How to Deal with Impatient People

Anticipate impatience in the workplace. Dealing with an impatient boss or colleague can negatively impact your productivity. If you know you'll face impatience, prioritize tasks to minimize stress for both parties.

• Your response to impatient people in daily life depends on your relationship with them. Be proactive in handling their urgency based on your connection.
• For example, if your boss gets anxious when reports are submitted last minute, prioritize completing the report early.
• If you can't prioritize helping the impatient person, try setting a schedule that meets both your needs. Communicate your awareness of their anxiety and your desire to find a solution. Once agreed, stick to the schedule to minimize future impatience.

Discuss with your partner how their impatience affects you. In a romantic relationship, you have the right to express your thoughts and feelings about impatience. Using "I" statements can also be effective.

• Set aside time to discuss the root causes of impatience with your partner. Does your boyfriend become impatient because you take too long to get ready for a date? Does your wife lose patience when you can't decide what to eat for dinner? Both of you should try to address the issue together. "I feel anxious when you become impatient with me. What can I do to help you feel less this way?"
• Next, try to propose solutions based on mutual understanding. For example, perhaps your boyfriend could pick you up a few minutes later to give you more time to choose an outfit. Alternatively, you could complete basic preparations and do your makeup or hair in the car.

Develop a specific system to manage impatience in children. If you frequently notice your child (whether young or a teenager) becoming impatient, establish a reasonable method to handle this behavior while ensuring it doesn't frustrate or irritate you. This approach requires evaluating the issue or discussing with your child to determine which strategy works best.

• For young children who become impatient when you're busy or distracted, provide toys, activities, or snacks to temporarily occupy them until you can address their needs.
• For teenagers, solutions depend on the context. For instance, if your child gets impatient while waiting for you to finish a phone call, ask them to write down their needs and prepare their thoughts for discussion. If your teenage son is impatient because his soccer uniform isn't clean, he can inform you in advance so you can wash it on time. Alternatively, you could buy two uniforms to always have a clean set ready.

Use "I" statements when talking to an impatient person. To minimize their impatience, be mindful of your words. Explain how their urgency affects you, aiming to find a solution without blaming or causing conflict. This is not the time for arguments but for building empathy and addressing the issue. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without accusing the other person.

• For example, you could say, "I feel overwhelmed when you rush me to finish tasks. This project will take a few hours. Can you stop checking on me until tomorrow?"
• Ensure you focus on their behavior, not their character. Since you know this person well, address short-term behavior while maintaining a positive daily relationship. Avoid causing trouble; instead, tackle the immediate issue and move forward.

Avoid saying things like "calm down" or "take it easy." Impatience can signal underlying issues, so avoid making comments that downplay the situation. The impatient person might be stressed, feeling isolated, reacting to unexpected delays, or experiencing other emotions. Dismissing their feelings with phrases like "calm down" can trigger a stronger reaction.

• Focus on words that acknowledge their behavior without minimizing their response. For example, if they seem angry while waiting, say, "You seem upset (or stressed, tired, frustrated, etc.). How can I help?" This opens the conversation and avoids further conflict.

Ask how you can help the person. Instead of escalating their impatience, sincerely asking how you can assist them provides an opportunity for them to express their thoughts. This shows you're open to discussing the issue and willing to address their needs.

• Even if you can't immediately fulfill their request, sharing a timeline or updates can ease their discomfort in the moment.

Prevent yourself from reacting angrily. Sometimes, another person's impatience can provoke anger in you. Responding angrily to their frustration or irritation will only worsen the situation. Try one of the following strategies to calm your anger before it spirals out of control.

• Practice deep breathing. Inhale through your mouth for 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, and exhale slowly for 8 counts. Repeat until you feel calm.
• Request a short break. Take a few minutes to collect your thoughts and calm down. Call a friend or take a short walk, then return to address the issue once you're composed.
• Seek a mediator. Some people struggle to work with others. Involve a supervisor or mediator to facilitate the discussion between you and the impatient person. This helps avoid anger and ensures emotions don't escalate the situation.

Ignore the behavior and move on. Some people are naturally impatient—it's part of their personality. If you know someone is often impatient, there's little you can do but ignore it. Taking it personally rather than accepting it sets you up for failure. Acknowledging that a boss, colleague, or acquaintance tends to be impatient in general helps you avoid personalizing their behavior.

• Ignoring is an effective approach for people you don't see daily or know well. If there's no ongoing relationship, focusing too much on their behavior wastes your time.

Reflect on your role in triggering their impatience. Sometimes, people show their worst traits around us because we unintentionally provoke them. Do you often complete tasks late or request extra time? A relaxed "I have all the time in the world" attitude can contribute to their irritability. Do you need to change?

• While a laid-back approach to life might be part of your charm, it can frustrate colleagues or friends who rely on you.
• Perhaps it's time to consider being more mindful of others' needs. This could be as simple as improving communication to show you're willing to adapt.

Consider your own undesirable traits. We all have traits that annoy others. Just as you hope others accept your nature, you should also accept their best and worst qualities.

• You may need to get used to the impatience of those around you if communication isn't your strength. A significant part of impatience often stems from the unknown, so if you notice people becoming frustrated, identifying the cause can be helpful.
• If certain individuals at work or home are frequently impatient with you, ask for their feedback on what triggers this. For example, if they find you disorganized, request suggestions on small steps to improve. This not only helps you change but also shows them you're striving to be better.

Strive to empathize. True empathy means putting yourself in someone else's shoes to understand their perspective. Instead of reacting emotionally to their impatience, pause to consider the root of the issue and their role in the task or situation.

• A big part of empathy involves understanding how your work or task affects others. For instance, if a colleague is waiting for you to finish your report so they can present theirs, their impatience is understandable when they're unaware of your progress.

Don't let impatience affect you. This applies best to two groups: people you rarely interact with or those you know well enough to recognize their impatience is temporary and unrelated to your actions. If a family member is stressed about external issues, their impatience can be ignored. Choosing your battles allows you to focus on the task at hand and avoid unnecessary conflict. You can't focus on your work if you're constantly fighting a losing battle.

• Count to 100. This forces you to focus on counting and lowers your heart rate to a more relaxed state.
• Practice regular self-care. Your ability to care for yourself depends on what helps you relax and center. Some prefer high-intensity exercise, while others enjoy quiet time reading or meditating.

Recognize how today's fast-paced society fuels impatience. We live in a world moving at lightning speed, expecting instant access to almost everything. The internet provides so much information at our fingertips that we forget humans need time to work, prepare reports, and process information. We're not machines, and incorporating the human factor into life is crucial.

Understand the link between impatience, anger, and health. Excessive stress harms both your health and the well-being of those around you. Strive to avoid unnecessary and unproductive stress.

• Stress can fuel impatience. Addressing overall stress in a situation improves the environment for everyone involved and safeguards your general health.
• Instead of arguing over obvious impatience, consider long-term stress as a modifiable factor.

Learn from others' impatience. Impatience signals a focus on the future rather than the present. Witnessing others' impatience can remind us to be more mindful and recognize how our actions impact others. View their urgency as a call to action when necessary.