How to Compliment Someone Who Doesn't Accept Compliments

Knowing how to offer advice in a gentle way is a crucial communication skill in life. Equally important is the ability to accept compliments graciously. However, some people may feel uncomfortable accepting praise. They might withdraw or misinterpret the compliment. Understanding the reasons behind their behavior can help you guide them to embrace compliments more comfortably.

Turn the compliment into your own emotion. It's harder for them to dismiss it when you're sharing your personal feelings.

• "I've never seen eyes as blue as yours."
• "The piano piece you just played made me feel so calm and peaceful."
• "Seeing your smile truly brightens my day!"
• "I couldn't have finished this project without you. You've helped me so much, and I truly appreciate it."

Be Honest. People can easily detect fake compliments and flattery. Not only does it make you appear untrustworthy, but it can also damage your relationships.

• Consider the reasons behind your compliment. Compliments should make the other person feel appreciated and valued, not serve your own agenda.

Be Specific. Sometimes, the most memorable compliments are the most specific because they show genuine attention to detail.

• "I really liked how you answered the questions during the presentation today. You helped the team find a solution that benefited everyone."
• "That shirt looks amazing on you. The color matches your eyes perfectly."

Compliment with Subtlety. Get creative in how you offer compliments so that others feel comfortable without direct praise.

• Ask for a recipe if you like the dish she made or request cooking tips. She will feel appreciated.
• Bring up how others speak highly of her or mention how much people care about her.
• Volunteer together to show her how much she can contribute to helping others.

Compliment Whenever You Feel Like It. If giving compliments is part of who you are, don't stop just because you don't receive positive feedback from others. If praising others is ingrained in your character, continue to express it freely.

• Even if the person doesn't accept your compliment, you still activate their brain regions, encouraging them to perform better.
• Compliments can also boost someone's self-esteem. Even if they don't consciously accept the compliment, it still has an effect.

Avoid Speaking Ill of Others and Discussing Your Own Flaws. Developing a positive habit will help others recognize how critical we are of both others and ourselves. You can be a great example of self-positivity and recognizing your own value, so when you offer a compliment, others will trust you.

• Avoid speaking negatively about yourself or others. When you belittle yourself without external influence, it still has a negative impact.
• This is especially crucial for children and teenagers, as they will learn these behaviors from the adults around them.

Notice the Positive Traits in Others. One way to help build someone's self-esteem is by highlighting their positive qualities. Acknowledge their potential for growth in life due to their great character.

Let Them Know They Often Reject Compliments. People tend to reject or downplay compliments, but gently pointing this out can help them realize this habit and learn to accept praise.

• Let the person know that you wouldn’t say something you don’t truly believe, and that it hurts your feelings when they dismiss or disbelieve the kind things you say about them.

Recognize Low Self-Esteem in People. However, some people truly struggle with self-love. This can arise in environments lacking care or from other factors, and overcoming it is very challenging.

• Someone with low self-esteem may not appreciate compliments because they conflict with their negative self-view, and they may not be able to believe them.
• They might think that receiving a compliment implies you have high expectations of them that they fear they can’t meet, and they don’t want to disappoint you.

Understand Cultural Differences. Is the person from a different country or culture than you? This could be part of the reason.

• Some cultures dislike compliments because they feel like they’re being pampered, as if you’re treating them like a child.
• Additionally, accepting advice in some cultures can be seen as overstepping others, which is difficult to accept.

Consider Gender Differences. Women often find it difficult to accept compliments. They may do everything they can to prove that you’re wrong or minimize the positive aspects about themselves.

• Women are often taught to be humble, unlike men, which makes accepting compliments challenging.
• They are also taught not to compare themselves in ways that might make others feel bad, so they will reject compliments to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings.

• You should either accept it or move on if someone refuses to accept your compliment.

• When someone rejects a compliment, it has nothing to do with the person giving it. If you’ve been polite, remember that it’s not your fault, but rather theirs.