Buzz
Being separated from loved ones is always challenging, especially when it’s your spouse. It’s natural to miss them, but it’s essential to prioritize self-care and mental well-being. Overcoming the longing for your partner involves similar steps, regardless of the duration of separation. Organizing your thoughts and engaging in activities during free time are effective ways to maintain a positive and healthy mindset about your loved one. If you’re missing someone who has passed away or ended a relationship, learn how to confront these losses.
Steps
Keep Yourself Busy
Spend more time with family and friends. Staying home alone waiting for your partner won’t ease the pain of their absence and might lead to frustration. Instead, use this time to reconnect with friends or loved ones. Treat this separation as an opportunity to rekindle old friendships. Alternatively, spend quality time with your closest friend and remind them how much they mean to you.
- Call a friend and arrange a coffee meetup.
- Invite a few friends over for dinner and cook together.
- Plan a weekend visit to your grandmother in the suburbs.
- Avoid isolating yourself, especially when feeling down.
Spend more time on your hobbies. These could be activities you’ve neglected to make time for your partner or a new pursuit you’ve wanted to try but haven’t had the chance to start.
- Instead of sitting around feeling lonely, use your free time to complete a ship model or sew a new outfit.
- Start learning a new language using a free app like Duolingo.
- Pick up a book you once loved and revisit it.
Create a beautiful piece of art to commemorate your relationship. Use any artistic tools or craft supplies you enjoy, or try something entirely new! You could design a cross-stitch pattern with your initials, a favorite inside joke, or a reference to a movie character your partner loves. Paint an abstract piece that expresses your feelings for them using various colors and textures. Alternatively, create a collage of images that hold special meaning to you.
- Cross-stitching is a rewarding hobby for free time because it’s detailed and often requires planning. If you’re new to it, start with a simple pattern to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
- Buy affordable acrylic paint from a craft store or Walmart and a canvas to create an abstract painting. Choose colors that reflect your emotions and add materials like sand or plaster for texture.
- Use a picture frame with or without glass to make a photo collection. If the frame lacks glass, glue photos onto cardboard and seal them with Mod Podge or a spray sealant to protect them.
Write a poem, comic, or illustrated story. Create something special to describe your relationship, which you can send to your partner or share when they return. Use any creative writing style you enjoy. Channel your energy into crafting a heartfelt gift that shows how much they mean to you.
- Write a poem on beautiful paper using calligraphy pens. For a unique touch, make your own paper.
- Write a children’s book about how you met and illustrate it. You don’t need to be an artist to create a charming book your partner will adore. Keep illustrations simple and add meaningful details to each scene.
Build new relationships. Join a book or film club to meet new people and engage socially. These activities also encourage you to use your free time productively by reading or watching movies. You might even find a great new friend or meet another couple to spend evenings with.
Distract yourself by exercising. When you’re feeling down and can’t enjoy your usual hobbies, get up and go for a run, bike along a trail, or hit the gym for at least 20 minutes of cardio. Exercise not only helps relieve stress and refocus your mind but also releases endorphins, the body’s natural mood boosters, which can lift your spirits and improve your mood.
- Even five minutes of intense exercise can instantly energize you, but regular workouts help manage long-term stress. Treat exercise as a natural remedy your body needs to stay healthy and balanced.
Finish all pending projects. Consider the time apart from your spouse as an opportunity to complete unfinished tasks. These could be tasks you’ve started but haven’t finished or something you’ve postponed until you had enough time to complete them. Staying busy will help you feel accomplished and at ease with yourself for finally getting things done.
- Repaint the bathtub, sand and refinish your grandmother’s old wardrobe, or fix the creaky gate, etc.
- Finish writing your collection of short stories, make a patchwork pillow from leftover fabric, or sign up for the pet training classes you’ve been wanting to attend.
- Paint your bedroom, install shelves in the bathroom, or start a vegetable garden.
Maintain a Healthy Relationship
Accept that time apart can be beneficial. Whether you live together or not, having time apart is essential for maintaining your independence in any relationship.
- If you can’t handle being apart for a few days, you might be too dependent on each other for happiness and confidence. Remind yourself that you are a valuable person and don’t need anyone else to give your life meaning. Try saying, "I am a worthwhile person, and time alone will be good for me."
- Being apart gives you a chance to miss each other, which reminds you how important your partner is to you. If you’ve never been apart, you might start taking the little things you love about each other for granted.
Don’t worry about what your partner is doing. If you constantly wonder what your spouse is up to when you’re not around—whether it’s something small like watching an episode of a show you usually watch together or something big like them cheating—you might be masking your own fear of abandonment or vulnerability. Focus on what you can control: how you spend your time.
- It’s natural to worry occasionally, but obsessing over such thoughts is a sign of dependency anxiety. People with this issue often imagine the worst behavior from their partner or constantly expect the relationship to end.
Call or video chat. If you’re too far apart to meet in person, scheduling time to talk on the phone can give you something to look forward to. It’s also a chance to reconnect and have a meaningful conversation while apart.
- Avoid calling or texting too frequently. Assess your relationship, how long you’ll be apart, and how often you usually talk or meet.
- If you know your partner is busy, send a private message via email or Facebook instead of texting, or leave a sweet voicemail. These forms of communication won’t disturb them during work or family time and will be a pleasant surprise.
- Try scheduling special time together, like watching a favorite show simultaneously while apart. You’ll feel closer knowing your partner is watching the same show, and it gives you something to discuss besides how much you miss each other.
Keep your relationship fresh. When you meet or even when you talk on the phone or through video calls, ensure you’re not always doing or saying the same things. Plan different activities for your dates. Discuss new topics you’ve never talked about before, and choose subjects that help you understand each other better.
- If the conversation becomes dull, introduce a new issue or an interesting topic you’ve recently heard about.
- Talk about your childhood. What did you want to be when you grew up? What fun games did you enjoy as a child? What was your favorite Halloween costume?
- Look for articles online or in local publications for fresh activity ideas. Ask friends or colleagues with partners what they do together for inspiration.
Plan a special activity. Include new activities you’ve never tried together or discussed trying. Alternatively, plan a surprise day together, focusing on something your partner has always wanted to do. Use your imagination! Consider dedicating a day to a theme, like a romantic movie (When Harry Met Sally), or pretend you’re visiting Paris.
- Enjoy croissants at an outdoor café for a few hours, walk across the most beautiful bridge nearby, and visit the city’s art museum.
- Have a picnic in the park, visit a flower shop on the way home to buy blooms you’ve admired, and plant flowers when you get back.
- Focus on a “water” theme: visit an aquarium or science museum, find the largest public fountain in town to make a wish (ensure it’s allowed!), and end the day with a walk along a nearby canal or beach.
- Plan a scavenger hunt together. Write clues leading to places that remind you of each other or include surprises you know your partner will love.
Tell your partner you love and miss them. The best way to cope with separation and maintain a close relationship is to express your feelings openly. When you communicate, let them know you miss them. Ask what they’re up to and share details about your life to feel more connected. Remind them how grateful you are to have them in your life.
Redirect Negative Emotions
Acknowledge and accept that negative emotions are normal. When you genuinely miss your partner and can’t stop thinking about them, don’t force yourself to stop. Trying not to think about someone often reinforces how much you miss them. Instead, ask yourself why you feel sad or angry at that moment. Once you understand the reason, you can take steps to address it.
- When you feel longing, ask yourself: Are you bored? Did you have a bad day and wish they were there to talk to? Do you miss things they used to do for you? Watch a movie, call a friend to chat, or learn to cook a unique dish.
- If you feel angry or frustrated, try to pinpoint the exact emotions. Do you feel abandoned, forgotten, or unimportant? These feelings are often extreme reactions to being apart but don’t reflect your partner’s emotions or intentions.
Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. When you think, "I miss them so much! I can’t take it anymore," pause and address the negative thought pattern. Adjust your thinking habits to reflect positive feelings about yourself. Remind yourself that you can handle this, and being apart isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
- When you catch yourself constantly longing to be together, stop and focus on the present moment. Replace thoughts like, "I wish we were together right now," with, "It’s great having my cat (or dog) with me today. Usually, it runs to my partner first." Turn feelings of loneliness into a sense of connection with someone or something else.
- Use logic to overcome negative emotions if you’re stuck. Thinking, "I can’t be happy without them," will only make you sad. Instead, allow yourself to control your emotions and decide to do something enjoyable right now.
- Positive thought patterns are built through effort. Every time you engage in an activity or think constructively, your brain is more likely to repeat it.
- Learning to replace negativity with positivity takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself and avoid self-criticism to prevent feeling worse.
Replace longing and sadness with gratitude. Missing your partner is normal because you enjoy being with them more than being apart. Instead of feeling sad, reflect on how grateful you are to have such an amazing partner. Create a list of things you appreciate about them or the positive impact they’ve had on your life.
- Consider how you’ve improved since being together: Are you calmer, more mature, or friendlier? Have you expanded your relationships and overcome past fears? Are you proud of yourself for learning to prioritize your loved ones over your own needs?
- Focus on what you have rather than what you lack, allowing yourself to miss them. It’s okay to miss someone you care about.
- Develop a habit of recognizing when you feel lonely and wish they were there, then shift your focus to gratitude for the time you’ve shared. Start a gratitude journal and keep it nearby to redirect your emotions as they arise.
