Buzz
Learn how to figure out if he’s in a relationship without it feeling awkward
Guys can be tricky to read, and it’s not always clear if they like you or if they’re already in a relationship. Or worse, it can be hard to tell that they're dating someone, even if they're showing interest in you. We consulted dating expert John Keegan about the most common signs that he's already taken, how to ask him directly, and how to tell if you're just the 'other' girl in his life.
How to Tell If He’s Already Taken
- He mentions spending time with a significant other.
- He shares posts about his partner on social media.
- He doesn't flirt back or feels distant when you try to flirt with him.
- He seems to hide your relationship when you're together.
- His friends mention that he’s already in a relationship.
- He’s frequently available to hang out, without other obligations.
What to Do Next
Indicators That He Might Be In a Relationship
If he frequently says “we” or “us” instead of just “I.” Guys don’t always make it clear when they’re involved with someone, but take note if he mentions ‘we’ or ‘us’ while talking about plans or past activities—this could mean there's a girlfriend in the picture. He might even talk about a specific girl without clarifying their relationship status.
- Be aware of other hints that a girl might be in his life. He might casually mention shopping for gifts or that he has to prepare dinner for two.
If he doesn’t flirt back when you show interest. Keegan shares that a lot can be read from the way someone interacts with you. Try a few playful moves! Flirt with him by complimenting him or teasing him lightly. For example, say, “I love your eyes,” or “You’ve got great style.” If he matches your energy, it’s a good sign he’s available. However, if he seems distant or changes the topic, it could mean that he's already in a relationship or just not interested in flirting.
- Some guys can be naturally charming to everyone, even if they are already taken. Don’t get carried away with the flirting until you know for sure he’s single.
- Being polite or nice doesn’t always mean flirting. He could just be being friendly without romantic intent.
If his body language is stiff or distant with you. Keegan explains that you can often tell a lot about someone's availability by their body language. Guys with girlfriends typically avoid being too touchy with other women. He may limit physical contact to just his male friends or female relatives. If he keeps his distance when you try to hug him or sit near him, it's a sign he may be already in a relationship.
- Keep in mind, some guys are naturally more physical even if they are taken, so don’t assume that avoiding touch always means he’s off the market.
- Don’t push him into any physical closeness if you notice him backing off. Respect his space and avoid pressuring him.
- If he deliberately avoids being alone with you, he might be trying to maintain the image of being in a committed relationship.
If he’s put you in the friend zone. A guy usually reserves his romantic attention for his girlfriend. If the guy you’re interested in treats you like one of the guys and doesn't make time for you, it could be a sign he’s already in a relationship. For instance, being put in the friend zone often means he introduces you to others as his friend or uses neutral terms like “dude” or “buddy” to label you.
- Girlfriends often enjoy priority over a guy’s free time, especially on weekends. If you can never find a time to hang out, he might be reserving those moments for his girlfriend.
- He might mention special outings with family or events he’s attending but never extends an invitation to you—possibly because his girlfriend takes precedence in those plans.
Observe how he spends his free time. Typically, a guy will dedicate most of his leisure time to his girlfriend. However, if he spends more time with you or his male friends, it could indicate that he doesn't have other commitments. If you ask about his plans for the evening or weekend and he has no plans, it might suggest that he doesn’t have a steady girlfriend.
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He keeps his personal life under wraps. If you think a guy might be cheating on his girlfriend and you're the ‘other woman,’ observe his behavior closely. He will likely act suspiciously around you. For example, he may change your contact name in his phone, give vague or deceptive answers about his whereabouts, or limit when you can call or text him—these could be signs he's trying to hide you from his girlfriend.
- If he hasn’t introduced you to any of his friends, family, or colleagues, it might be because he doesn’t want anyone to know about you.
- It may not be your role to inform his girlfriend about the cheating. This could backfire, so it's best to remove yourself from the situation and avoid being involved in the drama.
PRO TIP
John Keegan
Dating Specialist
Dating Specialist
Avoiding family introductions might point to commitment fears. If he consistently delays introducing you to his family and friends, it could be a sign that he isn’t ready for a serious relationship. Alternatively, this behavior might stem from deeper insecurities about relationships in general.
He has a girl featured on his social media accounts. Keegan recommends checking his social media pages for any clues. Review his Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram to see if he frequently posts about a particular girl or shares pictures with her. You can also check his profile descriptions for any indication of a relationship.
- Don’t forget to look at his friends' pages. Sometimes, a guy won’t post pictures of his relationship, but his friends might share photos of him with someone else.
- Be cautious about interacting with his posts. Liking or commenting on older pictures could alert him that you’ve been looking at his content.
- It’s also possible that he doesn’t use social media, so checking his friends' pages may provide more insight.
You discover signs of a girlfriend through his phone contacts. Just like girls, guys often keep pictures or messages from a special someone on their phones. While it’s important to respect his privacy, you might notice a photo of a girl set as his wallpaper or a contact labeled “GF” when he opens his messages.
- If you need to borrow his phone, say your battery died and you need to make a quick call. This may help you avoid raising suspicion.
- Be sure not to invade his privacy too much. Snooping through his phone or logging into his social media accounts could lead to trouble, so be cautious about crossing boundaries.
He doesn’t show interest in other girls. A guy who’s committed to a relationship typically doesn’t give much attention to other women. He won’t check out girls passing by or compliment their appearance to his friends. If he’s single, however, he might show interest in those around him.
- If you notice that he may have a girlfriend but still flirts with other women, that’s a red flag—he might be cheating, so proceed with caution.
- If he shares his number with other girls, he could be single. Now, it’s your turn to catch his eye!
His friends might confirm he’s in a relationship. Sometimes a guy is difficult to figure out or keeps his life private. Try asking one of his friends if your crush is seeing someone. You can either slip it into casual conversation or directly message one of his friends for a more straightforward approach.
- Be subtle when asking. For example, you could say, “What does your friend usually do with his free time?” or make a playful comment like, “Where’s he headed, off on a hot date?”
- Keep in mind that your inquiry could make its way back to the guy you like. Guys talk amongst themselves, just like girls do.
- If he is single, letting him know you’ve been talking to his friends could subtly hint that you're interested in him.
Asking him directly about his relationship status.
Wait for a private moment to ask. If you’re in a group, avoid asking about someone’s relationship status right then—it can feel uncomfortable. Be patient and wait until you have a moment alone to ask. You don’t want to make him feel awkward by discussing his personal life in front of others.
- Wait until your friends leave or find a time when you can talk to him one-on-one, like walking home together.
- It’s best to ask in person if you can. While text or messages can work, face-to-face interaction is more personal if you’re trying to make your move!
Be upfront, but keep it casual and avoid pressuring him. Keegan advises that there’s no harm in asking directly. For instance, you could say, “I’ve been wondering, do you have a girlfriend?” If you keep it casual, he shouldn't feel any pressure.
- Another playful way to ask could be, “You seem so awesome—how are you still single?”
- If he hasn’t realized that you’re interested, your question may prompt him to notice your feelings.
- Don’t stress too much if he says he’s taken. There are always other guys, and not all good ones are off the market.
Pay attention if he avoids answering your question. If he doesn’t give a clear “yes” or “no,” this could be a sign that something’s off. Any hesitation or nervousness may indicate that he’s hiding something, like a relationship or a complicated situation. It’s best to steer clear of someone who isn’t honest.
- He may have his own reasons, but the bottom line is that he’s likely not available.
Stay calm and casual no matter what his response is. It can be disappointing to find out that the guy you like is already in a relationship, but it’s important to remain composed when he responds. Regardless of whether the answer is yes or no, reacting with grace ensures you don’t damage the connection you share.
- If he has a girlfriend, try saying, “She’s a lucky one, then!” and shift the topic to keep things light and avoid any awkwardness.
- If he’s single, you could respond with something like, “Oh, that’s interesting,” to keep up the air of mystery and avoid making it too obvious that you’re interested in him.
- Remember, no matter how much you like someone, it’s never worth causing harm to a relationship just to pursue your own desires.
Signs You Might Be the Other Girl
He’s constantly hard to pin down, or keeps changing plans. If you're the other woman, you likely won’t be his priority. He might be unavailable on weekends, or only free during that time. Last-minute cancellations or sudden changes in plans could be signs that he’s trying to hide something from his other partner, and you’re left dealing with the consequences.
- You probably never visit his place. Instead, your meet-ups happen at either your home or a remote location far from his neighborhood, keeping your relationship low-profile.
He’s overly protective of his phone. His phone holds a lot of personal information, and he may be cautious about you snooping through it. While you shouldn’t invade his privacy, if he’s constantly turning his phone away from you, refuses to let you scroll through his photos, or steps away to take calls, it’s a red flag.
- Some people just value their privacy, so it could simply mean he’s protective of his personal space—but it’s worth considering if something more is going on.
He keeps you away from his friends and family. When he’s seeing you secretly, he’ll do his best to keep you hidden from his social circle, which means not inviting you to family gatherings or hanging out with his friends. You’ll mostly meet in private or with your own friends.
- He may talk about his family and friends, but they always seem to be unavailable or out of the picture when it’s time to introduce you.
He keeps you off his social media. If he's trying to keep you under wraps, he won’t post about you. That means no shared photos, no tagging, and no liking of your posts. In fact, he may not even follow you on social media.
- You could test the waters by asking him in person if you can follow him to gauge his response.
You only get a glimpse of a part of his life. When he’s leading a double life, you’ll only be exposed to certain aspects of it. Other parts, such as his hobbies, friendships, or daily routines, will remain hidden. This often signals that he’s compartmentalizing you, keeping you separated from his deeper, personal world.
- For instance, he might have children that he never mentions or serious issues he insists you shouldn’t worry about, even though a true couple would face these challenges together.
He reacts negatively when you discuss your relationship. If you bring up the possibility of deepening your connection or becoming more serious, and he gets defensive or distant, something isn’t right. He might simply be unwilling to move forward, which is troubling enough, but the reason could be that he’s already progressing with someone else and is not ready to admit it.
Keep things light and avoid overdoing it. If you reveal too much too soon or stalk him too intensely, you may come across as desperate.
The insights in this section are based on the real-life experiences of Mytour readers like you. If you have valuable advice to share with the Mytour community, please submit it below.
- Bring up a fun memory you shared with him in the past, then mention how you’d love to relive that moment sometime. If he seems hesitant, it could be a sign that he’s involved with someone else. But don't press him for answers.
- If he consistently has excuses for not picking up when you call, it’s a red flag that he might not be as reliable or trustworthy as you’d hope.
- Even if he’s in a relationship, don’t stress—there are plenty of other great people out there, and you’ll definitely find someone amazing!
