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It's easy to become impatient in daily life: maybe your train got delayed, or you're eager to get home and catch your favorite show. But there's one place where impatience doesn't belong: in a relationship. When addressing problems with your partner, expecting immediate solutions and quick fixes isn't the right approach. The benefits of patience, however, make it worthwhile. By practicing patience and understanding with each other regularly, you can build a happy and healthy relationship together.
Steps
Exercising Patience with Your Partner
Be mindful of your partner’s emotions. Showing patience and kindness to your partner helps them feel cherished and valued. On the other hand, impatience and intolerance may make your partner feel rejected. Your responses and actions directly influence how your partner feels, so it’s important to reflect on this when you feel frustrated or impatient. Always remember that you care deeply for your partner and don’t want to hurt them.
- For instance, if your partner forgets to buy milk, saying, “No worries, we can get it later,” shows you understand it was a simple oversight. But saying something like, “I can’t believe you did this again. You always forget everything,” suggests that your partner’s flaws are intolerable. Keep in mind that minor mistakes like this are not a big deal.
Pause before reacting. It’s common to quickly respond with impatience; many individuals often assume that mistakes or disruptions are caused by others’ lack of competence or care. However, this negative view of those around you can lead to saying things that are hurtful without realizing it. A useful strategy to break this pattern is to introduce a pause, which will encourage you to think before you speak.
- For instance, you could set a personal rule to take three deep breaths before responding to a frustrating situation. This gives you time to evaluate the situation and respond thoughtfully. You’ll likely discover that what you initially thought was a major mistake isn’t as significant as you thought, and you can adjust your reaction from frustration to understanding.
- If the situation is more serious, stepping away from the situation or taking a walk can give you space to cool off and think through your reaction.
PROFESSIONAL ADVICE
Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Licensed Social Worker
Engage in simple practices to build your patience. Klare Heston, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, recommends: “Try counting to 10 or 15 before engaging in specific actions, like before starting your car. The more you practice patience in various areas of your life, the easier it becomes to apply that patience to your relationships, where it’s especially crucial.”
Set achievable expectations. Patience develops through understanding, and one of the key things to grasp about your partner is that they aren’t perfect—no one is! If you place unrealistic demands on your partner or insist that things must unfold a specific way, disappointment is inevitable. This disappointment will breed impatience and frustration in the relationship. Avoid this by simply setting reasonable expectations for your partner.
- For instance, expecting your partner to be home at exactly 5:30 every day despite a 25-minute commute and a 5:00 PM finish time is unrealistic. There's barely any time left for factors like walking to the car or unexpected traffic changes, setting them up for failure. Instead, a more reasonable expectation would be that your partner informs you if they're delayed or running late.
- Another example: assuming your partner should always want to watch the same shows you enjoy. Instead, consider allowing each person to choose at different times. Compromise and understanding are the pillars of any successful relationship.
View your partner as a complete person. Keep in mind that no relationship is ever flawless. Tension between you and your partner is inevitable from time to time, and that’s okay. During such moments, rather than letting this tension define your relationship, always remember the qualities you love about your partner. When you view your partner holistically, it becomes easier to exercise patience during stressful times.
- For example, if your partner does something irritating like tapping their foot, don't let this small habit overshadow all the great traits you admire in them.
- Similarly, if you find certain expressions your partner uses repetitive, remember that you're likely around them more than anyone else, which makes you more familiar with their words. These quirks are part of the person you fell in love with and aren't such a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
Being Patient with Yourself
Be patient with the process. Developing patience requires—surprise—patience. If you tend to get frustrated quickly, this won’t change overnight, and being too hard on yourself will only increase your frustration. Instead, acknowledge that you're working on being more patient, and forgive yourself for any setbacks along the way. If you’re genuinely trying, you deserve some leniency, especially from yourself.
- For instance, if you're feeling frustrated while stuck in traffic, acknowledge your frustration, try to calm down, take some deep breaths, and then let it go. There’s no need to get frustrated about your frustration!
Establish goals. Setting clear goals allows you to measure your progress. Each milestone you achieve will motivate you to strive for the next one. Celebrate your successes when you reach a goal, and use that momentum to propel you toward the next. Some examples of patience-related goals might include:
- Waiting calmly in line.
- Maintaining a positive attitude with colleagues.
- Letting go of minor annoyances your partner may cause.
Remind yourself that patience brings rewards. Because it truly does! Practicing patience offers numerous benefits. First, it helps foster more loving and respectful relationships, and it allows you to feel more calm and at peace overall. Whenever frustration arises, remember that responding with patience leads to a more fulfilling life. You’re in it for the long run, so don’t let small setbacks distract you along the way.
Engage in positive self-talk. Pay attention to the internal conversations you have with yourself throughout the day. This internal dialogue is known as ‘self-talk.’ Your self-talk has the power to either undermine your confidence or uplift it. When working on being patient, focus on your progress in a constructive way. It’s easy to get frustrated when you're angry, but maintaining a positive mindset helps you calm down and handle things more rationally.
- For example, instead of thinking, “I just don’t have the patience for this,” try reframing it in a more encouraging light by saying, “This will take patience, but I can manage it if I stay calm and take my time.”
Daily Patience Practices
Recognize your stress triggers. Understanding your stress levels and the factors that trigger them is essential. Consider keeping a journal to track your main stressors and how they affect you. By identifying your triggers, you can better manage your stress. Once you’re able to control your stress, it becomes easier to develop patience.
- Traffic
- Long waits
- Constant phone calls
- Deadlines
Stay optimistic. Every situation can be seen from a positive or negative perspective. The level of patience you exhibit in any scenario depends on how you choose to view it. If you focus on the positive side of things, you’ll find yourself being more patient.
- For instance, if you consider time spent in traffic as a waste, you’ll likely feel frustrated and impatient. However, try shifting your mindset. While it may have taken longer than expected, being stuck in traffic could have been a great time to bond with your partner. With this slight change in perspective, the experience becomes more positive, and both of you will exhibit more patience.
Prepare for challenging moments. Being unprepared can cause unnecessary stress in any situation. However, if you take time to mentally prepare for tough circumstances, you’ll find that patience comes more naturally. One way to do this is to visualize how you would handle the situation before it even arises. Take a moment to close your eyes, picture how things might unfold, and then plan your response. Breathe deeply and remind yourself that you’re capable.
- For instance, if you get frustrated when your partner sleeps in on weekends, imagine yourself enjoying your morning. Visualize greeting them warmly when they wake up, possibly offering them pancakes or a bowl of fresh fruit as a kind gesture.
Take care of your physical health. Engaging in regular exercise and maintaining a balanced diet contribute significantly to your overall health. By doing so, you'll feel more energized, boost your self-esteem, and help balance your hormones and neurotransmitters (the brain’s communication system). These factors combined can reduce stress, making it easier to practice patience in your daily interactions.
Look after your mental well-being. Physical health alone isn’t enough to maintain balance and happiness. Good mental hygiene is equally essential in developing patience, both with yourself and others. Activities like yoga, meditation, deep breathing exercises, and participation in support groups can be invaluable tools for releasing accumulated stress and staying calm when faced with challenges.
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Maintain open communication with your partner. Withholding communication or giving the silent treatment can create distance in your relationship, further fueling impatience. Clear and honest communication allows both of you to share your feelings, even when it’s difficult, helping to resolve misunderstandings.
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Track the things that trigger your impatience. Keeping a journal of these moments can highlight patterns, offering insight into how you can approach them calmly. It also helps you develop coping strategies for your recurring stressors.
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Show respect for your partner’s emotions. Avoid blaming them for minor mistakes or oversights, as this only creates more tension.
