How to detect a liar when you're close to them: 15 signs to recognize

It's frustrating to realize you've been lied to, but it's even more distressing when you're unsure whether someone close to you is being dishonest. Is it all just your imagination, or are there clear signs that they're not being truthful? Often, when you have a bad feeling, something might be off. Whether you're trying to figure out if your partner is deceiving you or if you want to uncover someone's dishonest behavior, we're here to help. This guide will show you how to spot the common signs that indicate your loved one may not be telling the truth.

You might know your loved ones better than you think. If doubt has crept into your mind, something might be wrong. People are often good at detecting lies, especially when they know someone's usual behavior well. If you feel that your partner is acting untruthfully, it's worth investigating what might be happening.

• Your intuition can also be wrong. They could be going through something that causes unusual behavior, or perhaps they're secretly planning a surprise birthday party for you. Don't jump to conclusions, but understand that your instincts are worth considering. If you feel something is off, there's a good chance it might be true.

If their story contains small inconsistencies, it could indicate they are fabricating a larger lie. Liars often struggle to remember all the details of their fabricated stories, and in the end, they may tell it differently or confuse certain details. If you suspect they are lying about something, pay close attention to their explanations or recounts of the events. If their stories seem inconsistent or if certain details are added or omitted, they might be lying.

• If you catch someone lying about a small detail, they could also be lying about bigger issues. Don’t accept their excuses that changes in the story are just a result of “forgetting” or “mistakes.”
• For example, if your partner claims they went to a Japanese restaurant before heading home, but then later says “I came straight home last night,” that’s a sign they’ve forgotten their own fabricated story from before.
• Even more devious, they may try to convince you that you are the one who’s confused or forgetting what they said. This psychological manipulation technique is a red flag, especially if you're in a romantic relationship with them.
• Although this method might seem confrontational, you can ask them to recount the story in reverse order. Often, liars cannot tell the story accurately when asked to present it backwards.

People tend to avoid situations where they know they will have to lie. If the person seems to avoid talking, refuses to discuss a specific issue with you, or won’t share details about something they did, this is a strong indication they might be hiding something. Honest people rarely feel uncomfortable discussing any topic. If they tend to vanish every time you want to talk, it’s a suspicious sign they might be lying. Here are a few clues that might help you identify a liar when you're in a romantic relationship:

• Refusing to talk and saying “We’ll talk later.”
• Giving vague answers instead of offering specific details.
• Trying to change the subject.
• Using general pronouns (for instance, using “they” instead of naming a person).
• Hesitating and remaining silent for a long time before responding.

If you're in a romantic relationship with someone, pay attention to how they use their phone. If they leave their phone face up when you're around, it suggests they have nothing to hide and are comfortable with you seeing the notifications. However, if they keep it face down, they might be concealing something. Also, notice if they always keep their phone nearby, even when going to the bathroom or getting snacks while watching a movie together – this could indicate they're hiding something or being dishonest.

• Asking to see your partner's phone is always a risky move. On the other hand, if they have nothing to hide and you handle it carefully and respectfully, they may feel disrespected or violated if you overstep.
• Don’t rush to conclusions and assume your partner is cheating just because of their phone usage without any other evidence.

In any conversation, it's unlikely the person will feel at ease if they are guilty, but you can test them by switching to a harmless topic. If you're in an argument where you suspect they're lying or accusing them of dishonesty, try changing the subject. A liar will feel relief as they get away from the pressure and become relaxed. On the other hand, someone who is truthful will continue defending themselves to prove their innocence.

• For example, if you're having a heated argument with your boyfriend about him meeting up with his ex, try asking something else: "So, what should we have for dinner tonight? Do you want to order something?" If he responds with: "What? Who cares about that right now? I didn’t meet up with Ngọc!" It might mean he’s telling the truth.
• If you’re talking to a friend whom you suspect is lying about not inviting you to a party, try changing the subject and asking something different, like whether you left your jacket at their place or if there's homework in a particular subject. If they’re dishonest, they'll steer the conversation away and focus on your new question.

A liar might turn the tables by accusing you instead. If they feel cornered by your questions, they could attempt to shift the conversation by accusing you of something, trying to divert the attention from themselves. If they start accusing you of something you weren’t questioning them about, it’s a red flag for dishonesty.

• For example, if you suspect your wife of having a secret bank account and ask her about it, she might say, "I’ve always been open about everything. What about you? Check your bank statements! I’m sure you're hiding something!"
• A liar might also use a domineering attitude to deflect. For instance, if you complain to your mother that she forgot your birthday and refuses to acknowledge it, she might respond, "Last year, you forgot Mother’s Day. So, what’s the big deal?"

If someone slips up during a conversation, it might reveal they are lying. Most people get caught up in conversations without thinking too much about every word they say. If a close person is hiding something from you, they might accidentally reveal the truth during a long chat. If they keep making mistakes or constantly say, “Sorry, I meant…,” they might be trying to deceive you.

• For instance, if they say, “…after the party, I was with Minh… oh wait, I mean Sơn. Sorry, actually Minh wasn’t there,” it’s very likely Minh was there after all.

A liar may struggle when bombarded with questions. If you suspect someone is lying, show curiosity. Ask many questions about the story they’re telling. If they get something wrong, accidentally reveal something, fail to answer your questions, or start to get nervous and stumble, it’s a clear sign they might be lying to you.

• If you want to know whether your son went to the party last night, you could ask: “Who did you go with?” “Where did you go?” “What time did you come home?” and “How much money did you spend?”
• If you suspect your husband isn’t being honest about his dinner plans, ask: “Where did you eat?” “What did you order?” or “Did you meet anyone last night?”
• Try asking the same question multiple times, like: “Oh, I forgot, who did you say you went with last night?” If they give a different answer, they’re likely making up a story.

A person's way of speaking is just as noticeable as the words they say. A liar can mask their dishonesty by rambling or overpowering the other person. They may also raise their voice as a defense mechanism. Since you already know how this person typically speaks, it's important to pay attention to any changes in their speech and tone. These changes could reveal that they are not being truthful.

• They might even repeat a phrase or sentence multiple times. For example, if your husband keeps saying, 'I’m not lying! I’m not cheating!' or your mom keeps insisting, 'I completely support your decision. I have no other intention than to support your decision,' they may be lying.
• They might also use shorter sentences than usual. For instance, instead of saying 'I didn’t do that,' they might simply say 'I didn’t.' It's not always easy to tell if it's a lie, but this shortening is a sign that they want to answer quickly because they feel uncomfortable.

Liars often look away if they are not being truthful. If your partner usually maintains eye contact but suddenly looks away, it could be a sign of dishonesty. When someone is intentionally lying, they often avoid looking directly into the eyes of the person they’re speaking to, so they may glance at you, look down, or shift their gaze elsewhere while talking.

• Common behaviors thought to indicate lying (looking away, defensive posture, fidgeting, etc.) are not always accurate. Research over the years has shown that these signs are not universally reliable.
• People sometimes look away when they are deep in thought or searching for the right words. If they briefly glance away when you ask something but then return to normal eye contact, they were probably just thinking about what you said.
• If they are a pathological liar, they might maintain intense eye contact without blinking or avoid looking away at all. Staring uncomfortably without natural breaks could be a sign they are lying.

Body language can reveal if someone is lying. If your partner is lying, they may feel anxious. This anxiety might cause them to cross their arms over their chest or touch their neck. They may turn their body away from you or cross their legs tightly. Some people even shift their weight from one foot to the other or shake their leg. Pay attention to how they stand or sit to assess if they might be lying.

• If they step back from you (move away a little or seem ready to walk off) during a conversation, it is a clear indication they might not be honest.

If you suspect someone is lying, pay attention to how their hands move. During normal conversation, people will naturally find a comfortable spot to rest their hands and leave them there. In contrast, someone lying may twist their fingers, fiddle with an object, or touch their ears, nose, or mouth. If you notice their hands are not staying still, it could be a sign they are lying.

• They may also constantly point, especially when trying to shift the situation by accusing you of something.

Sometimes, lying is easier than telling the truth. People often convince themselves that telling a small lie isn't such a big deal. The problem is that lying becomes a habit. One small lie leads to another, and eventually, they end up lying multiple times to cover up the original story. In the end, they may have lied dozens of times. Sometimes, people lie without any particular reason. It's important to recognize that your loved ones might not intend to hurt your feelings, and it doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about you.

• Sometimes, people convince themselves there’s no lie at all, because pretending nothing is wrong seems easier. If possible, take a step back and assess others' behavior more objectively.

Some lies won't be a problem if you're willing to accept them. Everyone tells harmless lies from time to time. These kinds of lies usually serve the purpose of sparing the listener's feelings. If your loved one occasionally tells a small lie to avoid making you sad, it's probably not worth expending energy over. In a way, these harmless lies show that the person cares about you, as they need empathy to know what might upset you, and love to avoid making you unhappy.

• A classic example: 'Does this dress make me look fat?' The truth might hurt, and it's usually not helpful to tell someone that the outfit they love isn't very flattering.
• If someone lies to you about something serious or lies without trying to protect your feelings, that's definitely something you should address.

If you have evidence of their dishonesty, confront them. The best approach is to be direct, present the evidence, and stay calm and rational. Don't show anger (even if you're upset) if you want them to reveal the truth and talk about the issue. If they admit it, you might be able to improve your relationship. If they don't, consider whether you understand the situation correctly or if it might be time to reconsider your relationship.

• You could say: 'Hey, I’m not angry, but I need to know the truth. You told me three different stories about what happened last night, and then you kept fidgeting and looking away. What’s really going on?'
• You could tell an untruthful friend: 'You said you were too sick to come to my party, but then you avoided me and mentioned you were out that night. Why didn’t you show up?'
• If the lie is minor, you don't have to push for an explanation if you don't want to, but be mindful of it. If they've lied to you about something small, they might lie about bigger things as well.