Buzz
Explore ways to cancel a date with these quick and effective excuses
If you have a date scheduled but need to cancel, it can be tricky. Whether you're not feeling the spark or just not in the mood to go out, we understand! Canceling plans can be uncomfortable, but sometimes it's unavoidable. So, how can you do it without offending the other person? In this guide, we've gathered the best excuses to help you cancel or miss a date. Additionally, we spoke with dating experts Laura Bilotta and Julianne Cantarella, who shared their tips on how to make your excuse work smoothly.
How to Back Out of a Date at the Last Minute
If you're not feeling the connection, be honest and apologetic about it. But if you need to come up with an excuse, make sure it sounds plausible and is based on some truth. For example, you could say a work commitment has come up, or that you're not feeling well due to exhaustion.
Steps
Valid Excuses to Cancel a Date
You’re feeling unwell. A simple excuse like “I’m not feeling well” can often be enough to cancel plans. Whether it’s a sore throat, upset stomach, or fever, you just don’t have the energy to go out.
- Consider saying something like, “I have to cancel our plans today. I’m dealing with a sore throat and not feeling well. I apologize!”
- Pro tip: If you use this excuse, make sure you’re not posting upbeat content on social media that could expose the lie.
You have an earlier engagement. Maybe you’re stuck with an obligation to a friend or a family commitment that can’t be avoided. Whatever the case, you’re unable to make it to the date.
- For example, you could say, “I forgot I promised to help a friend move today, and I’m the only one available to assist. I’m really sorry, but I can’t make it!” or “I just remembered I promised to attend my niece’s dance recital tonight. Would it be alright to reschedule?”
You’re double-booked. It’s easy to accidentally schedule two things for the same time. If this happens, this excuse is a believable one. You don’t have to provide a lot of details, just communicate your intention to reschedule.
- You could say, “I have a doctor’s appointment that I forgot about when we were supposed to meet up. Can we plan another time?” or “I completely forgot that I’m dog-sitting on Friday. Can we reschedule for another day?”
You’ve mixed up the date or time. We all make scheduling mistakes from time to time, so use this to your advantage. Perhaps you thought the date was next week, not this one, and wrote it down incorrectly. This excuse is perfect if you still want to reschedule for another time.
- Try saying something like, “I didn’t realize our date was this Friday. I had it marked for next Friday. Could we pick another day?” or “I got the dates confused, and I can’t make it anymore. Can we try again?”
You’ve got to work late. We’ve all had those days when work demands extra hours! If your job is particularly hectic, this is a solid excuse to cancel plans—just make sure to use it sparingly.
- You could say, “I’m really sorry to change our plans, but this is the busy season at work, and I need to catch up all weekend.”
You’re caught up in family drama. Everyone has experienced family issues, so this excuse can be quite relatable. Create a scenario where you’re helping a family member or acting as a mediator. It’s especially effective when you don’t know the person too well yet.
- You could say, “I’m dealing with a situation with my mom… it’s a scam issue, long story. I won’t be able to make it tonight. I’m really sorry!”
You’ve got a household emergency. Things like a broken fridge, clogged toilet, or unexpected leaks can happen without warning! These types of emergencies are believable and useful, but be sure the person you’re canceling on isn’t the type to show up to help.
- For example, “My freezer broke just as I was heading out the door. I won’t be able to make it tonight.”
You’re running behind schedule. This excuse works well if you live in a busy area. Maybe you’re stuck in traffic or a delayed train. Either way, you’ll likely be unable to make it to your date after all. Just ensure your excuse signals that you’re canceling, not just running late.
- You could say, “I’m stuck in traffic and won’t be home until late. I still have to settle the dogs. Can we reschedule?”
You’ve had a tough day. Whether you’ve had a challenging workday or just need some time to yourself, you’re not in the mood to socialize. Focus on what’s best for your mental state.
- You might say, “I’ve had a really stressful day, and I just can’t face going out tonight. I don’t want to bring a bad vibe. Can we cancel for tonight?”
You’re emotionally exhausted. If you’re not emotionally available, that’s a perfectly valid reason to cancel plans. Whether you’re feeling drained, stressed, or overwhelmed, sometimes the thought of going out is just too much. Remember, self-care is important.
- You could say, “It’s been a really long day at work, and I’m feeling emotionally drained. Can we reschedule? I want to be in a better frame of mind when I see you.”
You’ve had a change of perspective. Sometimes, honesty is the best excuse. If you’re having second thoughts about pursuing the relationship, consider being upfront with them. As dating coach Laura Bilotta advises, “Honesty might be tough, but it’s crucial to avoid leading someone on.”
- You might say, “You’re awesome, but I’m just not in a place to date right now,” or “I’m not ready to date at the moment, but I’d love to stay friends!”
- If you’ve developed feelings for someone else, you could say, “I’m interested in someone else right now, and I can’t ignore those feelings.”
EXPERT ADVICE
Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Expert
Dating & Relationship Expert
Don’t lead someone on if you’re not interested. If you’ve already made up your mind about not wanting to see them again or go on a date, it’s best to be honest. It’s better to be clear now than waste anyone’s time. Respecting their time is a sign of fairness.
How to Create a Convincing Excuse
Ensure your excuse is realistic. If you’re trying to back out of a date, make sure your excuse is grounded in some truth. You don’t have to fabricate an entire story—just tweak the truth a bit. Create an excuse that feels natural based on your life and current situation. This way, it won’t sound suspicious.
- For example, if you have a younger sibling, you could say you need to pick them up from school or babysit unexpectedly.
Choose a valid excuse. Pick an excuse that’s strong enough to justify canceling your plans. In other words, the excuse should be believable enough that it won’t raise doubts.
- For instance, skipping out on a favorite TV show isn’t a valid excuse for canceling plans, especially if they’ve been made for a while.
Opt for a simple, low-risk excuse. The excuse you choose should be weighty but not overly complicated. Keep it straightforward and avoid excuses that might lead to further questions or actions.
- For example, making up a sick relative could be too heavy of a lie and could backfire later.
Give a reason for your absence. Offer a brief explanation for why you can’t make it. While there’s no need for excessive details, don’t leave them hanging! It’s just common courtesy, especially when canceling plans.
- You could say, “I’m so sorry, but I’ve been feeling really down and I don’t think I’m in the right state to hang out right now.”
- Bilotta suggests using ‘I’ statements to keep the focus on yourself and not on them, which helps protect their feelings. Don’t make it about them.
Stick to your story. To make your excuse believable, you need to remain consistent. If you say you’re not feeling well, don’t go out and post about it on social media. If you claim to have other plans, make sure the person you canceled on doesn’t hear otherwise. Just ensure everything aligns so nothing backfires on you.
Make sure you truly want to cancel. Before making an excuse, take a moment to reflect on your decision. Why do you want to cancel? Are there genuine concerns, or is it fear of commitment? Consider doing some self-reflection to help guide your choice.
- It might be helpful to journal your feelings or talk it out with a close friend.
How to Minimize the Impact
Propose an alternative date. If you’re canceling on someone you like, it’s a good idea to suggest a new time to meet up. Unless your intention is to cut ties completely, offer the earliest opportunity to reschedule.
- You might suggest meeting again next week at the same time or perhaps the very next day.
- Dating coach Julianne Cantarella advises that if you don’t plan to reschedule, avoid suggesting any future meetups. Simply cancel, apologize, and stop contact.
Apologize when canceling. When you cancel plans, you’re often putting your own needs first. It’s important to apologize for changing the plans, regardless of whether you want to reschedule. It’s just polite!
- For example, you might say, “I’m really sorry to cancel. I hate to make you adjust your schedule when we already had something set up.”
Don’t involve others in your excuse when possible. Lying works best when you keep things simple and believable. If you mention other people in your excuse, you risk them exposing the truth. Instead, try to create a more personal excuse with fewer details or ensure the person you’re referencing is on the same page.
- For example, instead of saying, “Carly was feeling sad, so I had to stay with her,” try, “I’m not feeling well, so I think I’m going to stay home today.”
Cancel as little as possible. Try not to be a habitual canceller. If you genuinely like the person and want to see them again, make an effort not to cancel after you’ve rescheduled. If you cancel too often, they might lose interest.
- If you’re canceling because you no longer want to see them, chances are you won’t bother rescheduling, so this won't be a concern.
Try to avoid canceling on the same day. If you’ve been contemplating canceling for a while, don’t wait until the last minute. It’s best to cancel as soon as you’ve made up your mind.
- Last-minute cancellations are okay if that’s when you’re certain, but it’s preferable to give notice earlier when you can.
- Whether you cancel early or at the last minute, ensure your excuse fits the timing. A work meeting might come up days ahead of time, while a broken appliance can happen at the last minute.
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Cantarella suggests that if you’ve been dating someone for a while and no longer wish to continue, it’s better to break up with them face-to-face rather than dragging things out with excuses.
