How to Deal with Immature Individuals

Consider the person's age. Immaturity means 'not fully developed.' Essentially, the person may not know how to respond appropriately to specific situations. The younger they are, the more challenging their cognitive abilities might be. You need to be more empathetic toward childish behavior in younger individuals.

• For example, a young boy might display immaturity by teasing about breasts or male genitalia, farting in front of friends, picking his nose, and acting like a child. While annoying, this is normal behavior at that age, and you should let it go. Allow younger individuals the space to grow and mature before becoming too upset.
• On the other hand, an adult who appears mature (someone who doesn’t joke about farting) might still be emotionally immature – they could be thoughtless, unable to admit their mistakes, or intentionally make you feel jealous or angry.

Identify mature and emotionally childish reactions. Sometimes, challenging situations can trigger emotionally immature responses, often referred to as regression, blurring the line between mature and childish emotions. You should respond more cautiously when someone appears to act maturely. There are various ways to determine whether someone's reaction is emotionally mature or childish/immature.

• Emotionally immature individuals may: resist; see themselves as victims; overreact (reacting strongly or recklessly, having outbursts, suddenly crying, etc.); prioritize themselves and focus on self-protection; seem to always justify their actions or others'; manipulate; be driven by fear or a sense of 'having to' do something, as well as avoid failure, discomfort, and rejection.
• Emotionally mature individuals will: be open to listening to others' perspectives; take initiative; be driven by growth and act with specific intentions; act because they choose to, not because they feel they must; act with integrity, meaning their actions align with their values.

Understand why someone might act emotionally childish. Emotionally immature individuals often struggle to cope with their feelings, frequently experiencing helplessness or believing they cannot change their situation or improve their lives. This may be because they never learned how to confront and resolve difficult emotions. While their childish behavior is inappropriate, it can help you empathize if you recognize that they are acting out of fear, feeling the need to protect themselves from uncomfortable emotions.

Be aware of potential mental health issues. The person you're dealing with might be experiencing ADHD or a personality disorder. Some of these conditions can manifest as seemingly immature behavior and present in various ways.

• Individuals with ADHD may appear 'childish,' but they are actually dealing with a neurodevelopmental disorder. They struggle with attention, talk excessively, may seem bossy or interrupt conversations, become verbally aggressive when confused, or have difficulty controlling their emotions, leading to outbursts or crying.
• Borderline personality disorder often involves erratic mood swings.
• Individuals with antisocial personality disorder are often unkind and lack respect for others' feelings.
• Those with histrionic personality disorder may become overly sensitive to gain attention and feel anxious when not the center of focus.
• Narcissistic personality disorder often involves an inflated sense of self-worth, a lack of empathy for others, and resulting vulnerability that can trigger emotional outbursts.

Understand that you cannot force someone to change. The truth is, this is not your battle – if the person is unwilling to acknowledge their behavior and take steps to change, there is little you can do to help them. It is challenging for emotionally immature individuals to realize they need to change, as a hallmark of emotional immaturity is blaming others or circumstances for their poor behavior.

• The only thing you can control is your own behavior – how you respond to them and the amount of time you spend with them.

Try to limit your interactions with them. Depending on the severity of their childishness and their willingness to change, you may need to remove them from your life. If the immature person is your romantic partner, consider ending the relationship if they are unwilling to change. If they are someone you cannot completely avoid, such as a boss, coworker, or family member, try to minimize contact as much as possible.

• Keep interactions brief. Politely but firmly excuse yourself from conversations, saying something like, 'I apologize, but I need to cut this conversation short as I have a major project to attend to.'
• In social settings, do your best to avoid them by engaging with other friends or relatives.

Communicate assertively. Emotionally immature individuals can be manipulative and self-centered, so if you must interact with them, do so clearly and assertively. Assertiveness does not mean aggression—it means being clear, respectful, and expressing your needs while still respecting the other person's needs, feelings, and desires. In general, state your needs without worrying about the outcome.

• Understand that even if you express your needs maturely, the immature person may not respond in kind.
• You can refer to our article on How to Be Assertive for more guidance.

Have a conversation with them. If you believe the person is open to feedback and they are someone you don’t want to cut out of your life, try discussing their behavior. Be prepared for defensiveness, as this may make it harder to convey your message. You might even suggest they seek counseling or professional help to learn how to communicate more maturely.

• Point out their childish behavior and how it affects you. For example, 'I feel overwhelmed when you don’t take more responsibility at home. Could you help me out weekly?' Then, provide specific tasks they can do daily to support you.
• Remind them that change can be challenging, but you’re willing to support them in growing and maturing if they’re open to it.

Ignore them and walk away. This is the simplest and most effective approach when someone is acting childish to seek attention or provoke a reaction. By responding, you give them what they want and reinforce their behavior. Ignoring them will frustrate their attempts to provoke you and may lead them to stop.

• If the immature person is losing their temper or trying to argue, do not engage in their attempts to provoke you.
• Look away. Turn your head or roll your eyes to avoid acknowledging their presence.
• Turn your back. Even if they try to confront you, turn away again.
• Walk away. Move purposefully and quickly to avoid them until they stop following you.
• Use technology to ignore them. It’s harder for someone to bother you if you’re engrossed in your phone or tablet. Focus so intently that you don’t notice them.

Politely ask the other person to leave you alone. If they don't understand reason or refuse to go elsewhere, you need to confront them and state that you can no longer communicate with them. Summon your courage and politely request that they give you space, while continuously removing yourself from the uncomfortable environment. You might try one of the following approaches:

• Gently decline by diverting the conversation with a statement like, 'Please let me be. I'm not in a good mood right now.'
• Get straight to the point and tell them what you want: 'Please leave me alone.'
• Take a direct approach: 'I don't want to argue with you. This conversation is over.'
• Use the broken record technique. Simply keep repeating your refusal to engage: 'This conversation is over.' Stay calm while using this technique and try to turn away and walk off.

Inform the person about their behavior. They might not realize that they're acting immaturely. Part of becoming more mature is dealing with younger or less mature individuals. You should confront the immature person bothering you and let them know that their inappropriate actions are pushing you away.

• Being direct can help: 'I don't appreciate your behavior. Please stop.'
• Simply point out their behavior: 'You're being overly childish. Stop bothering me.'
• Turn your response into a question: 'Do you realize how immature your actions are right now?'

Resist the urge to retaliate. Although you might want to react and give them a taste of their own medicine, this can backfire severely. If you're dealing with an immature person at work, your childish behavior could get you into trouble. Additionally, it's risky to provoke someone who is becoming aggressive or losing control. When you feel the urge to retaliate, act maturely, remove yourself from the situation, and walk away.

Seek help. If the person is becoming aggressive and continues to bother you, consider consulting a lawyer or the police. No one has the right to harass or touch you. External intervention is necessary to make such individuals stop bothering you, and they likely won't stop until someone with undeniable influence steps in. Some viable options include:

• Utilize your social support network. If you can't avoid contact with the person, seek help from a friend, family member, teacher, school administrator, boss, or anyone you trust.
• Warn the person that you will call the police. The threat of involving authorities might scare them enough to stop.
• Call the police. If you fear for your safety and/or the person is harassing, threatening, stalking, or acting violently toward you, the police can intervene, or you can file a complaint. Be sure to document each incident in detail so you have a record of the harassment and its duration.
• Harassment includes threats; incessant calls, texts, emails, messages, or other forms of contact; stalking; blackmail; slashing tires.
• In the U.S., you might consider filing for a restraining order. Laws vary by location, but you can speak with the police or a lawyer about your options.

• Take deep breaths. Avoid venting your anger on them, as this could lower you to their level and give them the upper hand.
• Avoid impulsive actions. Give yourself some time before making decisions or speaking out.

• Someone who doesn't act their age and a violent bully are two entirely different things. If you feel you're being bullied, seek help immediately.