Buzz
Relationship experts share strategies to present your best self and engage with others for enduring attraction
If you believe you’re not among the fortunate who effortlessly attract others, reconsider—attraction may be subjective, but you have more control over how others see you than you think. We’ve gathered advice from dating professionals to help you showcase your personality and connect with others in ways that deepen their attraction to you over time. Let’s explore!
What are the most effective ways to draw people to you?
- Exude confidence and stay aligned with your principles, but remember to enjoy yourself and let your distinctive humor shine!
- Practice active listening and maintain warm eye contact to make the other person feel valued. Use relaxed and open body language to appear approachable.
- As your connection deepens, share more about yourself and engage consistently to nurture their growing attraction to you.
Steps
Developing the Ideal Personality
Embrace enjoyment. Individuals are often drawn to those who bring joy and excitement. If you're aiming to attract someone, focus on relaxing and enjoying your time together.
- Don’t shy away from being playful around the person you’re interested in. Feel free to share lighthearted jokes, like during a movie night.
- Be willing to explore new experiences. If they suggest going out for dinner, join in and make the most of the moment.
Build self-assurance. Confidence is a key trait that draws people in. When you’re with someone you want to attract, project self-assurance. Express your thoughts and personality boldly, without hesitation.
- If confidence is a challenge, take steps to improve it. Consider activities like regular exercise to boost your self-esteem. For deeper issues, seeking guidance from a therapist can be beneficial.
Cultivate humor. A good sense of humor is highly attractive. When you’re around someone you want to impress, aim to make them laugh. Share jokes, witty observations, or amusing stories from your life.
- If humor doesn’t come naturally, practice by engaging with comedic content. Watch stand-up comedy, listen to funny podcasts, or read humorous books to develop your comedic timing.
Maintain independence. While it’s tempting to rely on someone you’re attracted to, independence is more appealing. Focus on your own interests, career, and passions rather than solely seeking their attention. People are drawn to those with a strong sense of self and purpose.
- In conversations, don’t hesitate to share your own experiences and interests when asked.
- At social gatherings, avoid spending all your time with the person you’re trying to attract. Engage with others and showcase your self-sufficiency, which enhances your appeal.
Establish your own values. Reflect on your core principles and convictions. Individuals are drawn to those with a strong ethical foundation, even if it differs from their own. Standing firm in your beliefs can make you more appealing to others.
- When discussing topics with someone you’re trying to attract, it’s fine to express differing opinions. This can actually enhance your appeal, as long as you remain respectful. For instance, you might say, "That’s an interesting perspective, but I tend to view it differently."
Engaging with the Person
Be a good listener. People are naturally drawn to those who show genuine interest in them. Demonstrate your attentiveness by actively listening. Let the other person share their thoughts and ideas, and use non-verbal cues like nodding and maintaining eye contact to show you’re engaged.
- Ask thoughtful follow-up questions to deepen the conversation. For example, "You mentioned growing up in New York City—what was that experience like for you?"
Make them feel valued. People are more likely to feel attracted to you if you make them feel special. Use subtle flirtatious gestures, such as smiling warmly, maintaining eye contact, and light physical touch, like gently brushing their arm during a conversation.
Use eye contact effectively. Eye contact is a powerful way to communicate interest and attraction. Sustaining their gaze during a conversation can increase their attraction to you.
- If you’re interested in someone, increase your eye contact slightly. Aim to maintain eye contact for about 75% of the interaction.
- Remember to break eye contact occasionally to avoid coming across as overly intense. Glance away every 30 to 40 seconds to keep the interaction natural.
Master your body language. Non-verbal cues can express attraction and interest, encouraging the other person to feel the same way. When you’re around someone you’re attracted to, maintain open and inviting body language.
- Pay attention to your torso. Keep your chest and stomach area unobstructed. Avoid crossing your arms or holding objects tightly against your chest.
- Ensure your hands are visible. Concealing your hands can create distrust, so keep them in plain sight during interactions.
Enhance your appearance. Physical appeal plays a role in attraction. Make an effort to groom yourself daily, style your hair, and wear clothes that suit you. If you use makeup, apply it subtly to catch their attention.
- Consider incorporating a fitness routine to build muscle and improve your overall physique, which can boost your attractiveness.
EXPERT TIP
Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Dating Coach
Opt for a more relaxed look on a first date. According to love and relationship coach Lisa Shield: "Wearing overly expensive items like designer shoes or handbags on a first date might give the impression that you’re high maintenance. For a positive first impression, it’s often better to keep your outfit simple and approachable."
Sustaining Attraction
Be vulnerable. Emotional closeness fosters long-term attraction. As you get to know someone, engage in meaningful conversations. Share your aspirations, fears, and dreams to create a deeper connection and mutual attraction.
- Let emotional topics arise naturally in conversation. If something personal comes up, embrace it and discuss it openly.
- Sometimes, a strong and loving bond can form quickly when you’re willing to be open and honest.
Stay engaged. People are drawn to those who are consistently present in their lives. Avoid playing games like hard-to-get. Instead, make an effort to be actively involved in their world.
- Reply promptly to messages and calls, and prioritize spending time with them regularly.
Prioritize self-care. Attraction often stems from seeing someone who values themselves. To nurture someone’s attraction to you, focus on maintaining a healthy lifestyle and taking pride in your appearance. It’s not about conforming to a specific look but showing that you care for yourself. You don’t need to overhaul your life or appearance, but adopting habits like balanced eating, regular exercise, and good hygiene can make a significant difference.
Show genuine care. Making someone feel appreciated can strengthen their attraction to you. Focus on being attentive and thoughtful. Regularly check in on them, ask about their well-being, and show interest in their life.
- Small gestures can go a long way. For instance, if you know they’ve had a tough day, surprise them with a coffee or a treat at work.
Warnings
- Keep in mind that attraction cannot be forced. If someone isn’t interested in you, respect their feelings and move forward.
