How to Develop Communication Skills

Throughout life, you will encounter numerous situations that require interaction. Whether you're answering a job interview, establishing a new relationship, or communicating with team members, communication skills are always crucial. You may have noticed that much of your success depends on these skills, and that some methods of interaction are more effective than others. To enhance your communication skills, practice non-verbal communication, interaction techniques, and personal image management.

Understand the elements of non-verbal communication. These include facial expressions, touch, and tone of voice (not the words you say, but the pitch and modulation). Visual cues play a more significant role in interpretation and conveyance than auditory signals. People are generally more successful at reading facial expressions than interpreting body language. For instance, to appear happy, expressing it through facial expressions like smiling is easier than speeding up your speech or gesturing. Sometimes, it's beneficial to conceal emotions you don't wish to reveal, such as fear.

Understand the importance of non-verbal communication. It is estimated that non-verbal communication conveys 60% of the meaning in interpersonal interactions. To succeed in non-verbal communication, you need to express emotions in a way that others can understand and interpret correctly.

• Start by thinking about the non-verbal signals both parties emit during communication. Also, consider the non-verbal messages you perceive from others.

Learn about body language. In Western cultures, if you want to show enthusiasm toward someone, focus on these gestures: lean forward, face the person directly, and use hand movements. Vary your tone, pace, and volume while speaking. Actively listen by nodding, smiling, and avoiding interruptions. Stay relaxed but not overly casual.

• In other words, avoid slouching but don’t tense up. If you find yourself overanalyzing body language, shift your focus to what the other person is saying.

Be aware of cultural norms. While enthusiastic body language may be effective in some cultures, it might not work in others. Effective communication skills come from understanding the rules of emotional expression. For example, in Finland, eye contact is seen as a sign of approachability, whereas in Japanese culture, it can be interpreted as a sign of anger.

• A global perspective shows that many non-verbal communication rules are instinctive within your own culture. When communicating in a different culture, observe others to understand the meaning of their non-verbal behaviors.

Understand how gender differences influence non-verbal communication. Awareness of gender differences can help you convey and interpret non-verbal messages more effectively. Men and women often exhibit different non-verbal behaviors. Generally, women tend to use more eye contact and smiles than men. Women also give and receive more physical touch.

• Women are also more likely to interrupt, listen more attentively, and accurately interpret facial expressions compared to men.

Regulate emotional signals. This is crucial for successful communication. When overwhelmed by emotions, take a deep breath and regain your composure. Notice any signs of stress you’re displaying and relax: unclench your fists, stop grinding your teeth, and loosen other tense muscles.

• A study in the Fortune 500 rankings found that individuals who can appropriately regulate their emotions (e.g., avoiding crying when criticized) are more likely to gain others’ trust.

Set clear goals. Are you achieving the desired outcomes when interacting with others? Reflect on your recent conversations. Did you get what you wanted from the discussion (e.g., were you persuasive)? Did the other person truly understand you? If not, consider strategies to achieve better results. Here are some effective approaches:

• Be persuasive: Focus on the other person’s reasoning. For example, if you want your roommate to take out the trash, explain that household chores should be shared equally, and since you did it last time, it’s now their turn.
• Use enthusiastic body language: If you receive a cold response to a request, try warming up the interaction by leaning forward, maintaining eye contact, and practicing active listening.
• Listen actively: Avoid dominating the conversation. Instead, observe reactions and listen to the other person. Use pauses and signals like “go on,” “uh-huh,” or “really?” to show you’re engaged.
• Strategically assert yourself: Use “I” statements, such as “I feel...” Avoid overusing them or resorting to “you” statements like “You’re making me angry.”

Communicate effectively. Use simple, direct language to convey your needs instead of complex or indirect phrasing. If possible, outline and practice what you want to say, delivering it at a comfortable pace. Effective communication not only helps others understand you but also allows you to express more ideas in less time.

• For example, if you want to ask your boss for more responsibilities, instead of saying, “Hey, if you think this is a good idea, I’d like the chance to take on more tasks,” say, “I’d appreciate the opportunity to take on additional responsibilities if you think it’s appropriate.”

Give the other person a chance to speak. Everyone wants to contribute equally to a conversation. Allowing the other person to speak means being comfortable with brief silences, but not letting them drag on. Focusing on your conversation partner makes you appear more persuasive.

• For instance, pay attention to how much you talk during a conversation. Are you dominating the discussion? Summarize your points and pause to signal it’s their turn to speak.

Understand what makes communication effective. Generally, five principles define effective communication: informativeness, relevance, honesty, politeness, and humility. When people listen to you, they expect your words to:

• provide information they don’t already know
• be relevant and engaging for everyone involved
• be honest (unless using sarcasm or irony)
• follow politeness norms, such as using “please” or “thank you”
• avoid boasting or making yourself the center of attention

Find common ground. This can help you and your conversation partner achieve your goals. Identify shared traits and build mutual understanding. For example, even if you disagree on a restaurant choice, both of you agree that you’re hungry, so focus on that shared feeling to reach a decision.

• If the other person struggles to understand or hesitates to acknowledge common ground, pause the conversation and revisit it later. For instance, you could say, “We’re both hungry, so why don’t I pick the restaurant this time, and you can choose next time?”

Avoid guessing or making assumptions. It’s best to be direct and clear when communicating with others. Guessing or assuming can lead to misunderstandings and strain relationships. For example, imagine you’re speaking to an older person, and they ask you to repeat what you just said. Don’t assume they’re hard of hearing due to age and simply repeat yourself louder.

• If the context is unclear, try to gauge the other person’s needs before continuing. You might say, “Sorry, was I speaking too softly?”

Don’t force the conversation. No one wants to feel like they have no choice. If you feel like you’re using “force” in the conversation or trying to coerce the other person into doing what you want, reconsider your approach. Aim to achieve your goals through persuasion and direct communication. This approach helps maintain long-term relationships and leads to greater overall success.

• For example, imagine you want to go on a long road trip with a friend, but they have to take their pet to the vet on the day of departure. Instead of making them feel guilty for missing the trip, express your regret and offer to help. Show empathy for their situation.