Buzz
When you realize that your time in this world is coming to an end, it’s natural to feel afraid. However, always remember that you are not alone. You might wish for a peaceful and painless journey. Thankfully, you can manage the pain and discomfort to make yourself feel more at ease. Additionally, focus on maintaining comfort and spending time with your loved ones. Finally, don't forget to pay attention to your emotional needs to find peace.
Note: This article provides guidance for end-of-life care. If you are having thoughts of suicide, please visit how to talk yourself out of suicide or call 800-273-TALK, a suicide prevention hotline. Alternatively, you can text 741741 for support if you are in the U.S. In Vietnam, you should reach out to the psychology department at local hospitals for help.
Steps
Maintain Comfort
Live comfortably in your final days, if possible. You should spend your remaining days in your beloved home, with your family, or in a place where you feel at ease. Share your wishes with your doctor or loved ones and choose what is best for you.
- If you're in the hospital, ask your family and friends to bring items that make you feel comfortable, such as photos, blankets, and pillows from home.
Spend more time doing what you love. This is the perfect moment to engage in activities you truly desire. Do something enjoyable while you still have the energy. If you're feeling too tired, you can always watch your favorite show or read a book.
- For example, you could play a simple game with your family when you feel good or take your dog for a walk.
Listen to music to improve your mood. Music can elevate your spirits and help alleviate pain. Choose the genre you love most, or listen to music that brings back happy memories. You should listen to music regularly to feel more energized.
- It's best to use a voice-controlled device to play music with a simple command. If you're unsure how to set it up, ask a friend or family member for assistance.
Rest frequently, as you may get tired quickly. You may start to feel fatigued easily, which is completely normal. Avoid overexerting yourself during this time. Take more rest so you can enjoy the time you have left.
- For instance, you could spend most of the day relaxing on a lounge chair or in bed.
Keep blankets nearby in case you feel cold. You might have trouble adjusting to temperature changes. When this happens, it's a good idea to have extra blankets within reach to add or remove as needed. Always keep blankets close by to use when you feel cold.
- Avoid using electric blankets, as the temperature can be too hot and may cause burns.
- If you have a caregiver, ask them to help keep you comfortable.
Ask others for help with household tasks to avoid overworking yourself. Try not to worry about household chores such as cooking or cleaning. Instead, have a caregiver, family member, or friend handle these tasks. The best solution is to divide the work among several people to make everything easier.
- It's okay if some tasks are left unfinished. Right now, your comfort and rest are the most important, so don’t stress about it.
Relieve pain or discomfort
Discuss palliative care with your doctor to manage pain. It's great that you're receiving palliative care! This type of care helps control pain and other symptoms throughout your treatment. If you haven't yet experienced palliative care, talk to your doctor for more advice.
- Your doctor, nurses, and other healthcare specialists will work together to alleviate your pain and ease other symptoms.
Prepare an advance directive to ensure your end-of-life wishes are respected. An advance directive is a document that outlines the type of end-of-life care you want to receive. This includes your preferences for life-sustaining treatments and what should happen if you become unconscious. Share your advance directive with your doctor, caregivers, and loved ones.
- You may want to ask someone you trust to help you write the advance directive. They can also assist with notarizing it and consulting a lawyer if necessary.
Ask your doctor for pain relief medication to feel more comfortable. You may need medication to soothe your discomfort, so be sure to talk to your doctor about it. Afterward, follow their medication instructions. Typically, your doctor will advise you to take the medication at the same time each day to keep pain under control.
- Take the medication before the pain comes back. It's easier to prevent the pain than to try to relieve it once it starts.
- If the medication stops working, inform your doctor. They may prescribe a stronger painkiller, such as morphine.
- When managing end-of-life pain, there's no need to worry about becoming addicted to pain medication. Stick to the prescribed doses that your doctor has deemed safe.
Change positions regularly to avoid discomfort while lying down. It's important to rest often, so make sure you're lying down more frequently. To prevent soreness, switch positions every 30 minutes to an hour. Additionally, use pillows and cushions to support your body and make yourself comfortable.
- Ask for help if you have trouble repositioning yourself. It's okay to feel weak—your caregivers, friends, and family will be there to help you.
Sit down and use a fan or humidifier to ease respiratory issues. You might experience shortness of breath, which can be very uncomfortable. You'll breathe easier by using a wedge pillow or an adjustable bed to elevate your upper body. Additionally, open a window or use a fan to help with airflow. Alternatively, turning on a humidifier can add moisture to the air and soothe your airways.
- This condition is medically referred to as dyspnea. Your doctor may prescribe pain medication or an oxygen machine to help you feel more comfortable when breathing is difficult.
Request medication for nausea or constipation if needed. You might experience common stomach issues like nausea or constipation. If this happens, avoid eating unless you feel like it. Also, discuss with your doctor about medications to help you feel more at ease. Always follow your doctor's instructions when taking any prescribed medicine.
- Your doctor may also offer advice on how to prevent nausea and constipation.
Apply alcohol-free body lotion to prevent dry, irritated skin. Sometimes, your skin may become very dry and painful. In some cases, it might even crack. Fortunately, you can avoid this by applying alcohol-free body lotion at least once a day. You can apply the lotion with your hands or ask for help.
- Reapply the lotion whenever your skin feels dry. For example, you'll want to apply lotion to your hands after washing them.
Spend time with friends and family
Invite friends and family to visit you regularly. Being around loved ones can significantly improve your mood. However, they might not visit as often if they aren't sure about your wishes. Call or message them to let everyone know you want visitors. Be sure to specify the best time for a visit and invite them.
- You might say, "I would like to see everyone at home. Please visit during dinner time so we can chat. Is anyone free this week?"
- Take some time alone to rest or reflect if you'd prefer. Let others know you need some private space and would like to be alone for a bit.
Share your feelings with others. Expressing your emotions is a great way to find peace within yourself. Additionally, your friends and family will cherish the memorable moments spent with you. Consider making a list of the people you'd like to talk to before leaving and schedule time with them.
- For instance, express your love to your family and friends.
- Thank those you are grateful for.
- Forgive those who have hurt you in the past.
- Apologize for any wrongs you may have committed.
Reflect on meaningful relationships and experiences. Take some time to think about your life and the precious memories you've created. Share your stories with friends and family and explain the significance of those experiences. If possible, look through photos to help you remember what has been important to you.
- This process will help you realize how fulfilling and meaningful your life has been, bringing you peace of mind.
Complete the things you've always wanted to do, if possible. Identify activities or experiences that you can still accomplish in your final days. Reach out to friends and family to make these things happen. Don't stress about meeting goals—focus on enjoying the time you have by completing what you can.
- For example, visit a tranquil countryside, watch the sunrise over the ocean, or embark on a cruise vacation.
Confront emotional pain
Confide in someone you trust when you're feeling frustrated. It’s completely natural to feel anxious or fearful, leading to a sense of unease. Share these emotions with a loved one or friend, and seek their advice or reassurance.
- For example, you might say, "I'm worried about who will take care of my dogs after I pass. Do you have any advice?" or "I'm scared of going back to the hospital. Can I talk to you for a bit?"
Consult with a therapist or counselor if you're finding it difficult to accept the reality of your situation. It's possible that you have not yet come to terms with your illness or the fact that your life is coming to an end. This is a normal emotional state, and a psychological counselor can help you navigate through it. Seek a therapist who specializes in end-of-life care, or ask your doctor to recommend someone appropriate.
- If you choose palliative care, your caregiving team will include a therapist. Be sure to reach out to them if you need emotional support.
- Therapy sessions may be covered by insurance, so it's important to review your policy details.
- You might feel that therapy is pointless right now, but your emotional well-being is incredibly important. Talking to a therapist can help bring peace to your final days, making it a worthwhile step.
Have a conversation with the leader of your spiritual community at least once a week. It's normal to question your faith or worry about the afterlife. Reach out to your spiritual or religious community to help answer those big questions and reconnect with your beliefs. The spiritual leader can offer answers, companionship, and comfort.
- Consider inviting several spiritual leaders to visit you so you can engage with them more frequently.
- If you're feeling disconnected from your faith, be open about it so others can adjust and share insights that resonate with your personal beliefs.
- Invite community members to talk with you about your faith or to pray with you.
Don’t rush to end your life. You might be in pain right now, but suicide is not the solution. While it may feel like there are no other options, hope still exists. Talk to a trusted person, go to the hospital, or consult with a mental health professional for support.
- If you're experiencing suicidal thoughts and need help, call 800-273-TALK – the suicide prevention hotline if you're in the U.S. In Vietnam, visit a psychiatric department at a hospital to clear your mind of negative thoughts. You will feel better!
Advice
- Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it. Your family and friends love you and are always ready to support you.
