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We often assess ourselves during our youth. Constant criticism from family, friends, and society can make it hard for us to express our true feelings. This sense of inadequacy is often a sign of a lack of self-confidence, and it may even prevent us from making small decisions. Learning to value oneself can boost self-confidence and is the first step toward finding happiness and creating a better life. Keep reading the article below!
Steps
Define Self-Assessment
Understanding Self-Assessment. Self-assessment refers to how we perceive ourselves, an essential aspect for maintaining an optimistic outlook. Valuing oneself or being self-confident means appreciating, accepting, and being content with who we are. People who often feel inadequate tend to view themselves as inferior and are rarely satisfied with themselves.
- The Centre for Clinical Interventions describes individuals who feel inadequate as "people who have negative thoughts about themselves and their identity. These thoughts are often grounded in reality or beliefs about their self-concept."
- Without intervention, chronic feelings of inadequacy may lead to serious lifelong issues, such as becoming a victim of abusive relationships, self-doubt, and the fear of failure before even setting goals.
Assessing Self-Esteem. Identifying yourself as someone with low self-esteem is the first step towards improvement and overcoming mental obstacles. You may struggle with self-esteem if you have negative thoughts about yourself. These thoughts could be about specific aspects, such as weight or appearance, or they could cover multiple areas of life like work or relationships.
- If your inner voice or self-thoughts are typically critical, you are likely dealing with low self-esteem.
- If your inner voice is positive and encouraging, you possess high self-confidence.
Listening to Your Inner Voice. Identify whether your self-thoughts are positive or negative. If you're struggling to assess or find a pattern, try journaling your thoughts for a few days or weeks. Later, review your notes to detect any recurring themes or tendencies.
- People with low self-esteem often have inner voices that tend to be: critical, generalized, comparative, catastrophic, or mind-reading. Each of these traits reflects a negative assumption about how others perceive you.
- Silencing these negative inner voices is the first step toward building self-confidence. The next step is to replace them with positive thoughts.
- For example, your inner voice may say, "I didn’t get the job I applied for. I’ll never find a job because I’m useless." Instead, try saying, "I’m disappointed I didn’t get that job, but I put in the effort, and the right opportunity is still out there. I just need to keep looking."
Understanding the Roots of Your Insecurity. No one is born insecure—it often develops through negative feedback and life events as we grow. Understanding the origins of your insecurity can help you overcome it.
- If you find patterns in your inner thoughts, try to trace the first instance when these feelings emerged, if possible.
- For example, if you're negative about your weight or appearance, try to recall the first time you felt uncomfortable with your body. Was it triggered by a comment from someone?
Setting Goals to Improve Self-Assessment. The key to improving self-assessment is transforming your critical, negative inner voice into a more positive and encouraging one. You need to change how you view yourself. Setting initial goals to be more optimistic about yourself will bring you closer to boosting your self-confidence.
- For instance, a goal might be: "I will be more optimistic and treat myself as a friend rather than an enemy."
Enhancing Self-Care
List your positive qualities. Focus on the attributes you appreciate about yourself as a reminder that you are valuable, rather than dwelling on negative thoughts. Be proud of your achievements, and avoid evaluating them harshly.
- People who value themselves can accept that they make positive contributions, even if they are not perfect.
- Place this list somewhere you can see it daily, like on your bathroom mirror. You can add more traits as your inner voice becomes more positive.
Write a positive journal. Document your accomplishments and compliments from others. While it’s impossible to eliminate all negative thoughts, dedicating more time to focusing on the positive can significantly improve your overall self-worth.
- Journaling is a helpful tool to track your inner dialogue and enhance your self-esteem.
- Make an effort to write down positive events, in contrast to your usual negative thoughts. For example, if you tend to criticize yourself for not being able to express your thoughts, remember to jot down moments when you did manage to voice your opinions.
Use your journal to set goals. You can set goals for self-improvement without expecting perfection in every area of your life. Goals should be clear and specific but also allow room for imperfection.
- For instance, instead of saying "I always oppose those who promote discrimination and hatred," you might set the goal: "I strive to remain calm when dealing with people who promote discrimination and hatred."
- Rather than saying, "I will never eat sugar again and lose 10kg," set a goal like: "I will work towards adopting a healthier lifestyle, choosing nutritious foods and exercising regularly."
Forgive yourself for not being perfect. Remember that just like everyone else, you are human, and you don’t need to be perfect to be appreciated. By accepting yourself and trying to improve certain aspects, you can start valuing yourself more.
- Create a personal mantra, such as, "It's okay, I'm amazing just the way I am."
- For example, if you lose control and yell at your child in the park, remind yourself, "I'm not perfect, but I will try to manage my emotions better. I'll apologize to my child for yelling and explain why I was frustrated. It's okay, I’m still a great mom."
Seek professional counseling. If you feel unable to improve your self-esteem on your own or are deeply frustrated about the root causes of your low self-worth, you may want to seek a professional who can help you identify and address the source of your feelings.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an effective treatment that helps resolve negative self-thoughts and teaches you how to cope with emotions in a healthy way.
- For more complex issues, psychodynamic therapy is a better option to get to the root of the problem.
Engage in charitable work. Many people begin to feel more optimistic about themselves when they contribute to society. Volunteering for charity organizations helps both volunteers and those in need: a mutually beneficial arrangement!
- Find an organization that sparks your interest.
- Volunteer with friends to not only benefit the organization (more hands make lighter work) but also gain valuable experiences together.
Develop a More Positive Lifestyle
Take time to care for yourself. While this may seem difficult, dedicating time to activities that bring relaxation and joy can improve your self-esteem and increase productivity.
- Find hobbies that help you feel at ease both physically and mentally. Many people choose yoga, cycling, or running to remain calm and optimistic.
Surround yourself with optimistic individuals. If negative influences in your life cause you to feel bad about yourself, try to minimize or eliminate your time with them. Spend time with those who bring positivity, fostering an encouraging self-view.
- Having loved ones understand your journey to build self-esteem can inspire them to support you.
- You may want to tell friends or family, 'I am working on improving my self-esteem. Could you help me by reminding me when I speak negatively about myself, so I can become more aware of it?'
Follow a healthy diet. Choose nutrient-dense foods, with low sugar and fat, to boost energy, prevent low blood sugar, and improve overall health.
- Avoid poorly balanced meals and processed foods.
- Stay away from items like candy bars, soda, pastries, donuts, and cakes as they lead to energy slumps, headaches, and illness, offering little nutrition but plenty of empty calories.
- Eat plenty of fruits, vegetables, lean meats, and beans. Think of them as fuel for the day and abundant sources of nourishment for your body, keeping you energized for work, family life, and health, all while preventing illness and increasing longevity so you can spend more time with loved ones.
Exercise more. You don't necessarily need to go to the gym; simply taking regular walks is a great way to move more and improve your health. A little bit of exercise can boost your energy, make you feel more at ease, and strengthen your immune system.
- Many people find walking outdoors a relaxing and restorative activity, especially if they spend most of their time working indoors.
- Just walking for 10 minutes one or two times a day can bring significant health benefits.
Make time for personal hygiene and appearance. When you take time to focus on your appearance by choosing clothes that boost your confidence, organizing them well, and establishing a daily personal hygiene routine, you'll feel more comfortable and self-assured.
Let go of perfection.
Acknowledge unattainable standards. Take, for example, the art of Picasso— to a lover, their partner always appears perfectly complete. Perfection is a subjective claim and a self-imposed standard. You can set higher standards for yourself, but they need to be realistic because life doesn’t always align with our expectations. When you fall short of your ideal self-image, it's easy to feel disappointed.
- This isn't necessarily a bad thing because it's a source of motivation to improve, find better and more effective ways of doing things, and become the best version of yourself.
Forgive yourself. You can learn to curb ineffective tendencies by forgiving yourself when things don’t go as planned. Support yourself more by taking pride in your accomplishments and your inner strength to fully embrace the person you are today.
Advice
- Be around people who care about your feelings! Those who don't care can't help boost your confidence.
- Don't focus on impressing others. Instead, be yourself, and others will appreciate you and your comfort in your own skin.
- Become assertive. Building self-esteem is about getting what you need or want. Do what benefits you. Remember, you must take care of yourself before helping others.
- You are who you are, and no one can change that. Be yourself, don't imitate others.
- The most important thing is to trust yourself. If you believe, you can achieve it.
- Inner strength can help you reach your life goals. If you stumble, get up and keep trying.
- Look at yourself in the mirror daily. Try to find things you admire about yourself: appearance, achievements, or accomplishments.
- Ignore cruel comments from others. Listen to yourself and appear confident, no one can judge you if you're being true to yourself.
- Those who often speak negatively about others are not good people; if they were characters in a novel, they would just waste ink.
- Practice yoga or meditation if you think it helps.
Warning
- Constant feelings of inadequacy may be a sign of depression. You should consult a doctor if you suspect this about yourself.
