Buzz
You always wish the best for your daughter, but her boyfriend may not meet those ideals. So, what should you do? If you firmly oppose and start forbidding her from seeing him, she might just end up clinging to him even more. On the other hand, if you do nothing, your daughter might not know how to end the relationship. Thankfully, by having an open conversation with her about what a healthy relationship looks like, showing love and support, and encouraging her to make the right decision, she could come to understand the situation. Here are some ways to help guide her through this journey.
Steps
Resist the urge to forbid your daughter from seeing her boyfriend.
If you use your authority to forbid her, she might only want to stay with him more. Do you remember how you were at her age? No child admits that their parents know best, and your daughter will likely run to her boyfriend if you tell her she can't see him anymore. It's easy to want to just tell her to stop dating him, but it's better to approach this issue with a gentler approach.
- While you may feel tempted to intervene directly with him, this often backfires, and your daughter may see it as an invasion of her privacy. She'll eventually understand, but it's important to let her figure it out on her own.
- There are two exceptions: one is if your daughter is between the ages of 11 and 14, and you believe she is too young to be dating, or if you think she is making potentially dangerous decisions. After all, as a parent, you have the right to intervene.
Offer advice only when your daughter asks for it.
Perhaps you're aware that your daughter isn't easily open with you. Teenagers often ignore the advice of adults. You may see flaws in her boyfriend that she doesn't, but this is irrelevant if she isn't seeking guidance. If she wants help, she will ask you! When that moment comes, you can express your thoughts about the boy she's dating.
- For example, if she asks what you think of her boyfriend, you could say, "I think you could have a better choice, but I only want what's best for you. If you're happy, and he treats you with love and respect, I won't oppose."
- Remember, this may be your daughter's first relationship, and she might make mistakes. That's okay. Every relationship is an opportunity for her to learn. Avoid offering unsolicited advice every time she mentions her boyfriend.
Encourage your daughter to invite her boyfriend over more often.
Even if it feels uncomfortable, try to meet her boyfriend. Pretend to be eager to meet him. Ask her to invite him over for dinner and make her feel at ease. Show curiosity about her relationship to create a comfortable atmosphere between you both.
- There's an old saying that advises people to stay close to their friends, but even closer to their enemies. No matter how much you dislike him, you should encourage your daughter to bring him over to understand the situation better.
- When he comes over, you'll observe how your daughter interacts with him, which will help you give more informed advice when she asks.
- If you don't know him well, he might not be as bad as you think. Perhaps you'll feel more at ease with her relationship after getting to know him better.
Maintain a relaxed atmosphere.
You can ask your daughter about her dating life, but don’t pressure her. Ask how things are going with her boyfriend and observe her usual behavior. If your daughter knows you’ll respect her privacy and are open to talking about relationships, you’ll create an environment where she feels comfortable confiding in you.
- You might ask, "Hey, how's everything with Dung?" with a smile. If she says, "It's fine, mom," keep smiling and say, "That’s great!" Over time, she’ll understand that you simply want her happiness.
- Don’t complain if she tells you not to ask or pry. Knowing when to stop is also a way to support her.
Talk to your daughter about healthy relationships.
Your daughter might not understand what a good relationship looks like. Have conversations with her about what behaviors are appropriate and inappropriate in romantic relationships. You don’t need to sit down for a serious talk every time; just occasionally chat with her about love and respect. Be honest, open, and positive in your discussions.
- You can say things like: "I really want you to feel supported. If your friends or boyfriend ever make you feel like you can’t turn to them for help, that means they don’t care about you," and "Remember, no one has the right to touch you if you don’t want them to."
- You can also ask, "Have you ever felt afraid to tell someone how you feel? You know you don’t have to be afraid to tell me, your friends, or your boyfriend, right?"
- Ask her what she sees in her boyfriend and what she likes most about him. Encourage her to think more about the qualities she wants in a partner.
- Be a role model by demonstrating healthy and positive relationship behaviors in your own life! If your daughter sees you respecting boundaries, caring for family, and giving people the space they need, she’ll follow your example.
Love and support your daughter.
No matter what happens, always show your daughter that you care about her. If you make her feel guilty about her decisions or refuse to give her something because she’s still seeing that boy, she won’t open up to you. If you make her feel loved and supported, she’ll be more likely to listen when you talk about leaving him.
- If one day your daughter comes home crying after a fight with her boyfriend, don’t say, "I told you that guy wasn’t right for you!" Instead, say, "What happened, sweetie? Do you want to talk about it?"
Build a positive self-image for your daughter.
The higher her self-esteem, the more she’ll expect from her boyfriend. If he’s not the right guy or lacks good manners, your daughter might end the relationship because she believes she deserves more. Remind her how interesting, energetic, and intelligent she is. Praise her when she excels academically, treats others with kindness, and works hard at home.
- If you help her feel proud of herself, she’ll be more likely to end a toxic relationship.
- If you constantly criticize her, she might seek validation from the wrong guy.
- When your daughter feels confident about who she is, she’ll expect to be treated well. If her boyfriend belittles her, she’ll notice that behavior.
Encourage your daughter to spend time with her friends.
Separate the couple as much as possible. If you encourage your daughter to focus on healthier and more positive relationships, she won’t spend as much time with him. Additionally, her friends might help her see that she could have better choices in her romantic life. Instead of telling her not to meet him, encourage her to maintain positive connections with others.
- Here’s another benefit you might not immediately see: Your daughter will start caring about your opinion! If you keep encouraging her to hang out with her friends, she may move away from her boyfriend.
Focus on the relationship between the couple instead of focusing on him.
Nếu bạn nói xấu cậu kia, con gái bạn sẽ muốn bảo vệ cậu ta. Thay vào đó, bạn nên nhắc đến con gái và bạn trai của con như một cặp đôi mỗi khi nói chuyện. Điều này sẽ khuyến khích con gái bạn suy nghĩ kỹ hơn về động lực của bản thân với cậu ta. Nếu mối quan hệ của cặp đôi không lành mạnh, điều này có thể khiến cô bé nhận ra vấn đề.
- Ví dụ, thay vì nói “Mẹ không chịu được cái cậu này. Nó toàn hủy cuộc hẹn với con vào phút chót,” bạn có thể nói “Mẹ thấy mối quan hệ của hai đứa thú vị nhỉ. Hai đứa lúc nào cũng có thể thoải mái hủy các buổi hẹn hò.”
- Bạn cũng có thể hỏi các câu như “Hai đứa dạo này có vui vẻ không?” hay “Con với bạn trai định làm gì vào cuối tuần này?”
Nhẹ nhàng chỉ ra những dấu hiệu cảnh báo.
Trao đổi với con gái về các hành vi có vấn đề để con gái bạn suy nghĩ. Bạn có thể nhân dịp nào đó tiện thể nhắc đến hoặc hỏi con về các dấu hiệu báo động mà bạn nhận thấy mà không phê phán. Con bạn có thể không biết đâu là các dấu hiệu cần cảnh giác. Nếu bạn giúp cho con gái bạn suy nghĩ về những điều này, cô bé sẽ tự đi đến kết luận đúng đắn.
- Ví dụ, khi biết cậu bạn trai kia không làm gì cho ngày sinh nhật của con gái bạn, bạn có thể chỉ muốn nói ngay “Cậu ta chẳng quan tâm gì đến con.” Thay vào đó, hãy hỏi “Thế con và Đăng định làm gì vào ngày sinh nhật con thế?” Hãy để cho con gái bạn suy nghĩ về việc đó.
- Nếu cậu ta thường hạ thấp con gái bạn, hãy nói “Mẹ nhìn thấy cách hai đứa nói chuyện với nhau. Con cảm thấy thế nào khi Đăng nó nói về cách ăn mặc của con?” thay vì bảo “Mẹ ghét cái kiểu thằng Đăng nó chế giễu bộ đồ của con.”
Xin lỗi và nhường nhịn nếu con bạn nổi cáu.
Nếu con bạn cáu gắt khi bạn nói về bạn trai của con, bạn nên rút lui. Cãi nhau vào lúc này sẽ không có ích gì. Hãy tỏ ra tôn trọng ranh giới bằng cách nói “Thôi được, mẹ không nói nữa” và bỏ qua. Khi bạn tôn trọng mong muốn của con, cô bé sẽ cảm thấy mình có khả năng kiểm soát các mối quan hệ cá nhân và thấy rằng bạn không chen vào các quyết định của con.
- Nghe có vẻ khác thường, nhưng con gái bạn sẽ cảm thấy mạnh mẽ hơn khi bạn rút lui. Cô bé sẽ tự tin hơn khi cảm thấy mình có toàn quyền quyết định.
Accept that your daughter is learning from experience.
Remind yourself that bad relationships are part of the growing process. Mistakes in choosing a partner are also life lessons. Even if your daughter chooses a bad boyfriend, it's an experience she will learn from to make better choices in the future.
- Remember that even if your daughter gets into trouble, she'll come out stronger.
- Did all of your teenage relationships end perfectly? If not, trust that your daughter will grow through this experience, just as you did when you were young.
Support your daughter through the breakup.
When your daughter finally breaks up with her boyfriend, be there for her. Ultimately, the relationship will come to an end, and that's when you should be by her side to comfort her. Let her express her feelings, encourage her to open up, and shower her with love and support. Make her feel like the most loved daughter, and she will emerge stronger from this experience.
- Take your daughter to her favorite restaurant or treat her to a weekend getaway.
- Consider taking her shopping or organizing a sleepover with her friends.
