How to Cope with Post-Breakup Depression

Breaking up with someone can leave you feeling emotionally devastated. It’s tough when everything in your world was once centered around that person, and then one day, you pick up your phone only to realize you can no longer call them. This can sometimes lead to depression: a mood disorder that causes feelings of sadness and negativity that others may not understand. At this point, taking care of yourself and finding a way to move forward can feel like an enormous challenge.

Distinguishing Between Sadness and Depression. After a breakup, it's normal to experience crying, insomnia, anger, and a temporary loss of interest in daily activities. These are part of the healing process. However, you might be facing something more serious if you notice signs like:

• Severe changes in eating or sleeping habits
• Exhaustion
• Feeling useless, empty, or hopeless
• Unbearable heartache
• Increased irritability
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Not wanting to clean your room or maintain personal hygiene
• Thoughts of death or self-harm

Record the Symptoms. If you suspect you're dealing with depression or feel like something is deeply wrong, try keeping a journal to document your experiences. You can write it down on paper or use a digital device. These notes will be helpful when you need to reflect and can be taken to your doctor if you decide to seek help.

• Try to jot down simple thoughts, such as: "I've felt hopeless all morning" or "I tried to be happy but I always feel down and exhausted." If you're too sad, there's no need to go into too much detail.
• Write about what you've done, for example: "I watched movies all night and cried a lot" or "I spent 3 hours in bed this morning because I had no energy."

Understand the usual timeframes and urgency in case of a medical condition. Experts often recommend waiting for about two weeks to a month to see if things improve. You will face serious issues if the sadness prevents you from doing basic daily tasks (like going to work or taking care of your children). You should see a doctor if:

• You don’t feel better within 2-3 weeks
• You are unable to work or take care of yourself or your family
• You have thoughts of hurting yourself

Consult with a doctor about treatment options. The doctor might recommend therapy and/or medication to balance the chemicals in your brain.

• Your brain can be sick just like any other part of your body. If you have depression or need medication to treat it, there's nothing "unnatural" about it.

Call a crisis helpline if you're in immediate danger. If you believe you’re about to harm yourself, don’t hesitate – pick up the phone, find a helpline, and call or text them.

Recognize that emotional healing takes time. Especially after a long-term relationship, this process may take even longer. Prepare yourself for this and give yourself enough time to heal the wounds and restore balance.

• Many believe it takes about half the duration of the relationship to begin feeling better after a breakup. For instance, if your relationship lasted 6 months, you might need 3 months to fully regain balance. However, everyone is different, so you may need more or less time.

Give yourself space and time to experience the negative emotions. After a breakup, it's normal to feel angry, disappointed, sad, fearful, and experience many other emotions. Sometimes, these emotions may not even be related to your ex. That’s okay. Allow yourself to cry, feel sorrow, and mourn the lost relationship.

• Try naming the emotions if they overwhelm you. Are you feeling lost? Bereft? Or anxious about the future?

Put away everything that reminds you of the lost relationship. Gather all items related to your ex (such as photos, letters, mementos) and store them in a box, out of sight, like in the back of a closet or under the bed. Keep the box there, and you can deal with it once you’ve moved on from the breakup.

• Don't throw these items away. You may regret it later.
• If you think you won’t resist opening the box too soon, write a reminder on it, like "Don’t open, wait until April."

Find ways to release your emotions. Coping with intense emotions can be difficult. You should find ways to release them. Try various methods as long as they are safe and healthy, allowing your emotions to be expressed. Here are a few suggestions:

• Exercise
• Express your feelings through art: painting, drawing, composing music, writing, etc.
• Cry
• Imagine telling your story emotionally on a TV show
• Write in a journal
• Tear up or cut discarded papers
• Scream into a pillow and hit the bed
• Smash ice cubes in a bathtub

Spend time on hobbies and explore new interests. This will help you find new ways to stay productive and creative.

• Is there something you always wanted to do as a child but never had the chance? Try it now!

Ask yourself what you need right now. If you're going through a tough time, take a moment and ask yourself, "What would help me feel better?" Think about what you can do right now to make things a little easier. Little improvements can happen step by step with actions like...

• Call a friend
• Take a warm bath
• Play with a pet
• Enjoy a cup of hot chocolate
• Get a hug
• Do what you feel needs to be done in the moment.

Try to move forward. Slowly, you will need to accept that the relationship has ended and you must plan for a future without that person. This will be your goal. Keep this in your mind at all times. It may take time, but always remember the direction you want to move in for yourself.

Remember that forgetting someone isn't a straight path. Sometimes, you'll feel sad again, but no matter how many times you revisit those feelings, they won't stay forever. You'll feel better little by little, then suddenly feel worse again. This doesn’t mean you won’t ever get through it. You'll feel better after a day or, at most, a week or two.

Try to maintain as consistent a daily routine as possible. At first, it may be hard, and you'll have to push yourself to eat regular meals and sleep on time. This process takes time, so be patient with yourself.

• Sometimes you won’t be able to do everything perfectly, and that’s okay.

Find simple ways to improve your health. When you're feeling depressed, taking care of your health can be tough. However, even small efforts are better than doing nothing at all. You don’t need to aim for big changes—start with little steps and feel proud of what you accomplish.

• If cooking feels too hard right now, snack on something simple like an apple or string cheese. You could also keep non-perishable snacks (like a jar of mixed nuts) on your desk.
• Try some light exercises, such as leg lifts while watching TV, or lifting a 2kg dumbbell while lying in bed.

Take care of your personal hygiene every day. Depression can make even simple daily tasks (like brushing your teeth or showering) seem impossible. Yet, these tasks are essential for your health. Neglecting personal hygiene for too long can lead to sickness or other health issues later on.

• Try to brush your teeth at least once a day. Even a quick, less-than-perfect brushing without toothpaste is better than nothing. You can also use a washcloth to remove plaque.
• Try to shower at least every other day. Use wet wipes to clean areas like your armpits and underarms. You can also use deodorant.
• If you're too tired to dress up, at least change your underwear and sleepwear daily. Once you feel better, you can wear something comfortable like an oversized shirt and sweatpants.

Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms. When in pain, people sometimes turn to alcohol, stimulants, or overeating as a way to cope. These behaviors can worsen both your physical health and mental state. Seek healthier alternatives for managing your emotions.

Don’t be afraid to ask others for help with self-care and daily tasks. Depression may make it hard for you to start or focus on anything. Having someone by your side can make a big difference. Ask for help with chores or personal hygiene if you’re struggling. For example, you could say:

• "I’m exhausted and can’t clean up. Could you come by and help me out? I have soda and vanilla ice cream ready—we’ll enjoy it after cleaning!"
• "I know I’ve been messy lately and haven’t even showered. You probably don’t want to be around a smelly person, but please remind me to shower if I get too stinky!"
• "Breaking up with them has left me drained, but I’m still trying to get the housework done. Could you help me with the laundry? Let’s do it together!"
• "Dad, I’ve been so tired lately that I can’t cook. Could I come over for dinner once in a while?"

Spend time with your loved ones. Now is the time to be with your friends and family. They will provide the support you need as you navigate the emotional pain after a breakup. Were you able to see them often when you were in the relationship? If it was a long and deep one, you may not have seen some of your friends or even family for months. Take your time reconnecting and sharing with them.

• Let your loved ones know what you're going through. You can say something like, "I just broke up, and I really need a friend right now."

If possible, make communicating with others part of your daily routine. It’s easy to fall into the trap of isolating yourself when you're depressed. Connecting with others is crucial to ensure you're not spending days or even weeks alone.

• Try to spend at least 30 minutes each day with your loved ones, making sure it's quality time.

Express your emotions openly. Being honest about your feelings helps others understand and guide them in comforting you. Avoid sharing in vague or indirect ways—let them know exactly how you're feeling, and you can always open up more later.

• "I feel really tired today."
• "Right now, I just want to do something light, like watch a movie together."
• "I’m feeling worn out. Let’s talk tomorrow?"
• "I’m feeling better today. I think going out would be fun. Want to join me?"
• "I feel so weak and anxious."
• "I don't have the energy to go out. Can you stay here and talk to me?"

Let others know how they can help, especially when they seem unsure. Most people want to support you, but they may not know exactly how or might misunderstand what you need. The best approach is to directly tell them what you need. For example, you can say:

• "Today, I want to stay busy to stop thinking about them. Would you like to do something fun?"
• "I really need someone by my side to listen right now."
• "I’m not ready to meet someone new. I still can’t get over him, and I need more time. When I'm ready to meet some cute guys, I’ll ask for your help."
• "Can you give me a hug?"
• "I really want to text her. Can you come over and help me resist doing that?"
• "I feel so lonely right now. It would mean so much to have you here. We can walk and talk or just watch TV together."

Find someone trustworthy to confide in. Facing emotional wounds is hard, and it's even harder to endure them alone. Look for someone who is a good listener. When they're ready to listen, pour your heart out, and you’ll feel much more at ease afterward.

• During times of loneliness, it's possible that the person you were with will reach out, wanting to reconnect. However, you should ask yourself if that is truly what you want or if you are ready to move on and pursue a better relationship with someone else.
• Even if it doesn’t seem like it now, you will eventually meet someone else who will love and appreciate you. The world is full of people, and who knows, your soulmate might be out there waiting for you to come into their life. One day, you might meet someone fun, exciting, or simply wonderful, and whether you believe it or not, the memories of your ex will fade away soon enough.
• Breaking up with someone doesn't mean that you're a bad person or that you did something wrong. It simply means that you two weren’t meant to be together.
• With enough time, you may be able to be friends again. However, becoming friends with your ex may take a few months or even years, and it might only be possible when both of you have found new relationships.
• Don’t call or text your ex – give each other space if you don’t want to be a bother or push them further away.
• After some time has passed, you may be ready to date again. But don’t rush into a new relationship with someone you just met, as your heart might still carry feelings for your ex. Give yourself the time you need to heal and let go of the past.
• Reward yourself with some of your favorite treats (like sweets or ice cream) to make yourself feel better, but remember not to overindulge. Set limits so you don’t end up over-eating and causing discomfort.
• Don’t let your past define your future. Memories from the past will only bring back the sadness you felt when you broke up. Focus on the future and live your life for yourself.
• If you were the one who ended the relationship, always keep in mind why you made that decision. Reflect on the reasons that led you to break up, and stay true to those reasons. When the time is right, you will find a better relationship with someone more compatible.

• Don’t get involved with someone just to fill the void of loneliness. Instead, go out with friends or engage in activities you enjoy that make you happy. Short-lived distractions will only bring more regret and will ultimately leave you feeling even lonelier. Distract yourself with positive activities.
• When you’ve just broken up with someone, avoid making any major life decisions. Wait until your emotions have settled before making choices that could significantly impact your future.