How to determine if someone is trustworthy.

When you're in the process of hiring someone or meeting a new individual, it can be challenging to gauge their trustworthiness. While the person may leave a favorable first impression, that initial impression might be misleading or inaccurate. To truly assess whether someone can be trusted in a professional or personal role, observe their behavior and gather evidence of their character through references, recommendations, and verification.

Observe their eyes. Many people believe that you can tell if someone is lying based on where their eyes move: if they look to the right, they're telling the truth; if they look to the left, they're lying. However, there is no solid evidence to support this claim. Maintaining eye contact does not necessarily mean the person is honest; a liar doesn't always need to look away. You can, however, pay attention to their pupils: liars' pupils tend to dilate, a sign of stress and focus.

• Both liars and trustworthy people may look away when asked a tough question because thinking about the answer requires focus. However, a liar will look away for only a short period, while a truthful person will take longer to consider their response.
• Although eye contact alone is not a definitive indicator of trustworthiness, those who excel at maintaining eye contact are often good communicators and may feel comfortable showing vulnerability.

Pay attention to the other person's body language. A key factor in determining someone's trustworthiness is observing their body language and how they present themselves in front of others. However, don't rely solely on body language; most signs in this form of communication indicate stress or anxiety, which could be signs of dishonesty or discomfort.

Observe if the person follows through on their commitments. Trustworthy individuals typically show up on time for appointments or meetings, signaling that they value others' time. If someone is frequently late without informing you or doesn't show up at all, it could be a sign that they are not reliable in keeping their commitments.

Pay attention to how the person reacts to difficult or challenging questions. During an interview, try asking a tough or challenging question and observe how they respond. The question doesn’t need to be aggressive or misleading, but should be open-ended and prompt thoughtful reflection. Give the person an opportunity to respond honestly and openly.

Ask open-ended personal questions. Open-ended questions encourage the person to share more information. Questions like 'Can you tell me more about...?' or 'Tell me more about...?' work well. If you suspect they may be lying, start with general questions and then get more specific. Watch for inconsistencies in details. Liars often struggle to tell a coherent story, especially when it becomes more complex.

Listen carefully when they speak. Research suggests that liars often exhibit certain 'quirks' in their language use. Pay attention to both the content of their speech and how they say it. Here are a few key factors to observe:

• Rare use of first-person pronouns. Liars often avoid using the word 'I' frequently. They try to distance themselves from the responsibility of their actions, aiming to keep their story from sounding overly invested.
• Negative emotional language. Studies show that people who struggle with the truth tend to feel anxious and guilty, which is reflected in their vocabulary. They often use words that convey negative emotions like 'hate, worthless, and sad.'
• Sparse use of exclusionary words. Words like 'except, but, or' indicate that the person is distinguishing between what happened and what didn’t. Liars typically avoid using such words because they complicate their narrative.
• Lack of detail. Liars tend to provide fewer details than normal when discussing a topic. They may also offer justifications for their answers even when not asked.

Look for reciprocity. Trustworthy individuals respect and cooperate in communication. If you constantly feel the need to pry for important information, chase personal revelations in conversation, or aren't getting help when requested, you are dealing with someone untrustworthy.

Consider the pace at which they progress. Rushing into a relationship is a red flag indicating potential abuse. If they pressure you into quick commitments, frequently flatter you, or attempt to isolate you from friends and family to claim you 'for themselves,' this person is not someone to trust.

Observe how they treat others. Sometimes, untrustworthy individuals will try hard to impress you, and interactions between you might seem fine. However, maintaining this 'mask' takes a lot of effort, and they often slip up. Watch how they engage with others. Do they gossip about colleagues when they're not around? Treat restaurant staff poorly? Struggle to control their emotions with others? These are signs that the person is not reliable.

Check their social media. It's hard to maintain a fake persona, especially with the frequent use of social media. Research indicates that Facebook profiles are more likely to reflect someone's true personality than the outward persona they project. If you have doubts about someone's trustworthiness, you can examine their social media accounts to see if their online image aligns with the person you've met.

• Studies suggest that most people tell 'harmless lies' on dating websites, such as exaggerating weight, age, height, or income. People are more likely to lie in romantic situations than in other social contexts. However, major lies are less common.

Request at least three references. If you're interviewing someone or considering them for a position, ask for at least three references—two professional and one personal.

• Be mindful of whether they refuse to provide references or try to avoid the request. Typically, trustworthy candidates are eager to provide references, as they are confident about what these individuals will say about them.
• Be cautious with personal references like family members or close friends. The best personal references are those who know the candidate both personally and professionally, and can offer unbiased examples of their character.

Verify the candidate's character with their references. Once you have references, take time to contact each one and ask basic questions to learn more about the candidate's personality. You can inquire about how they know the candidate, whether professionally and/or personally, and how long they've known each other. You may also ask why they would recommend the candidate for this position and request any examples they can provide to support their recommendation.

• Pay attention to any remarks that might undermine the candidate or raise doubts about their reliability. You should follow up with the candidate to discuss any comments made by references, giving them a chance to explain, especially if you are seriously considering them for the role.

Request personal information, such as a resume or list of previous employers. If you're still unsure about the person's character, you can ask for more personal details, such as a resume or a list of companies they've worked for. Most people won't be concerned about a background check if they are completely honest and have nothing to hide.

• The list of companies the person has worked for, along with contact information for those employers, can show that the candidate is not embarrassed to discuss their work history and is willing to let you contact their former employers.
• If you remain uncertain about someone you met in a social context, you can always verify their background online.