Buzz
Many people view shyness as a negative trait. The truth is, it isn't as bad as it might seem. There's nothing wrong with being shy. While everyone around you might shout, “Why are you so shy?” causing confusion, there are many advantages to this personality. It gives you a chance to think before you act, keeps you from getting too close to people who might not be trustworthy, and helps you better understand others because you stay calm in social situations. If these benefits aren't enough to convince you to accept your shyness, you can try the methods below to learn to love yourself for being the shy person you are.
Steps
Find the Positives of Shyness in Life
Reflect on the Past. When you look back, you may not recall how shyness has actually benefited you. You might only remember how this trait made it hard to approach the person you liked or prevented you from landing the dream job that you could have gotten if you'd just approached the CEO. While it's natural to focus on the negative consequences of being shy, you can shift your thinking to rediscover the positive aspects of your shyness that you might have once dismissed.
Make a List. You can list the negative aspects of shyness, but don't alter the accompanying factors. Reflect on all the ways your shyness has actually benefited you.
- Sometimes, being shy allows you to listen more attentively to others.
- Shyness gives you the space to absorb information around you, like body language.
- Realize that despite being shy, you've led a life filled with deep and rich inner dialogues.
- Perhaps you’ve been able to grasp what others truly want to convey because you listen more than you speak.
- You're often inclined to analyze situations, helping you understand what you're approaching before taking action.
- People might appreciate when you don’t dominate the conversation but instead let them talk about their lives.
- Being shy offers you the chance to enjoy solitude, which makes you feel at ease.
Keep a Journal. A journal will help you record situations where your shyness has been an asset. This will be useful as you write and later revisit the entries. You’ll always be able to look back on how shyness has benefited you, especially in recognizing moments when it may have hindered your life.
- You might want to record how your shyness has helped you in your career.
- Shyness may have also played a significant role in your emotional life. Pay attention to how it has supported you and jot it all down.
- Don’t forget how your shyness has helped you focus inwardly, allowing you to figure out what you truly want from life.
- Write about the challenges you faced due to your shyness and how you overcame them. This could be helpful when you face similar challenges in the future.
Love Yourself
Look in the Mirror. Take a close look at yourself. This is who you are. You are unique, and you’ve accomplished amazing things in life. Smile at yourself in the mirror and pay attention to how it feels when you smile at your reflection. Don’t let yourself dismiss anything about your appearance or personality. Just accept who you truly are at this moment. This is the starting point for accepting and loving yourself more. You are simply you. Remind yourself of your wonderful qualities and say them out loud as you look into the mirror.
Hug Yourself. You can do this anywhere, as all it takes is to wrap your arms around yourself. Think about how it feels when someone hugs you. Doesn’t that feel wonderful? Additionally, hugging yourself is truly effective when you fully commit to the action. It can help reduce stress and boost your self-esteem. This act also allows you to show yourself love, which you might not have done in a while.
- Hug yourself by crossing your left arm over your chest and onto your right arm, or do the reverse by crossing your right arm over your chest and onto your left arm. Gently embrace yourself and hold the position for as long as you need.
- Gently stroke your back. This action is more than just a hug; it offers additional benefits. Simply place your hands and arms across your chest and over the opposite shoulder, then gently caress your back.
Eat, Sleep, and Move. The better your physical health, the better you will feel about yourself. Think of a day when nothing was bothering you physically. Chances are, you felt much better compared to when you had a headache or were sick, right? That's why taking good care of your body is really important. Don't let yourself get tired or ill, because it may lead to feeling down about your shyness. What you need is comfort, which will allow you to appreciate your shyness.
- Make sure you get at least 7 hours of sleep a night. Some people need more, some less, but the average is around 7 hours. It's best to experiment with different amounts of sleep to figure out what works best for you. Be consistent with your sleep schedule—go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends.
- Eat to nourish your body. Your body is your source of strength. It needs energy to operate daily. If you don't provide enough energy, your body will start to struggle, making it harder to fight off illness and get things done. This can make you feel worn out. Avoid this by following a healthy eating plan, such as the one recommended by the US Department of Agriculture (USDA).
- Exercise. Your body craves activity. Your muscles and organs need exercise to stay strong and function well. Without it, you could feel tired, sluggish, or weak. You certainly don't want to experience this, so make sure you're getting what you need to stay healthy by engaging in aerobic exercises and weight training. Experts recommend at least 150 minutes of moderate exercise a week, or 75 minutes of vigorous activity.
Be Around Others Who Are Shy
Spend time with shy friends. Since shy individuals often feel lonely in challenging situations, it’s a kind gesture to spend time with others who share similar feelings. Although it may be tough to meet many shy people since they tend to avoid socializing, if you manage to connect with at least one person, you’ll quickly see the benefits of this meeting.
When attending a social event, pay attention to those standing alone. These individuals might share your shyness. If you're too shy to approach them yourself, try to move closer. It would be great if you could start a conversation, but if that's not possible, simply get close enough so they can initiate a greeting.
- When approaching someone, it might be easier to start by joking about your own shyness. For instance, you could say, 'Social events like this always challenge me because I'm a bit shy.' This helps you acknowledge your own shyness.
- Understand that others might not see themselves as shy in the way you do, so avoid saying things like, 'You seem just as shy as I am...' Focus on talking about your own shyness, and if the other person shares that trait, they’ll likely mention it themselves.
Start a support group. You could create a support group within your community. Post flyers at libraries, coffee shops, and other public places, then hold a meeting at the time and place mentioned in the flyers.
- This might seem out of your comfort zone, but stepping beyond your boundaries while staying true to your shyness can be really helpful. All you need to do is say hello and ask people how they feel about being shy. You can have a casual conversation with friends who understand your shyness.
Organize a shy individuals meetup on Meetup. Meetup.com is an excellent platform for meeting new people and spending time together within your community. You can create a personal profile and organize a meetup. Make sure to clearly define the purpose of the group when setting up the event. People will want to understand why they should attend. Once you have some interest, you can plan to meet in person.
- You don't need to start the meetup from scratch. Someone may have already created a group for shy individuals. Check for an existing group before starting your own.
Join online communities for shy people. These online spaces often host discussions about feelings of shyness, ways to overcome it, and how to support others with similar experiences. It's a great place to accept your shyness and connect with others who share your struggles.
- Many websites and social media platforms are dedicated to shy communities. Join forums and groups on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Google+.
- If you can't find a group that suits your needs, consider creating your own. This might be a better option if you're not ready to start an in-person support group or meetup.
Explore the Benefits of Shyness
Research the positive aspects of shyness online. Shyness has been a focus of study for many years. Research has uncovered the benefits of this trait. Discover studies that highlight the positive sides of shyness and reflect on how they impact you personally.
Begin subscribing to Google News Alerts to stay informed about the latest research on shyness. Whenever new studies about shyness are published, you will receive an email from Google News.
- Simply enter keywords related to shyness into Google News Alerts. Examples of keywords include: research on shyness, benefits of shyness, and advantages of being shy.
- Set up alerts to receive notifications as soon as new research becomes available, giving you motivation throughout the day.
- You can fine-tune your keywords in Google News Alerts to include relevant phrases. Feel free to add as many keywords as you like to ensure you don't miss any important research.
Contact the local university where research on shyness is being conducted. You can participate in the study or simply learn what they have discovered through their research. Universities typically have professors and student assistants who are looking for volunteers to help collect data or relevant information. This is a great way to apply shyness in helping yourself and others.
Seek Expert Assistance
Schedule an appointment with a counselor. Accepting yourself can be challenging, often because of something you've done in the past. Discussing why you cannot accept your shyness can be helpful. Sometimes, the mere act of voicing this will help you understand why you resist this trait. By working with a counselor, you can address the root cause of your shyness and collaborate to find ways to change your perception of this characteristic, ultimately allowing you to accept it.
- Check with your insurance company to see if they cover behavioral health services.
- Look for online counselors with experience helping people with shyness.
- If possible, speak with a counselor over the phone to ask how they approach helping individuals who are self-conscious about their shyness.
Ask your doctor for help. Failing to accept your shyness can lead to depression, which may negatively affect your quality of life and even cause thoughts of self-harm or harm to others. This is serious. Call your doctor immediately if you're experiencing such thoughts to receive a depression diagnosis. This could be a turning point to understanding how you feel, and ultimately, you'll be able to love yourself more.
Consider working with a life skills coach. A coach experienced in helping shy individuals usually has structured programs designed to guide you through the self-acceptance process. Many of the steps discussed here, such as accepting shyness, loving yourself, and recognizing the benefits of this trait, can be easier with someone by your side encouraging you. That's where a life coach can be especially helpful.
- Look for coaches online. Many have websites to promote their services, so you can search for someone experienced with shyness and building confidence.
- A coach doesn't need formal training or certification, but it's better to choose someone trained in life coaching. Check qualifications or refer to the International Coach Federation to find coaches who meet the necessary requirements to ensure you meet a reliable expert.
- Coaching is a partnership between the coach and the client. Together, you and the coach will identify ways to help you accept your shyness. Each session will bring you closer to this goal, and there may be tasks to complete between sessions to ensure effective progress.
Advice
- Accepting shyness is a daily practice. Reflect on the benefits you’ve experienced with this trait every day.
- Don't rush the process. Take the time to embrace aspects of yourself that you previously disliked.
- Remember, you are a good person. Shyness does not make you any less worthy, no matter what anyone, including yourself, may say.
Warning
- If, after a few days, you start experiencing symptoms of depression, contact your doctor immediately.
