Buzz
It might be time to let the person you've been secretly admiring know how you truly feel, but what's the best way to do it? You’ll need to muster the courage to share your emotions, and once you're open and honest with them, regardless of the outcome, you'll feel much better. If you're wondering how to confess without getting too anxious or doing something awkward, just follow the steps below.
Steps
Reacting properly
Don't be disappointed if the person doesn't share your feelings. If they don’t feel the same way, it’s not the end of the world. You can be proud of yourself for having the confidence to confess, and at least you’ll get the answer you’ve been wondering about, even if it’s not what you hoped for. If they don't return your feelings, just say, 'It’s okay' or 'Thanks for listening'. Be polite and kind when saying goodbye – avoid saying things that might make them feel guilty, such as 'I knew this would happen' or 'Nobody likes me'.
- Remember, having the courage to express your feelings to someone you like will help you feel more confident in future relationships and decisions.
Don't act strange when you meet them if you know they don't like you. If they don't feel the same way, it's okay! If you're still friends, try to make things easier for a while, but that doesn't mean you should avoid or run away from them next time you meet. Just do what you usually do and act cheerful when you see them again. Remember, they can't control their feelings, so you just need to pretend to be indifferent.
Celebrate if they like you too. If they return your feelings, enjoy the feeling of being on cloud nine. Be proud of yourself for having the courage to express your emotions and feel happy about spending time together or even dating. You can take your time and carefully decide what to do next. They’ll be impressed by your honesty and confidence, and they’ll want to hang out with you as soon as possible.
Confess directly
Dress nicely, but not too flashy. Of course, you want to look your best for your confession. Just don’t overdress if you prefer a more natural look, or wear an entirely new outfit if you usually dress casually. You don’t want them to think you’re trying too hard to send the right message. Just aim to dress a bit more polished than usual – this will help boost your confidence when you express your feelings.
Pick the right time and place. To get the best outcome, you need to choose a moment when they’re almost alone and in a relaxed environment. Don’t do it during class, as they might be surprised or distracted by an upcoming math test. Instead, pick a time when you know both of you will have some privacy, like after class or during a group activity, when you can easily pull them aside for a quick conversation.
Tell them you have something to discuss. Don't make it seem like a big deal – just act like you’re preparing to ask for help with homework or something similar. Let them know you want to talk about something in private, but without the pressure of a serious conversation. It’s better if you come across as casual, but not *too* casual. Simply say, 'Hey, I have something I’d like to talk to you about after class, just for a few minutes, is that okay?'
Lighten the mood with a joke or playful teasing. You shouldn’t say, 'I like you!' right away, as they might still feel a little uncomfortable or confused about why it’s just the two of you. Instead, try making them laugh with a silly joke, a self-deprecating comment, or a louder laugh at something they said. Laughter will put them in a more positive mindset and make them more receptive to what you’re about to say.
Be straightforward. No need to hesitate. Once you’re alone and they’re feeling more at ease, it’s time to express your feelings right away, the sooner the better. This will help you feel less nervous and avoid rambling. Simply say something like, 'I want to tell you that I like you' or 'I really enjoy hanging out with you, and I want you to know how I feel.'
- When you speak, make sure to look them in the eyes and keep your body relaxed. Don’t stand too close, or look down at the floor, as this might come across as overly eager or too distant.
- Using their name while expressing your feelings will make it sound more personal, like saying 'Nam, I have something to say to you...' instead of just 'I have something to say to you.'
- Don’t overprepare what you’re going to say. The more you prepare, the more pressure you’ll feel.
Wait for their reaction. Don’t rush them with a question like, 'So, what do you think?' They might be surprised and need some time to process what you’ve said, whether or not they share your feelings. Take a deep breath, step away, and give them time to respond. If they say, 'Thank you for sharing that' or 'Can I think about it for a while?', they might feel the same way but just need more time. This is completely natural. To increase your chances of success, stay calm after you’ve spoken your part.
Express your feelings in a different way
Confessing over the phone. While in-person conversations may make you appear more confident and mature, and confessing over the phone is often seen as less ideal, if you’re truly shy and can’t express your feelings face-to-face, calling them and sharing your emotions is your best option. Simply start with a greeting, ease them into the conversation with a few jokes or casual comments, and then say, 'I have something I’d like to tell you,' before pouring out your heart.
- Talking over the phone helps alleviate some anxiety since you won’t be face-to-face with them. However, if you're still nervous, walking around can help reduce that uneasy feeling.
- If you decide to confess over the phone, practice by calling one of your friends and rehearsing what you want to say before.
Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Relationship Expert
If you text them after a date or gathering, don’t wait three days. Waiting three days before texting someone is no longer an effective strategy, because everyone has their phone on them 24/7. Waiting too long can give the other person the wrong impression. You need to find a balance between keeping them intrigued with your message and not texting too much, which could make the chase and mystery disappear.
Express your feelings with a sweet note. Leaving a cute note in their locker, notebook, or backpack can be a thoughtful way to confess. Just write something like, "Hi Bao, I just wanted to say that I like you." Finding the note at the right time could be a fun surprise – just make sure it’s placed somewhere easy to find.
- Be cautious with notes – they can get lost or passed around, and you don’t want anyone else to see it.
Invite them out casually. If you’re too anxious to say, 'I like you,' you can bypass that moment by inviting them to hang out. You might say you have an extra movie ticket or spot at an event and want them to join, ask if they’re hungry or want to grab a snack or coffee, or invite them for a walk in the park. Asking them out casually will make your feelings more obvious, and they’ll be in a position to react if they pick up on it.
Know what not to do. There are a few things you should avoid if you want to confess and get the best possible outcome. If you want to appear confident and mature, keep the following in mind:
- Don’t have your friends speak for you. If you want to seem more grown-up in their eyes, you need to do this yourself.
- Don’t confess through Facebook. This can give the impression that you're not serious or confident enough to face them directly.
- Don’t rush when telling someone you like them. A simple "I like you" will be more effective and less intimidating than saying, "I've loved you since second grade..."
Advice
- If you’re really nervous, you can write down what you want to say and anticipate how they might respond with a yes/no.
- Make sure you're sure that you like them enough to confess. If you’re unsure, take the time to get to know them better.
- If you’re anxious, try not to act too serious or laugh too much.
- Dress in a way that makes you feel confident. When you feel good about your outfit, your actions will radiate confidence as well.
- If you blush too much, don’t worry or try to hide it. Just take a deep breath and look them in the eyes.
- Make sure you actually like them, not just because everyone else is dating or because you feel pressured to be in a relationship.
- Try to feel comfortable in your shared environment. If not, suggest going somewhere else.
- Don’t confess when their friends are around, in case they mock you.
- Don’t push a friend to invite them out.
- Don’t ask others to find out if they like you. That will only make them suspicious, and your plan will backfire.
- If they say, "Sorry, but I don’t feel the same way," reply with, "I understand."
Warning
- Don’t express your feelings in an inappropriate or ‘bold’ manner. Flirting can be effective, but not in this way.
- If they reject you, don’t immediately move on to confessing to someone else, especially if it’s a friend of the person who just turned you down.
- If you face rejection, though difficult to accept, you will get through it with the support of family, friends, and the small joys in life. It’s just a matter of time.
