How to Eliminate and Prevent Negative Thoughts

Negative thoughts are not exclusive to a few people or certain situations. Everyone, at some point, finds themselves troubled by negative thinking. In fact, negative thoughts are a natural phenomenon, with approximately 80% of our thoughts revolving around some form of negativity. Although there are numerous reasons why you might have negative thoughts, you can learn to identify and eliminate them.

Keep a thought journal. Having a journal with you is essential to record when and where negative thoughts arise, and how you react to them. Often, we become so accustomed to negative thoughts that they 'automatically' occur or become a natural reflex. Taking a moment to document your thoughts in a journal is the first step in identifying the path you need to take to transform these thoughts.

• Whenever a negative thought comes to mind, write down the content of that thought. Also, note what was happening when the thought appeared. What were you doing? Who were you with? Where were you? Was there something that triggered this thought?
• Pay attention to how you responded. What did you do, think, or say in response to that thought?
• Take some time to reflect. Ask yourself how much you believe in these thoughts about yourself, and what emotions you experienced when thinking them.

Note the moments when you have negative thoughts about yourself. Negative thoughts can be directed at others, but typically, they are reflections of how you feel about yourself. Negative self-beliefs may manifest as harsh self-judgments. These self-assessments may involve statements like 'I should do this better.' They can also take the form of negative labels, such as 'I'm a failure' or 'I'm worthless.' Generalizing negativity is another common pattern, such as 'I always mess everything up.' These thoughts suggest that you've internalized these negative beliefs and accepted them as truths.

• Journal when you experience such thoughts.
• When writing your thoughts, try to distance yourself from them. Write 'I thought I was a failure' instead of just repeating 'I am a failure.' This will help you realize that these thoughts are not absolute truths.

Identify problematic behaviors. Negative thoughts, especially those about yourself, often lead to negative behaviors. As you document your thoughts, pay attention to how you react to them. Common unhelpful behaviors include:

• Withdrawing from loved ones, friends, and social interactions
• Overcompensating for yourself (e.g., trying too hard to please others because you want them to accept you)
• Neglecting responsibilities (e.g., not studying for a test because you believe you're 'too dumb' and will fail anyway)
• Being passive instead of assertive (e.g., not expressing your true thoughts and feelings)

Review your journal entries. Look for patterns in your negative thoughts to reveal your core beliefs. For instance, if you frequently think things like 'I should have done better on the test' or 'Everyone thinks I'm a loser,' you may have created a deep-seated negative belief about your abilities, such as 'I'm stupid.' You're allowing yourself to think in rigid, unreasonable ways about yourself.

• Core negative beliefs can be deeply harmful. Since they are ingrained within you, understanding these beliefs is crucial, rather than just focusing on changing the negative thoughts. Only attempting to change the negative thoughts is like applying a band-aid to a gunshot wound: it doesn't address the root of the issue.
• For example, if you have a core negative belief that you are 'useless,' you will likely experience other negative thoughts related to this belief, such as 'I'm pathetic,' 'I don't deserve love from others,' or 'I need to become a better person.'
• You will also see negative behaviors related to this belief, like trying too hard to please a friend because deep down, you believe you don't deserve their friendship. You need to challenge this belief to change your thoughts and actions.

Ask yourself difficult questions. Once you've tracked your thoughts in a journal, take some time to ask yourself whether you can identify any rules, assumptions, or unhelpful patterns in your thinking. Ask yourself questions like:

• What standards do I hold for myself? What do I consider acceptable or unacceptable?
• Are my standards for myself different from the ones I have for others? How so?
• What do I expect of myself in different situations? For example, what do I expect of myself when studying, working, socializing, or relaxing?
• When do I feel the most anxious and self-doubting?
• In which situations am I hardest on myself?
• When do I expect negative outcomes?
• What did my family teach me about the standards of what I should or shouldn’t do?
• Do I feel more anxious in certain situations than others?

Consider your thoughts and beliefs. Decide that you will take a more positive approach in managing your own thoughts. You can control what you think. This means you can make a conscious effort every day to intentionally cultivate thoughts or affirmations in your mind, as well as learn to be more mindful and live more in the present. Remember that you are unique, one of a kind, and you deserve love and respect—both from others and from yourself. The first step to eliminating negative thoughts is committing to this process.

• It will be helpful to choose one negative thought or 'rule' that you want to focus on changing, rather than trying to eliminate all negative thoughts in one night.
• For example, you might begin by choosing to challenge negative thoughts about whether you deserve love and friendship.

Remind yourself that thoughts are just thoughts. Your negative thoughts are not absolute truths. They are simply the result of core negative beliefs you have accepted throughout your life. Reminding yourself that these thoughts are not factual and do not define who you are will help you detach from unhelpful negative thinking.

• For instance, instead of saying 'I'm so stupid,' say 'I'm having a stupid thought.' Instead of saying 'I'm going to fail the test,' say 'I'm thinking that I'm going to fail the test.' This subtle shift is crucial for recalibrating your mindset and eliminating negative thoughts.

Identify the triggers of your negative thoughts. It can be difficult to pinpoint exactly why we think negatively, but there are several theories about it. According to many researchers, negative thinking is a byproduct of evolution, where we constantly scrutinize our environment to detect potential threats and identify things that need improvement or fixing. Sometimes negative thoughts arise from stress and anxiety when you imagine all the things that could go wrong, cause harm, lead to embarrassment, or provoke anxiety. Negative thinking may also be inherited from parents or family members during childhood. Furthermore, negative thinking is often associated with depression, with some believing that negative thoughts worsen depression and depression in turn fuels negative thinking in a cycle. Finally, negative thoughts can stem from past traumas or experiences that make you feel ashamed and doubtful.

• Think about the situations and circumstances related to why you feel bad about yourself. For many, the most prominent triggers include workplace meetings, classroom presentations, interpersonal issues at work or home, or significant life changes such as leaving home, changing jobs, or growing distant from a partner.
• Journaling will help you identify these triggering factors.

Be aware of the different types of negative thinking. For many of us, negative thoughts and beliefs can become so normalized that we believe they accurately reflect reality. Recognizing that many thought patterns are harmful will help you better understand your behavior. Below are some common types of negative thinking that many therapists refer to as 'distorted thinking':

• All-or-nothing thinking
• Mind reading
• Jumping to conclusions
• Turning positives into negatives
• Emotional reasoning
• Negative self-talk
• Overgeneralizing

Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an effective method for changing your thought patterns. To start shifting your negative thinking, you need to notice these thoughts when they arise. Catch those moments when you have negative thoughts and take a brief pause to examine what type of negative thought it is. You might even want to start journaling to track and understand the process of transforming your thoughts.

• Once you've identified the type of negative thought, begin testing its reality. Look for evidence that contradicts this thought. For example, if you believe, 'I always mess everything up,' try to recall three instances where you succeeded at something. You could also experiment with the thought to test it. For example, if you think, 'I'm going to faint if I speak in public,' try rehearsing a speech in front of others to prove to yourself that you won’t faint. You could also conduct a survey to check if others share your perspective.
• You might also try substituting some negative words in your thoughts. For example, instead of saying 'I shouldn’t have done that to my friend,' you could rephrase it as, 'Things might have turned out better if I hadn’t done that to my friend,' or 'I feel sad about doing that, and I will make sure not to do it again in the future.'
• Over time, CBT exercises can help you adjust your thinking to become more realistic, positive, and proactive rather than negative and self-sabotaging.

Fight the all-or-nothing thinking pattern. This kind of thinking occurs when you believe that life and everything you do must follow two extremes. Things are either completely good or completely bad, positive or negative, etc. You don't leave room for flexibility or alternative perspectives.

• For instance, if you don't get the promotion but are encouraged to try again next time, you might insist that you are a total failure and useless because you didn’t get the job. In your mind, everything must either be perfect or a total disaster, with no middle ground.
• To cope with this mindset, challenge yourself to evaluate situations on a scale from 0-10. Remember, things are rarely a perfect 0 or 10. For example, you might say, 'My performance during this promotion review was about 6 out of 10. That means I’m not suited for that specific position, but it doesn’t mean I’m unqualified for other roles.'

Deal with mental filtering. When you engage in mental filtering, you focus solely on the negative aspects of everything and ignore all the positive details. This habit often distorts how you view people and situations. You might even exaggerate the negativity.

• For example, if your boss points out a typing error in your report, you might focus entirely on this mistake and forget the compliments she gave you about the rest of the work.
• Try to see situations that seem negative, like receiving criticism, as an opportunity for growth rather than an attack. You might tell yourself, 'My boss really liked my work, and her pointing out the typo shows that she values my ability to correct errors. That’s a strength. I also know I need to be more careful when reviewing reports next time.'
• You could also try finding a positive aspect for every negative thing you notice. This exercise requires expanding your focus.
• Be aware of moments when you're downplaying positive events, such as saying 'I was just lucky' or 'That happened because my boss/teacher likes me.' This kind of thinking is inaccurate. When you work hard at something, acknowledge your own efforts.

Avoid jumping to conclusions. When you rush to conclusions, you often assume the worst without having any real evidence to back it up. You haven’t asked for more information or clarification from others, and you simply make assumptions and keep speculating.

• For example, 'My friend didn’t respond to the invitation I sent half an hour ago, so she must hate me.'
• Ask yourself what evidence you have for making this assumption. Challenge yourself to create a list of evidence supporting this claim, as if you were a detective. What do you *really* know about this situation? What else do you need to know to make a fair judgment?

Be aware of emotional reasoning. Emotional reasoning happens when you believe your feelings directly reflect an undeniable truth. You assume your thoughts are correct without questioning them.

• For example, 'Since I feel like a complete failure, I must be a complete failure.'
• Instead, ask yourself what other evidence there might be for this feeling. What do others think of you? What do your academic or work results show? Is there any other evidence you can find to support or challenge this feeling? Remember, thoughts are not inherent truths, even if they *feel* true.

Overcome excessive generalization. When you overgeneralize, you assume that one bad experience will automatically lead to many more in the future. You make assumptions based on limited evidence and use words like 'always' or 'never.'

• For example, if a first date doesn’t go as hoped, you might think, 'I’ll never find someone to love.'
• Eliminate words like 'always' or 'never.' Use more specific language, such as 'This date didn’t go anywhere.'
• Look for evidence that challenges this thought. For example, did one bad date really determine your entire love life? How likely is it that this is the case?

Accept all thoughts, even negative ones. Negative thoughts are just like any other thoughts—they appear in your mind and exist. Accepting them doesn’t mean you acknowledge they’re 'true' or valid. It means noticing them without self-judgment.

• Trying to suppress or control negative thoughts, like saying 'I won’t think negatively anymore!' will often make things worse. It’s like telling yourself not to think of purple elephants—you’ll only think of purple elephants.
• Some studies suggest that accepting negative thoughts, rather than fighting them, can help you move past them.
• For example, if you have a thought like 'I’m not attractive,' acknowledge it by saying, 'I’m having a thought that I’m not attractive.' You’re not accepting it as the truth, just acknowledging its existence.

Develop mindfulness. Mindfulness is the ability to observe your emotions without being overwhelmed by them. The principle of mindfulness is that you need to acknowledge and experience negative thoughts and feelings before you can let them go. Mindfulness is not easily achieved because it requires noticing negative self-talk, often tied to shame, such as self-criticism or comparing yourself to others. However, the key is to accept and recognize that shame without getting swept up in it or giving power to the emotions that arise. Research has shown that mindfulness-based therapies and techniques can help you accept yourself and reduce negative thoughts and feelings.

• Try finding a quiet place to practice mindfulness. Sit comfortably and focus on your breathing. Count your inhales and exhales. Your mind will wander, but when it does, don’t be hard on yourself. Just notice what’s happening. Don’t judge it; simply acknowledge it. Bring your focus back to your breath, as this is the core practice of mindfulness.
• By accepting and not obsessing over your thoughts, not letting them take control, you’re learning how to face negative thoughts without trying to change them. In other words, you’re changing your relationship with your thoughts and feelings. Many people find that the content of their thoughts and emotions naturally improves after doing this.

Pay attention to the word 'should.' Words like 'should,' 'must,' and 'have to' are often indicators of internal rules or assumptions that may be unnecessary. For example, you might think, 'I shouldn’t ask for help because it will expose my weaknesses,' or 'I have to be more outgoing.' When you notice such thoughts, take a moment to ask yourself:

• How will this thought impact my life? For instance, if you believe 'I must be more outgoing, or I won’t have friends,' you might feel anxious about declining social invitations. You might force yourself to hang out with friends even when you’re tired or need time alone, which could cause you problems.
• Where does this thought originate? Thoughts often come from rules we set for ourselves. Perhaps your family is very extroverted and encourages you to be social, even if you're introverted. This can make you feel like your quiet nature is 'wrong,' leading to a negative core belief like 'I’m not good enough as I am.'
• Does this thought make sense? In many cases, negative core beliefs stem from inflexible thinking, which traps us in unrealistic standards. For example, if you’re introverted, it’s unreasonable to think you must always be friendly and sociable. You need time to recharge, and you may feel upset if you don’t get that time.
• What do I gain from this thought? Consider whether this thought or belief serves you in any way. Does it help or hinder you?

Explore flexible alternatives. Instead of applying rigid rules to yourself, consider more flexible alternatives. Typically, using limiting phrases like 'sometimes,' 'it would be great if,' or 'I want to' is a good start to making your expectations more reasonable.

• For example, instead of saying: 'I must be more outgoing, or I won’t have friends,' try reframing it with more flexible language: 'Sometimes I will accept invitations from friends because friendship is important to me. Sometimes I will make time for myself because I matter too. It would be great if my friends understood my introversion, but even if they don’t, I will still take care of myself.'

Aim for a more balanced view of yourself. Often, negative self-beliefs are harsh and all-encompassing. They sound like 'I’m a failure' or 'I’m a loser.' These beliefs don’t leave room for the possibility that things aren’t entirely right or wrong, or for balance. Try to adopt a more balanced perspective when evaluating yourself.

• For instance, if you often think 'I’m a failure' because you made a mistake, try using a more moderate self-affirmation: 'I’m good at some things, average at others, and not so great at a few things — just like everyone else.' You won’t claim to be perfect because that’s unrealistic, but you’ll acknowledge that, like everyone else, you have strengths and weaknesses.
• If you frequently label yourself with terms like 'I’m a loser' or 'I’m pathetic,' change your language to accept the existence of 'things that are neither entirely right nor wrong': 'Sometimes I make mistakes.' Remember, this statement refers to *what you do,* not *who you are.* The mistakes you make or the unhelpful thoughts you have do not define you.

Show yourself compassion. If you find yourself trapped in a never-ending loop of unhelpful thoughts, nurture compassion and kindness for yourself. Instead of berating yourself and falling into negative self-talk (e.g., 'I’m stupid and useless'), treat yourself the way you would treat a friend or loved one. This requires carefully observing your actions and taking a broad perspective, recognizing that you wouldn’t want your friends to have such a negative mindset about themselves. Research has shown that self-compassion brings many benefits, such as better mental health, greater enjoyment of life, reduced self-criticism, and many other positive effects.

• Give yourself positive affirmations daily. This will help you restore your sense of self-worth and increase your compassion for yourself. Every day, take a moment to speak, write, or think about these affirmations. Some examples include: 'I am a good person. I deserve the best things, even if I’ve made mistakes in the past'; 'I make mistakes, and I learn from them'; 'I have a lot to contribute to the world. I matter to myself and to those around me.'
• You can also practice compassion by journaling. When you notice negative thoughts, show yourself kindness. For example, when you have a negative thought like, 'I’m so dumb, and I’m going to fail tomorrow’s exam,' counter it with compassion. Remind yourself not to label yourself. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. Then, make a plan for what you can do to avoid making the same mistake in the future. You might write something like, 'I feel stupid for not studying enough for this test. Everyone makes mistakes. I wish I had studied more, but I can’t change that now. Next time, I’ll study the day before, ask a tutor or teacher for help, and I can use this experience as a lesson to grow.'

Focus on the positive. Think about the good things. You might not recognize or appreciate all the things you’ve accomplished in life. Impress yourself, not others. Take a little time to reflect on your past wins, big or small. Doing so will not only help you better acknowledge those achievements but also affirm your place in the world and the value you bring to others. Consider carrying a notebook or journal and set a timer for 10-20 minutes. During this time, list all your accomplishments and continue adding as you think of more!

• In this way, you’re becoming your own cheerleader. Offer yourself positive encouragement and acknowledge what you’ve done. For example, even if you didn’t complete all your planned workouts, at least you made it to the gym one more day each week.

Use positive and hopeful affirmations and language. Stay optimistic and avoid self-fulfilling negative predictions. If you expect the worst, it’s likely to happen. For instance, if you assume that your presentation will be terrible, it may well turn out to be. Instead, stay positive. Tell yourself, 'Even though this is a big challenge, I can still ace this presentation.'

Let go of others' influence on you. If you’re experiencing negative self-talk, it’s likely that people around you are planting similar negative messages in your mind, even close friends and family. To overcome shame and keep moving forward in life, you need to minimize your exposure to 'toxic' people, those who pull you down instead of lifting you up.

• Consider the negative comments of others as weighing 10 kilos. They drag you down and make it harder to stand tall again. Free yourself from that burden and remember that others don’t define you. Only you have the power to define yourself.
• Think about the people who make you feel bad about yourself. You can’t control anyone’s behavior, but you can control how you react and how much you let their actions affect you. If someone is rude, disrespectful, or condescending, understand that they may have their own personal issues or emotional struggles that are causing them to act negatively. However, if this person triggers your insecurity, the best thing you can do is walk away or avoid situations where they’re present, especially if they react negatively when you address their behavior.

Expose yourself to positive social support. Almost everyone benefits from social and emotional support, whether from family, friends, colleagues, or others in our social networks. It’s very helpful to talk with others about our personal challenges and make plans to address them together. Interestingly, social support actually helps us deal better with our own problems, as it boosts our self-esteem.

• Studies consistently show a link between social support and self-esteem, such as when people believe they’re receiving support, their self-esteem and belief in their value increase. So, if you feel supported by those around you, you should feel better about yourself and be more ready to cope with negative thoughts and stress.
• Understand that social support doesn’t follow a one-size-fits-all approach. Some people prefer having a small circle of close friends they can turn to, while others may have a broader social network, including neighbors, religious communities, or social groups.
• In today’s world, social support can come in many forms. If you’re anxious about speaking to someone face-to-face, you can connect with family and friends through social media, video calls, or emails.

Always keep your arms open to help others. Research shows that people who volunteer and help others tend to have higher self-esteem than those who don’t. It may sound counterintuitive, but science has proven that the sense of social connection that comes from volunteering or helping others makes us feel better about ourselves.

• Moreover, helping others actually makes us happier! Plus, you’ll make a significant difference in someone else’s world. Not only will you be happier, but the person you help might feel the same.
• There are countless opportunities to connect with others and make a difference. Consider volunteering at soup kitchens or homeless shelters. You could coach a youth sports team in the summer. Be ready to help friends in need by preparing meals for them. Volunteer at local animal rescue stations.

Consult a mental health professional. If you’re struggling to change and eliminate negative thoughts, or if these thoughts are affecting your mental health and daily physical activities, it might be time to schedule an appointment with a counselor, psychologist, or other mental health professionals. Remember that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is highly effective in changing thought patterns and is one of the most researched therapy types, with substantial evidence supporting its efficacy.

• In many cases, a therapist can help you develop helpful strategies to build your self-image. Remember that sometimes people can’t fix everything on their own. Therapy has shown significant effects in improving self-esteem and overall quality of life.
• Furthermore, a therapist can help you deal with other mental health issues that may arise from shame and self-doubt, such as depression and anxiety.
• Understand that seeking help from others is not a sign of personal weakness or failure.