Buzz
You and your parents may not always agree, and sometimes it can be challenging to persuade them to allow you to do something, even when you feel you deserve the opportunity. To convince your parents to let you do anything, you need to prepare solid arguments supporting your request, even before discussing it with them. Then, make your request calmly and respectfully when your parents are in a good mood and willing to listen. Be patient and ready to compromise, demonstrating to your parents that you are mature enough to handle whatever you want to do. There’s a chance you might still hear a “No.” But with skillful negotiation, you can increase your chances of getting their approval.
Steps
Preparing for Negotiation
Gather more information about what you want to ask your parents. Make sure you fully understand what you desire so you can answer any questions they might have. Consider jotting down a few bullet points if it helps you remember. It will be beneficial if you can explain what you’ve learned about the topic. Additionally, if you’re willing and able, think about contributing financially to what you want.
- If you want your parents to let you get a dog, research how much it costs to care for a dog and the price of purchasing one. Along with detailed information about dogs, also look into the benefits of having a dog and why it would be great for you and your family.
- Ignoring the "drawbacks" of what you want won’t help, as most parents will bring them up, and it’s clearly a disadvantage if you haven’t thought about the downsides while trying to persuade them. To prepare for this, identify the potential "drawbacks" of what you want in advance so you have time to think of responses.
Ensure you have reliable sources that your parents can trust. Parents will pay more attention to your request if they have some basic information. The more familiar they are with what you’re asking for, the less “scary” or “risky” it will seem, increasing your chances of approval. Additionally, keep the sources handy so your parents can visit the website and research on their own.
- For example, if you want to sleep over at a friend’s house, make sure your parents know their phone number, the names of their parents, and where they live.
- If you want to get a piercing or tattoo, gather the phone number of the tattoo parlor or some reputable websites discussing the topic. It also helps if your parents know the person you want to stay with or have seen the tattoo parlor before.
List the key points of your argument. It’s easy to get caught up in a debate and forget the original points you wanted to make. Write down three or four main points you want to convince your parents of. During the discussion, recall and emphasize these points, ensuring you cover all your arguments before resorting to last-ditch pleas like, “But I really want it!”
- If you want a pet, you can easily think of several benefits. Pets help families bond, pet owners tend to live longer, playing with pets is great exercise, and it teaches responsibility. Who wouldn’t want that?
Prepare for questions like, “Is your room clean?” To determine if you deserve what you’re asking for, or sometimes just to end the argument, parents often ask if you’ve fulfilled your duties and responsibilities. Prepare for these questions by cleaning your room, bathroom, living room, etc., doing your homework, eating your vegetables—whatever your parents usually ask you to do. Not only will this neutralize their questions, but it also proves that you are truly responsible.
- It’s best to do these things several days, or even a week, before asking. If your parents ask if your room is clean and you say yes, they might respond, “Oh, it’s been a while since your room was this clean.” You might need to do this consistently for a while to make it convincing.
Convincing Your Parents
Choose the right time to bring up the topic. Look for a moment when your parents seem relaxed and in a good mood to discuss. It’s unwise to ask for something when one of them seems stressed or tired, as they’ll be more easily annoyed. Typically, family dinner time is the safest bet.
- However, if one of your parents seems particularly stressed, requesting a pet might work in your favor. You can point out that bonding with a dog or another pet can significantly reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and decrease the risk of depression.
- If you haven’t completed your chores or homework, now isn’t the right time to ask. That would be an easy (and valid) reason for them to say no, so finish your tasks first.
Stay calm during the conversation. If you whine or get angry, your parents will think you’re not mature enough to handle whatever you’re asking for. They’ll likely end the conversation and tell you to talk again when you’re calmer. Alternatively, they might argue that your behavior proves you’re not ready. Both scenarios should be avoided!
- Even if the outcome isn’t what you hoped for, your mature behavior will set the stage for future discussions. It might make your parents think, “Hmm, maybe my child is actually growing up and becoming more responsible.” You’ll want them to wonder if they should reconsider, making them more open to the idea next time.
Explain how it benefits them. Often, your parents might say that what you’re asking will cost them money, time, or both. Since you’re asking them to do something for you, emphasize how it could also benefit them. If it’s a win-win situation, why would they say no?
- If you’re asking for a phone, point out that they can use the new number to check on you. You could even agree to consequences if you don’t answer their calls, like having the phone taken away.
- If you want a later curfew, highlight that it gives them more free time. You could also offer to arrange your own ride home so they don’t have to pick you up.
Give your parents time to think. Don’t pressure them for an immediate answer. Suggest they take a few hours or days to consider it, and let them know you’re available to answer any questions. Show them you want to handle this like a mature and responsible adult, ready to address any concerns. This approach will impress them with your thoughtful and reasonable arguments.
- It’s best to set a specific time to revisit the topic. This reduces the chance of them saying, “Oh, we haven’t discussed that yet,” and saves you the trouble of bringing it up again. For example, suggest talking about it during dinner next week to ensure a focused and productive discussion.
Negotiate with your parents. Aim for a compromise that makes both sides happy. Be willing to contribute financially, like paying part of the phone bill, or taking on extra chores. Make sure your parents also gain something from the deal. After all, they might be more open to your request if they see some benefit too.
- For example, if you want a dog, negotiate that you’ll handle walking, feeding, and cleaning up after it, in addition to discussing who pays for the dog and vet bills. Responsibility for a pet (or a phone) doesn’t end after the purchase, and that’s what your parents are worried about.
- Set “rules” for yourself if you fail to meet the agreement. For instance, if you forget to walk the dog a few times, you’ll lose late-night privileges or allowance. This shows you take the agreement seriously and are willing to make sacrifices.
Write down your reasons. A helpful exercise is to write a persuasive essay about what you want. The structure of the essay is as follows:
- Thesis statement. Transition sentence. Main argument (or thesis point).
- Topic sentence 1. Specific evidence: examples supporting why you want it. Explanation of evidence: what examples will you show your parents? Transition sentence.
- Topic sentence 2. Specific evidence 2. Explanation of evidence. Transition sentence.
- This topic sentence presents a counterargument. Specific evidence refuting the previous point. Explanation of evidence. Transition sentence.
- Topic sentence 4 can explain another perspective, or you can skip this paragraph. Specific evidence 4. Explanation of evidence. Transition sentence.
- Opening sentence of the conclusion. Summarize the main points. Closing sentence should restate the thesis.
- If done correctly, this will be very effective.
Responding to Rejection
Ask your parents why they said no. You can always inquire about the reasons behind their refusal. Sometimes their reasons are valid, while other times they may seem unfair. As long as you remain respectful, your parents will likely explain their concerns. Address their worries and try to find solutions. This might make them reconsider if you present a compelling argument.
- Understanding their reasons allows you to either eliminate their concerns or negotiate better. For example, if they deny you a phone because they think you’re not mature enough, demonstrate your responsibility. Identifying the root issue helps you tackle the problem effectively.
Improve yourself. Your parents will undoubtedly consider your behavior. Start by improving your grades (if they’re not already good), doing chores without being asked, and staying out of trouble. Show them you’re responsible enough to handle what you’re asking for.
- As mentioned earlier, timing matters. A few days of good behavior might not be enough, but what about a few weeks? This could work wonders. If you remain patient and diligent, your parents might see that you’re ready for new responsibilities.
Be polite even if they say “no.” Avoid showing frustration. Stay respectful and act normally. Your parents might seem indifferent, but they’ll appreciate your maturity, which will benefit you in the long run.
- Your behavior might also make your parents feel a little guilty, which isn’t a bad thing. The more well-behaved you are, the more they might feel inclined to reconsider their decision.
Write a letter. Sometimes parents respond better to written arguments. You can write a persuasive letter explaining why you deserve what you’re asking for. This approach feels formal and will impress them with your maturity.
- Ensure the presentation and handwriting are neat. Your parents will notice the effort you’ve put in and how much it means to you. This is also a great way to show your readiness. For example, mention in the letter how you will take care of the puppy, clean up after it, and walk it when needed.
Change your approach. If your current method of persuasion isn’t working, try switching to a different argument. Avoid repeating the same point over and over. Show your parents you have multiple valid reasons for wanting what you’re asking for.
- For example, if you’re asking for a mobile phone, start with the logical argument that it ensures your safety—you can call them in case of an emergency. If that doesn’t work, shift tactics. Explain how it helps you socialize at school, apply for jobs, volunteer, or even take advantage of a great deal you’ve found. What do you think will resonate most with your parents?
Let it rest for a while. Sometimes, it’s best to leave the topic alone for some time. Simply say, “Okay, thank you for talking with me,” and step back. You can try again later. Continue proving your responsibility, and your parents might change their mind. After all, you’re growing and maturing every day.
- Bring it up again at a later time, but don’t rush. For instance, if your parents say they’ll discuss it after Christmas, wait a week after the holiday. Respect their wishes, and they’ll respect yours (and might even say yes).
Ask for less! If you want a dog and your parents say no because it’s too big or expensive, stay calm. If they won’t let you have a German Shepherd, consider asking for a goldfish, guinea pig, or another small, low-maintenance pet. You might end up happier with your new little friend.
Tips
- If your parents say no, wait a few days before asking again. Don’t bring it up right away, as giving them time to think might lead to a change of heart.
- Understand that your parents always want you to be safe, and everyone has different perspectives on what you’re asking to do.
- Listen to why your parents are hesitant. Then explain why you think it’s a good idea. Address their concerns respectfully. For example: “Mom, can I get those shoes?” “No, they’re not comfortable.” “I’ll add insoles to make them comfy, and I can contribute some money too.”
- Do things your parents don’t expect. This might make them think you deserve a reward. For example: “You’ve been doing so well lately, here’s some money.” “Mom, I don’t want money—I’d rather go to the movies with my friends this Friday, is that okay?”
- Don’t get angry, but show a little disappointment. This lets them know you truly want it. Then cheer up to show maturity. If you’re too cheerful, they might think you don’t really care.
- If it’s extremely important, you might consider “acting first and asking later.” But reserve this for rare situations, like a road trip with a friend before they move abroad.
- If your parents ask, “Who will walk the dog? You?” Respond confidently that you’ll do it morning and night, even on school days. Don’t hesitate or say, “Uh… maybe not mornings…” They’ll reply, “Then you’re not ready for the responsibility.”
- Avoid excessive begging—it’ll only annoy your parents and lead to a firm no.
- Speak calmly and confidently.
- Don’t do anything counterproductive; don’t promise things you can’t deliver, as your parents will see it as irresponsible.
- Use the “anchoring” tactic. Want a guinea pig? Ask for a dog first, and when they say no, “settle” for the guinea pig. If they say yes, you get a dog. Either way, you win!
- Listen. Your parents will have something to say, and you need to show you’re responsible enough to hear their advice and respond respectfully. This demonstrates maturity. Talk to them as an equal.
Warnings
- If your parents say no, don’t complain! Ask for their reasons and calmly explain why you disagree. For example, if you want a pet but your parents think they’ll end up caring for it, let them know how much you love it and that you’ll take full responsibility!
- If your parents refuse, don’t go behind their back. Sooner or later, they’ll find out and lose trust in you.
- DON’T CONSTANTLY BUG YOUR PARENTS! If you keep pushing, they’re likely to use their authority to punish you.
- Don’t argue back; this will only reduce your chances of getting what you want. Instead, act maturely so your parents don’t think you’re becoming spoiled.
- Don’t exaggerate. Your parents will see right through it if you promise to repaint the entire house.
- Don’t assume you’ll get your way or that you can wear them down until they give in. They’ll just find it annoying and say no. You’ll earn the most respect by showing respect in return.
