Buzz
Do you know someone who seems unable to speak the truth? Some people lie to make others think better of them or to achieve their goals, while others genuinely believe in their own fabrications. Regardless of the situation, confronting a liar is an effective way to address their negative behavior. It's important to remember that you cannot change others – ultimately, all you can do is speak the truth. If you want to learn more about handling a liar, keep reading.
Steps
Assess the Situation
Recognize When Someone is Lying.
- A fake smile that only involves the lips, not the eyes.
- A higher-pitched voice than usual.
- Dilated pupils.
- Slow blinking (and rapid blinking after finishing speaking).
- Restless leg movements, such as tapping toes or shifting feet.
- Touching their face, like repeatedly covering their mouth, eyes, or nose.
Identify patterns in their lies. Many people lie about topics that are extremely sensitive to them—often related to past misbehavior or events they’re ashamed of. If they consistently lie about a specific subject, it might be best to drop the topic and avoid pressuring them. However, if their lies seem random or lack a clear pattern, you might be dealing with a more significant issue.
- If someone always lies when asked why their father is often absent, why they didn’t finish high school, or why they refuse to speak to someone, the answer might simply be “none of your business.” Unless you share a close relationship, you’re not entitled to every detail of their life.
- On the other hand, if they lie frequently without reason, even about seemingly trivial matters, they might be a habitual liar. Their deceitful behavior lacks a clear pattern, making it hard to empathize with their motives for hiding the truth.
Determine whether their lies are harmful.
Notice if the person enjoys lying. Some people prefer lying over telling the truth. This behavior can be likened to an addiction, providing a sense of satisfaction each time they deceive. Habitual liars who go undetected for long periods may start to see lying as a way of life rather than a necessity. Breaking this habit is challenging, as lying becomes as addictive as any other compulsion.
Look for signs of a pathological liar. Pathological liars fabricate stories so far from the truth that they’re easily recognizable. These individuals often believe their own lies. They tell absurd tales with such a straight face and seriousness that you can’t help but question their credibility. This is a psychological disorder. Unfortunately, you can’t simply tell them they’re lying, as they genuinely believe their stories. However, confronting them might help determine if a wake-up call could encourage them to seek therapy.
Confronting the Liar
Document their lies.
Have a private conversation with the person.
Give the liar a chance to explain. Pay close attention to their body language for additional signs of deceit. Listen to their explanation. If they admit to lying and apologize, you may not need to escalate the confrontation further. Clarify your stance and end the conversation by expressing your hope that it won’t happen again.
Present evidence of the lie. If the person tries to deflect, argue, or continues lying, it’s time to bring out the proof. Show them emails, documents, or other evidence you’ve gathered to prove their dishonesty. At this point, you’ve cornered the liar, and they may either fall silent or start apologizing.
Tell them you’ve lost trust.
Maya Diamond, MA
Relationship and Dating Expert
Relationship and Dating Expert
Consider counseling if you’re in a relationship with a liar. Maya Diamond, a relationship and dating expert, advises: "If you catch your partner lying, let them know what you’ve observed, share your feelings, and suggest how they can handle similar situations differently in the future. If the lie is serious, couples therapy might help rebuild trust, address feelings of betrayal, and heal the relationship."
Suggest therapy if necessary. Explain that excessive or compulsive lying can be treated. Encourage them to seek external help before losing everyone’s trust. Lies eventually come to light—and the consequences could include losing jobs, damaging relationships, and missing opportunities for a more honest life.
Dealing with the Aftermath
Understand that it may take time for the person to stop lying. Those accustomed to lying often can’t break the habit immediately. Don’t be surprised if you catch them lying again later. Depending on your relationship, you may or may not want to continue helping them by repeating the steps of gathering evidence, confronting them, and explaining how trust has been broken.
Recognize that you can’t change someone else’s behavior. Ultimately, you can’t control what goes on in their mind. If someone wants to stop lying, they must commit to it and follow through. If they’re unwilling to change, there’s nothing you can do.
Protect yourself from being harmed by the liar.
Advice
- When confronting a liar, focus on the betrayal of trust and how it impacts your relationship.
- Avoid escalating the situation, as this could make things worse.
- Steer clear of habitual liars.
- Consider why they lie. They might crave attention, which isn’t always easy to dismiss, or they could be avoiding deeper issues.
- Always speak the truth. Liars despise honesty because it exposes their deceit and forces them to confront reality.
- Listen carefully when they speak. Liars often slip up and repeat their stories, revealing inconsistencies if you pay close attention.
- Don’t make important decisions based on what a liar tells you.
- Liars who aim to harm you might turn others against you. Expose their lies and share the truth with everyone. Cold-hearted liars won’t care about the damage they cause.
- Try to understand why they lie and respond accordingly. Help them if you can, but walk away if you can’t.
- Be cautious when exposing a liar, especially if they’re prone to violence. Some may lash out to avoid the truth or twist your words to provoke and accuse you of lying.
Warnings
- Anger and harsh words only fuel resentment and validate their lies about you. Don’t fall into their trap by acting petty, as this is exactly what a backstabbing liar wants—to undermine and harm others subtly.
