to find peace of mind.

Don’t overdo it. A gentle touch or hug is more than enough to comfort your girlfriend. If she wants to kiss you, she will make the move herself.

Take her somewhere special. Take her to a place where she can be surprised by your thoughtful gestures. She might not want to be around a crowd at the moment. Suggest a little getaway so she can take her mind off the sadness.

• Plan a private picnic just for the two of you.
• Take her to a spa for a massage in the afternoon.
• Go watch a new comedy movie together.
• Take her for a peaceful walk.

• Don’t storm off in anger. If she’s not ready to talk, wait until she feels like it.
• Once she calms down, run a bath for her and go out to get some chocolate or something she likes. This will show that you care about what she’s going through.
• If you can’t help her directly, suggest that she talk to a friend. Offer to take her there and pick her up when she feels better.
• Say some romantic words and kiss her.

• Be cautious when using humor to lift her spirits. She might appreciate your efforts, but any joke you make could easily lead to disappointment.
• Most girls will appreciate your attempts to comfort them, but some prefer being alone when they’re upset. If she acts or says she wants space, step back and give her the room she needs. Don’t push it, as she may later change her mind and want you by her side.