How to Develop Courage

Courage is considered one of the most important virtues in human nature. In fact, during the Middle Ages, it was regarded as one of the four core virtues, and modern psychologists agree with this concept. Learning to be brave, even in situations as simple as asking someone you've admired for a while out on a date, is not about eliminating fear. Instead, it's about learning how to take action despite your fears.

Recognize your fear. Becoming courageous is about doing something in spite of fear. Fear is the body's natural response to the brain's fight-or-flight signal. The brain produces cortisol, a hormone that triggers stress within the body's nervous system, leading to a state of heightened alertness. Fear is a learned behavior influenced by the chemical reactions in the brain, but it is also reinforced by the world around us teaching us to fear. Learning how to cope with and overcome fear is a process of retraining your mind.

• Avoiding fear can make it grow stronger and more terrifying. Western culture often views emotions as weaknesses and attempts to suppress them. However, suppressing negative emotions only amplifies fear when faced with it, thus reinforcing its power.
• Confronting your fear (while ensuring your safety and well-being) will desensitize your brain to fear and help you handle it more easily.

Avoid hesitation. The longer you allow your brain to come up with excuses for your fear, the more you will suffer the panic of imagined consequences. Whether you're about to catch a spider, jump out of an airplane, or ask someone out, don't hesitate—act decisively.

• Reinforce your success by rewarding yourself when you face your fears. Rewards can be material, like a nice bottle of wine, or mental, like taking a break from social interactions and watching a Netflix show.

Learn mindfulness. Mindfulness is when you are fully present in the moment. It helps rewire your brain to deal with fear more effectively. You need to allow yourself time to learn this skill because it requires practice.

• Meditation is one way to improve mindfulness. Find a quiet place and sit comfortably. You can meditate on a bus, a plane, or any crowded space, but it's best to start in a calm, distraction-free environment. Close your eyes and focus on your breath (thinking "in" when you inhale and "out" when you exhale can help you focus). Do this for about 20 minutes. Try to stay present in the moment and observe your feelings. If your mind wanders, refocus on your breath.
• If you find yourself overwhelmed by fear, use the techniques you learned through meditation and mindfulness. Focus on your breathing and take deep breaths. Allow yourself to feel the negative emotions but acknowledge them as just thoughts you’re experiencing (e.g., instead of thinking, "I am so scared," think, "I am having the thought that I am scared"). This subtle shift will prevent you from being controlled by your thoughts.
• Imagine that your mind is like the sky, and your feelings are like clouds—both positive and negative. Just as clouds drift through the sky, recognize that your feelings are part of you but don't control your life.

Step out of your comfort zone. Leaving your comfort zone may make you anxious, but it's a great way to learn to be brave. Doing something unfamiliar helps you deal with the element of surprise, which is often the source of your fear. Learning to handle fear in chosen situations prepares you to demonstrate courage in unexpected moments.

• Start with small steps. Begin with actions that scare you less and don't require as much courage. For example, you might send a friend request to someone you like or chat casually with a cashier before asking someone out.
• Know your limits. There are certain things we simply can't do. Perhaps you'll never be able to catch that spider, publicly reveal your sexual orientation to a boss who dislikes LGBTQ+ issues, or skydive. That's okay. Some fears can be overcome, but sometimes, it's perfectly fine to let go of trying to be brave in certain situations. Focus your courage on other tasks, such as placing a cup over the spider so someone else can deal with it, or coming out to your parents instead of to your homophobic boss.

Building Self-Confidence. Confidence allows you to trust in your abilities and believe in yourself, helping you realize that you're stronger than your fears. When you trust yourself, taking bold actions becomes much easier. Learning how to be confident requires practice, and there are several methods to cultivate it:

• Fake it till you make it. You can trick your brain into feeling confident by pretending that you are. Tell yourself that you can ask someone you like out, and no matter their answer, you won't be overly concerned. You can also improve your posture to feel more confident and powerful—try opening your arms or placing your hands behind your head, puffing your chest forward.
• Don't let failures or limitations affect you. Failure simply means you're trying; it's part of the learning process, not something to avoid. Remind yourself that failure does not define you unless you allow it to.
• Believe in yourself. Courage requires self-belief. Tell yourself you have much to offer the world. Remember that arrogance and confidence are two completely different things.

Building Courage for Specific Scenarios. Different types of courage are needed for various situations—inviting someone you like out, negotiating a raise with your boss, or confronting a bully. One common factor in all these situations is the need to express confidence, no matter how you truly feel inside. Confidence and courage can be shown through actions that appear fearless, even when (and especially when) you're actually feeling scared.

Expressing Courage When Asking Someone Out. When inviting someone out, the best approach is to be direct, even if it makes you nervous. Practice what you want to say beforehand. If possible, speak with them privately. Focus on the wonderful feeling you'll get if they say yes—doesn't that make taking the risk worth it?

• Remember, if they decline, it doesn't reflect who you are or what you want. Respect their decision and be proud that you were courageous!

Showing Courage When Talking to Your Boss. It can be intimidating to talk to your boss, especially about a work-related issue or money matters. However, if you treat it more like a regular conversation than a confrontation, things might go more smoothly than expected.

• Request a private conversation and prepare in advance for what you want to say. It's normal to feel nervous—don't try to fight it. Just remember to breathe normally and speak with confidence.
• If the conversation doesn't go as planned, step back and reassess the situation. If you feel you're right, consider seeking additional support.
• Sometimes, the best course of action is to change jobs. Many people are too stubborn, and not wanting to fight doesn't mean you're lacking courage.

Show Courage When Confronting a Bully. When facing a bully, it's important to act as if you feel brave and confident. You will trick both yourself and the bully into thinking you're unafraid. Bullies often react to your emotional responses, so don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you react. Appear confident in yourself—even if you don’t genuinely feel that way.

• If the bully attacks you as a result of the confrontation, seek help from a teacher or a parent. Recognizing when you need assistance is also an act of courage. It shows that you are being honest with yourself about the situation at hand.

Identify Your Fears. What scares you? Before you can conquer your fear and act with bravery, you must first understand what is causing it. People tend to be frightened by various things, including:

• Heights
• Snakes and/or spiders
• Crowds
• Public speaking
• Water
• Storms
• Confined spaces

Confront Your Fear. Once you've identified your fears, don't try to hide them or avoid them. Don’t convince yourself that you’re not afraid—it's essential to make an effort to face your fears head-on. Instead, accept that fear is present and work towards overcoming it in a more effective way.

• You can confront your fear by writing about it or vocalizing it.
• Rate the intensity of your fear on a scale from 0 (not afraid) to 100 (extremely afraid) to help assess your feelings towards it.

Practice Gradual Desensitization. In this technique, you allow yourself to slowly approach or interact with whatever you're afraid of, gradually increasing the exposure over time.

• For example, if you're afraid of leaving the house, you could start by simply putting on shoes as if you were about to go out, but without actually stepping outside.
• Next, you could open the door and take two steps outside, then four, then eight, eventually walking around your neighborhood and returning home.

Apply the direct confrontation method. This approach, also known as the 'flooding' technique, involves forcing yourself to face the fear-inducing situation and fully immersing yourself in the anxiety. Feel the fear spread throughout your body; observe it, but make every effort not to let it overpower you. You can even imagine you're watching yourself from a third-person perspective by saying something like, 'That person looks terrified.'

• If you are afraid to leave your house, start by walking around your neighborhood on your first attempt. Then, try to reshape your thoughts to realize that leaving the house is not as dreadful as it may seem.
• Keep repeating this process until you can step outside without feeling any fear.
• The goal here is to show yourself that you don't need to be afraid of what you’ve always feared, making it the best treatment for irrational fears.

Try using the imagination method. When you're scared of something, try to stop focusing on it by shifting your attention to more positive thoughts. Put in your best effort to visualize something that makes you happy, such as thinking about your pet dog or a loved one. Use this positive feeling to overpower your fear.

• Visualize what makes you feel good. Make an effort to imagine it with all your senses to make it feel more real.
• For example, if you're thinking about your dog, picture its smell, the sensation of petting it, its appearance, and the sounds it makes.

Talk to someone. Discussing your fears with others, whether with a licensed therapist, a trusted family member, or a friend, can help you understand the root of your fears. This can assist you in overcoming your fear and acting with greater courage.

• There are several websites you can use if you prefer to speak anonymously.
• It might be time to reach out to someone if you notice that your fear is interfering with your life in ways you want to change.

• Becoming courageous requires practice. The more you confront your fears and deal with your negative emotions, the easier the process will become.
• Use your courage to stand up for those who cannot protect themselves. This approach will not only help you face your fears but will also benefit your community greatly.
• Imagine that you can achieve this until it becomes a reality.

• When dealing with a bully, remember to proceed with caution. There is no one-size-fits-all solution for handling a bully, and sometimes, the best course of action is simply not confronting them.
• While the advice in this article may help those experiencing anxiety, you SHOULD NOT rely on it as a substitute for professional medical or therapeutic advice, or medication.