Buzz
Harmful images of so-called 'ideal' body types are constantly bombarding you, making it difficult to accept, cherish, and feel confident in your own body—something that is incredibly important. Equally crucial is understanding what your body is capable of and feeling comfortable with those abilities. According to philosopher Baruch Spinoza, humans 'do not know what the body can do,' meaning no one can truly know their body's full potential until they test it. Psychologists note a distinction between how people perceive their bodies and how their bodies actually function. To fully accept your body, it's essential to connect with both its physical and emotional aspects, embracing its current state.
Steps
Appreciate the uniqueness of your body
Identify what truly brings you joy. List the happiest moments you've experienced. Include as many details as possible, such as who was with you, what you were doing, where you were, etc. Reflect on what these memories have in common. Is it the people around you? The level of excitement the event generated? Or simply the setting, like being in nature or a bustling city? Once you recognize the situations that brought you the most happiness, try to maximize the time you spend in similar circumstances.
- Everyone has a unique and special body, meaning you'll need to experiment to discover what makes you happy. Research shows that less than half of Americans say they are truly happy with their current situation, partly because they aren't entirely sure what truly brings them joy. Start simply by revisiting all the moments you can describe as happy.
Recognize your talents. Part of accepting your body's unique structure is acknowledging that some people excel in certain areas more than others. For instance, if your maximum height is 1.58 meters, you might not become a world-class star in the National Basketball Association. However, you could still become an exceptional equestrian. Learning to accept yourself also means understanding that your body excels in specific activities compared to others. It might take time to discover what those activities are.
- If you're unsure which activities suit your body, take time to experiment with things you've never considered trying. Take a yoga or pottery class. Attend an improv performance. As Spinoza said, there's no way to know what your body can do until you actually do it.
Find aspects of your body and appearance that you love. Even those with extreme body ideals can find something about their body to take pride in. It's essential to learn to cherish and appreciate every quality you possess, including physical traits. Don't obsess over what bothers you; instead, focus on the positives.
- For example, if you currently dislike your thighs—perhaps you think they're too thick or too thin—try shifting your perspective. You might wish they were slimmer, but they help you excel at climbing that hill. Or you might feel self-conscious about your slender legs, but they allow you to wear skinny jeans that few others can.
Accept your body as it is. This means not trying to be someone else or fixating on features you dislike. Learn to love your body—how it moves, feels, and functions. Don't dwell on the body you once had, especially if it's changing due to pregnancy, childbirth, injury, or illness. Treat yourself kindly in your current state.
- Don't force yourself into diets unless advised by a doctor. Learn to listen to your body and eat according to its needs. Avoid starving yourself or berating yourself for overeating.
Learn to avoid negative thoughts about your body
Recognize how much time you spend on negative thoughts. These thoughts won't help improve your self-image. Spend a day or two reflecting on how often you think about your body. How many times do you have negative thoughts or say negative things about your body? How often do you think positively? Chances are, you're being harsher on yourself than you deserve.
- Consider keeping a log in a journal or your phone. Carry a notebook and jot down each negative thought, including whether it relates to your appearance. By the end of the day, you might be surprised at how many negative thoughts you've had.
Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. While it may be challenging at first, this is a crucial step in accepting your body. As soon as you notice a negative thought, replace it with something positive about yourself. Give yourself time to build this habit of positive thinking.
- Try starting your day with a few positive affirmations, and throughout the day, remind yourself to focus on the positives whenever you feel self-doubt. For example, you might say, 'I love how confident I feel with this new hairstyle.'
Limit exposure to negative media images. Try to reduce or stop consuming TV shows, movies, magazines, or blogs that portray unrealistic and negative body standards. Remind yourself that most photos online and in magazines are edited to fit narrow beauty ideals.
- Psychologists warn that over the past 20 years, such images have created unrealistic body ideals. Don't let yourself be consumed by these exaggerated and unattainable portrayals.
Seek a cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) specialist. A psychologist can use CBT techniques, focusing on short-term, present goals as part of the therapy. While seeing a CBT specialist is ideal, you can also start practicing it yourself. When a negative thought arises, pause, take a deep breath, and look for evidence supporting that thought. Has anyone actually criticized your body? If so, were they intentionally trying to hurt you or just teasing?
- Psychologists suggest that unrealistic expectations about appearance often lead to distorted body images. It's important to recognize these unrealistic expectations and counter them with factual information.
Deal with negative people around you. While you're working on treating yourself better and focusing on your positives, you also need to evaluate the people in your life. Do you hear comments from friends or family about your weight, clothing, or hairstyle? If so, it's important to address these negative influences.
- Remember, you can't cut off friends and family like canceling a magazine subscription. However, if they mock your body or are overly critical, be prepared to have a respectful but firm conversation about how their words and actions affect you.
Engage with diverse social groups. When trying new activities, talk to people you wouldn't normally interact with or feel hesitant about. Initially, it might feel uncomfortable, but with practice, it will become easier. Remember, isolating yourself is worse, and studies show it can lead to long-term issues like obesity. It's important to feel comfortable socializing with new people, especially if your current circle doesn't support your body image or has a negative influence.
- Brain research shows that human connections are driven by brain chemistry, meaning you don't always bond with people who fit your self-created ideal. This applies to friendships too. Surround yourself with people who support and encourage your self-discovery. Simply put, accepting your body and resisting unrealistic ideals is much easier when you're among people who accept you and your journey.
Learn to focus on the positive
Focus on the compliments you receive. Instead of dwelling on criticism, embrace the praise that comes your way. Pay attention to the content of the compliments and remember them. Write them down so you can remind yourself later, especially during moments of sadness or frustration.
- Rather than dismissing compliments or assuming they're just polite gestures, accept them and believe they are genuine. Treat them as sincere observations. Receive their kind words with gratitude.
Continuously find things you love about yourself. Whenever you catch yourself thinking negatively about your body or a specific feature, remind yourself of the things you appreciate. List at least ten positive traits about yourself, excluding anything related to appearance. Regularly update this list.
- This practice will help you understand and value the wonderful aspects of who you are. You'll realize that physical appearance is just one part of the bigger picture.
Reform your relationship with the mirror. If you spend a lot of time in front of the mirror, make it a rule to avoid saying or thinking anything negative about yourself. Instead, focus on the positive aspects you see in your reflection. If the mirror still causes distress, put it away for a while. Studies show that people often focus more on their careers or relationships than their appearance.
- Practice affirmations in front of the mirror: Tell yourself, 'I am beautiful!' or 'I am amazing!' while looking at your reflection. It might feel awkward at first, and you may not believe what you're saying, but experts suggest that this cognitive-behavioral technique will yield results over time.
Set goals and create change
Improve your health and happiness. Part of the journey toward fully accepting and being happy with your body involves making changes. For example, if you're overweight, you might want to lose weight. But remember, the number on the scale is just one aspect of your overall health. Ensure you have regular health check-ups to get all your numbers (weight, blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, etc.). This way, you can understand your overall health and discuss health goals with your doctor.
- You might need to gain or lose weight for health reasons, but you should also focus on building strength, flexibility, and endurance.
Set positive goals. Instead of focusing on the negative, emphasize the positive. For example, if you decide to start an exercise routine, avoid framing your goal around losing a certain amount of weight. Instead, create a positive goal like, 'I will train to run 3 km without stopping,' or 'I promise to join a walking group to build the stamina to hike with my dad.'
- You're more likely to succeed (both in achieving your goals and feeling satisfied with yourself) if you focus on what you hope to accomplish or improve.
Engage in physical activities you enjoy. Choose activities and exercise programs that you find fun and exciting, not just based on whether they might change your appearance. Spend time trying new activities and pick ones you genuinely enjoy and find energizing. If you love yoga, practice yoga, even if you think you don't look graceful doing it due to your body size. Almost every fitness program has options for people of different sizes and shapes.
- If you feel self-conscious exercising in front of others, consider private lessons, working out with a close friend, or exercising at home. Don't let the fear of judgment dictate how you live your life.
Dress in your own style. Don't choose clothes, makeup, or hairstyles based solely on what you think is 'appropriate' for someone with your body type or magazine advice on how to 'optimize' your appearance. Wear what you like and feel comfortable in. Your clothing should reflect your personality, be comfortable, and suit your style and activities.
- Experiment with different styles. If you feel confident and beautiful in something that's said to 'flatter body type X,' go for it, but make sure it's your choice, not something you feel pressured into.
Look at the bigger picture
Only compare yourself to your past self. The world would be dull if everyone looked the same. Comparing yourself to others, whether a celebrity or a classmate, is pointless. Instead, focus on your personal progress over time and the realistic goals you've set. For example, you might realize you look better now than you did a few years ago.
- Remember to be patient and kind to yourself. Don't be harsher on yourself than you would be on others.
Remember that body image is just one part of a healthy self-image. While it's important to learn to accept and love your body, it's equally crucial to understand that self-esteem isn't defined by your appearance.
- What qualities come to mind when you think of the people you admire, love, or respect most? Do you judge others or yourself solely based on physical traits, or do you consider personality and character?
Know when to seek help. Understand that almost everyone struggles to maintain a positive body image, and life's ups and downs are natural. However, seriously consider speaking with a counselor, doctor, or mental health professional if you feel the need. Some signs indicate you may have a serious issue requiring professional help. Ask yourself:
- Can you not control negative thoughts about yourself? Do you spend hours obsessing over perceived flaws?
- Does distress about your appearance interfere with your life? For example, do you avoid going out or speaking in public? Are you afraid to go to work because you fear being judged?
- Do you spend excessive time in front of the mirror or grooming each day?
- Can you stop comparing yourself to others? Do you avoid photos?
- If you struggle with any of these, you may need help accepting your body. You might have Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), a condition requiring professional intervention. Untreated, BDD can lead to suicidal thoughts. Even without BDD, there's no shame in seeking advice and support instead of struggling alone.
Find professional support that works for you. You have many options for seeking professional help. You can see a mental health therapist or counselor for one-on-one treatment. Alternatively, you can join local support groups for a more relaxed experience. There are also online support groups where you can connect with others struggling with negative body image.
- It's important to seek support from non-judgmental individuals who can offer helpful advice.
Advice
- Stick small notes on your mirror highlighting your positive traits. Feel free to mention physical features you admire (e.g., 'I have gorgeous cheekbones'), but also include qualities unrelated to appearance.
- A strong support system is crucial, as seeking advice on body image from someone you trust can be incredibly helpful. Refer to them when negative thoughts arise.
- Always consult a doctor before starting a new diet or exercise program, and be cautious of extreme or sudden changes in your body.
- Everyone is unique, regardless of shape or size. Some people feel self-conscious about body hair, but there's no need to worry—most people are accustomed to it, and some even find it attractive.
