Buzz
Feeling attraction for someone can be a deeply enjoyable experience. It awakens your desires and interests in ways few emotions can. It simply feels extraordinary! However, understanding if you're genuinely attracted to someone isn’t always a simple task. The human mind is complex, and it's easy to confuse appreciation or platonic affection with true attraction. Don’t worry if you're uncertain or conflicted—taking time for self-reflection before jumping into a new relationship is both normal and healthy.
Steps
Analyzing Your Actions
Pay attention to how often you think about the person. If you're attracted to someone, you may find that you think about them more often than others in your life. They may even pop into your thoughts at unexpected moments. If you're not attracted to them, however, they likely won't cross your mind randomly. Ask yourself questions such as:
- Do I find myself wanting to be around them more often?
- Am I disappointed when they don’t reply to my messages or calls?
- Do everyday moments trigger thoughts about them?
- Do I frequently think about them or imagine being in a relationship with them?
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 1086 Mytour readers, and 69% agreed that the most obvious sign of growing feelings for someone is thinking about them constantly and imagining being together. [Take Poll]
Notice if you alter your appearance or become self-conscious around them. If you suddenly find yourself caring more about your looks when you know you'll be seeing them, it could be a sign you're attracted. When you want someone to like you, you'll naturally want to appear appealing to them. Ask yourself:
- Am I more concerned about how my hair looks?
- Do I spend extra time picking out my outfit?
- Am I wearing more cologne or perfume than usual?
Think about whether you change your behavior when they're near. If you like someone, you might want to impress them. You may catch yourself boasting more or agreeing with them, even when your opinion differs. You might also feel more awkward or playful than usual. If you notice you don’t feel like yourself around them, it might indicate you have feelings for them. Look out for these other signs:
- Do you find it hard to take your eyes off them?
- Do you feel nervous or awkward making eye contact?
- Are you more energetic or self-conscious when they're around?
- Do you smile at them without even realizing it?
See if you're suddenly interested in their hobbies and passions. Are you now fascinated by theater simply because they're into it? A major clue that you might have a crush on someone is when your desire to be near them outweighs your usual preferences. For instance, if you're not a fan of country music but eagerly agree to go to a bluegrass concert with them, it’s likely that you like them. You may also do things like:
- Agree with their political views even if you don’t actually share them.
- Go along with eating food you dislike just to accompany them to their favorite restaurant.
- Laugh at all of their jokes, even when they’re not that funny.
Observe if your heart races or if you feel butterflies when you're around them. Sometimes, recognizing attraction is simple. If you experience a physical reaction when you see them, such as an increased heart rate, sweaty palms, or butterflies in your stomach, it’s a clear sign you might be attracted to them!
- Notice how your body responds the next time you're in their presence.
- Feeling anxious or nervous could also indicate you're into them.
Understanding Your Emotions
Reflect on your emotions and label them to understand your true feelings. Emotions can be intense and puzzling. Try to identify each emotion you experience when you're around them. If you enjoy their company but don't feel attracted to their appearance, you may simply want to be friends. If you're drawn to being physically close, it might be a sign of real attraction.
Ask yourself if you're physically attracted to them. We all have different physical preferences when it comes to romantic partners. If you think about kissing, hugging, or cuddling with them, it’s likely that you're attracted.
- Physical attractiveness varies from person to person. Think about this person’s overall look to determine if you find them attractive.
- Physical appearance includes facial features (eyes, nose, lips, cheekbones), personal hygiene, hairstyle, clothing, and any other factor that shapes their appearance.
- If you generally prefer people with brown hair, don’t rule out someone with blonde or red hair. Attraction isn’t a simple checklist! Your preferences are more complex.
Identify what you don't like about them to recognize deal breakers. A deal breaker is any quality or characteristic that immediately cancels out the things you find attractive. For example, some people are strongly turned off by smoking. While not a physical trait, it can influence overall attraction. You might also have physical deal breakers.
- If you're torn between liking this person and feeling repelled, there could be a subconscious deal breaker at play.
Evaluate how they treat others. How someone interacts with others is crucial. Most people find kindness and empathy extremely appealing. If they show genuine care for others, you're more likely to be attracted to them.
- Kindness might be obvious, like volunteering to help the less fortunate. It could also be something as simple as offering support to friends or classmates.
- Watching how they engage with others can offer clues about how loving and caring they would be as a partner.
Spend quality time together to gain clarity on why you like them. Spend more time with this person and let your feelings develop naturally. Engaging in activities together gives you a chance to discover what you truly appreciate about them. It will also allow you to build a connection if you're interested in pursuing a relationship.
- Listen carefully to them. Active listening is an essential skill that helps you connect and understand others better.
- Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share more. For instance, ask, “What was your childhood like?” or, “What do you do when you’re feeling bored?”
Starting a Relationship
Look for signals that indicate they find you attractive. People often give off subtle, non-verbal signals when they’re interested in someone. This could include prolonged eye contact, sneaky glances when they think you're not looking, or accidental physical contact, such as bumping into you or brushing past your shoulder.
- Other signs include longer hugs than usual, recalling small details about you, twirling their hair, or making the extra effort to chat with you in larger groups.
Ask about their values and beliefs to assess if you’re a good match. Reflect on their strengths and see how they align with your own values. Do you both value humor, loyalty, compassion, and creativity? If so, you might make a great pair. Look for specific examples to help you decide whether this is worth pursuing.
- Couples who share a similar worldview tend to have more successful relationships.
- If you prioritize family time, but they talk about moving far away, it could indicate a potential obstacle in the future of the relationship.
EXPERT ADVICE
John Keegan
Dating Expert
Dating Expert
Attraction is more than just looks. Look for someone with intellect, confidence, and compassion. A person who shares your core values and helps you grow is far more significant in creating a fulfilling relationship than mere physical appeal.
Strengthen your connection by spending quality time together. Plan activities like volunteering, grabbing coffee regularly, or joining a group. Seek out new experiences and value your time together. Keep the lines of communication open, create lasting memories, and let your relationship deepen over time!
- Relationships aren’t always smooth sailing. Arguments are okay from time to time—they don’t necessarily mean your feelings for each other are fading.
- If they seem eager to spend more time with you, it’s a good sign you’re on the right track. Keep nurturing the relationship to keep things progressing.
Express your feelings if you sense they feel the same. If you believe they’re also interested in you, take the chance and open up. Share your feelings with them in private without needing a grand romantic gesture. You might regret not saying something, wondering what could have been.
- You could say, “I just want you to know how much I enjoy our time together, and I like you!” Allow them some time to respond, and if they feel the same, suggest going on a date.
- Don’t take it personally if the feelings aren’t mutual. Simply respond with, “I understand and there’s no hard feelings.” If you were friends beforehand, assure them that you’d still like to remain friends.
Grow your relationship in a healthy manner. Allow the relationship to naturally develop over time. Prioritize open communication and mutual respect as you build your connection. Ensure both of you feel valued and appreciated. Enjoy your time together and make dates that you both enjoy. Life becomes even more fulfilling when shared with someone who truly matters, so cherish every moment!
- Be mindful of giving each other space and avoid rushing things early on.
Master the Art of Dating with Expert Insights
1
Go on a Date
2
Mytour’s Complete Dating Handbook
3
Evaluate Your Attraction Toward Someone
4
Recognize if You Truly Like Someone
5
Take the Relationship Readiness Quiz
6
Learn More About the Person You're Seeing
-
Do you often find yourself attracted to the wrong kind of people? If so, try to understand the underlying reasons before entering a new relationship.
-
Attraction isn’t always based on physical appearance. You can be drawn to someone for many different qualities, no matter how they look.
Important Notes
- Don’t force yourself to develop feelings for someone if it just isn’t happening.
- Pay attention to red flags like dishonesty, verbal abuse, or harmful behaviors, even if you're highly attracted to the person.
