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"Be yourself" is arguably one of the most frequently cited pieces of advice in the realm of personal growth. But what does it genuinely mean to 'be yourself'? Is it truly as simple as it sounds? By following the steps below, you can get closer to answering this question.
Steps
Uncovering Your True Identity
Discover who you are and define your own identity on your terms. Oscar Wilde humorously put it: Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. While it may sound lighthearted, it essentially sums up the truth. However, you can’t truly be yourself if you don’t first know, comprehend, and accept yourself. This should be your key objective.
- Set aside time to reflect on what you value and explore what makes up your essence. Reflect on your life, choices, and how you wish to live it. Consider what actions you would or wouldn't pursue and adjust accordingly; trial and error are often more effective than you might realize.
- While personality tests can offer insights, it's crucial to only take what resonates with you. Don’t allow such tests to define you. Make sure your self-definition aligns with your own understanding and feels authentic. You may feel uneasy at first, but with the right circle around you, they will embrace you for who you are.
Don't be surprised if some of your values appear to conflict. This is a natural consequence of adopting diverse values from various sources, such as culture, religion, mentors, influential figures, educational systems, and more. What truly matters is that you continue to navigate through these conflicts and determine which values feel most authentic to you.
- Just because your values seem to be at odds doesn't mean you have to discard them. It's all part of your evolving self. You're not meant to fit into a single category. You possess values for various facets of your life, so it’s natural they may differ.
Avoid dwelling on the past and preventing your own growth. A destructive way to approach life is to define yourself by a particular moment or phase and then attempt to live the rest of your life trying to be that person from the past, rather than someone who continues to evolve with each passing year. Give yourself the freedom to grow, to improve, and to become wiser.
- Grant yourself the ability to forgive past mistakes and choices you're not proud of. Work on accepting the decisions you made; they are in the past. You had your reasons for them and they made sense at the time, so rather than being anchored by them, learn the lessons they offer and keep evolving.
- Pay attention to people who claim they haven't changed since they were 16, 26, or 36, or whatever age. Do these people seem adaptable, lighthearted, and content? Usually not, because they are so fixated on the idea that nothing has changed for them that they can't take in new perspectives, learn from others, or grow. Growth through each phase of life is key to staying true to yourself and maintaining emotional health.
Never stop seeking out your own strengths. These strengths may shift over time, and with them, your self-definition may evolve as well, but always stay focused on them. They more than compensate for your weaknesses and are the main reason why comparing yourself to others doesn't serve you.
- Comparison breeds resentment. When you're filled with resentment, it becomes difficult to embrace the "be yourself" mindset because you're too busy longing for someone else's life!
- Comparison also leads to criticism of others. A life spent criticizing others is often rooted in insecurity and a need to diminish others in order to feel better about oneself. This is not only a surefire way to lose friends and respect, but it also keeps you from being your true self because you're too busy envying others instead of focusing on your own growth.
Relax. Stop stressing about the worst that could happen, especially in social situations. So what if you trip? Or have spinach stuck in your teeth? Or accidentally headbutt your date while trying to kiss them? Learn to laugh at yourself both in the moment and afterward.
- Turn the situation into a funny anecdote you can share with others. It shows you’re not perfect and puts everyone at ease. Plus, being able to laugh at yourself is a charming quality!
- If others make hurtful comments, don’t take it to heart. That’s their issue, not yours.
Mytour Quiz: What Kind of Reality Check Do I Need?
We all have blind spots, particularly when it comes to how we treat both others and ourselves. Recognizing your own weaknesses can be challenging, but that's why we're here to assist. Take this quiz to uncover your blind spots and find out what they really are.
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Choose your favorite sea creature:
Interacting with Others
Be truthful and transparent. What is there to conceal? We are all flawed, evolving, and learning individuals. If there is any part of you that you feel embarrassed or insecure about, whether physically or emotionally, it's time to accept it and learn to embrace what you perceive as imperfections, turning them into unique quirks or simple acknowledgments of your humanity.
- Try admitting your flaws during an argument. You might find that you suddenly eliminate the very reason for the argument’s stubbornness, which is often about saving face and refusing to give in. When you say, "Yes, I can be irritable when the room’s messy, and I know I shouldn't leave my clothes on the floor, but I do it because I’m still working on breaking that lazy habit. I'm sorry, I could do better, and I will try," you bring genuine self-honesty into the conversation, which often disarms the entire argument.
Avoid comparing yourself to others. If you're constantly trying to become someone you're not, you will never experience true happiness. This habit comes from comparing your life with others and feeling like you're falling short in certain areas. It’s a dangerous path that leads to increasingly negative thinking.
- While you may see the image others want to project publicly, you will never truly know what's happening behind the scenes in their seemingly perfect lives. When you compare yourself to others, you’re giving too much power to their curated image and devaluing your own worth based on an illusion. It’s a futile exercise that only causes harm.
- Instead, appreciate who you are, love your individuality, and accept your flaws—because we all have them. As we’ve mentioned before, honesty is better than hiding away from them.
Stop worrying about how others view you. Some will like you, others won’t, and neither perspective is right or wrong. It’s almost impossible to be authentic when you’re constantly thinking, "Do they think I’m funny? Do they think I’m overweight? Do they think I’m unintelligent? Am I popular enough to be part of their group?" To truly be yourself, you need to let go of these concerns and let your behavior flow naturally, guided by your consideration of others—not their perception of you.
- If you change for one person or group, another may not like it, trapping you in a never-ending cycle of people-pleasing. Instead of trying to please everyone, focus on nurturing your own talents and strengths.
Stop being a people-pleaser. Constantly seeking everyone’s approval and affection is a futile pursuit that can undermine your personal growth and self-esteem. As Eleanor Roosevelt once wisely said, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, and what matters most is trusting your own inner confidence. If it’s lacking, start building it!
- Does this mean that no one’s opinion matters? Not at all. It hurts to face social rejection. If you’re stuck in a situation where you have to be around people who dislike you, it’s harmful to internalize their negative views. What you can do is selectively value the opinions of those who genuinely care about you and align with your life goals.
Surround yourself with positive people. Don’t dismiss what you're going through, especially when facing negative social pressure or bullying. It's easier to deal with if you recognize it as pressure and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Building a supportive circle of friends who share your values can help counteract the impact of negativity. You might tell yourself that the opinions of hostile individuals don't matter, but it’s much easier to believe that when you're surrounded by people who stand by you.
- Compare those who love and respect you to the bully; suddenly their opinions lose all power. We naturally value the opinions of those we admire. If someone doesn’t respect you, their words mean little—coming from someone who is virtually a stranger.
Learn to distinguish between malicious, sarcastic comments and helpful constructive criticism. The latter focuses on real flaws that you may not be aware of but can improve upon. People like parents, mentors, teachers, and coaches might be offering valuable feedback that requires you to reflect and grow at your own pace. The key is that their critique is meant to be constructive.
- These individuals care about your development and are respectful in their approach. Once you recognize the difference, you’ll be able to dismiss negative, unhelpful remarks and benefit from critiques that lead to genuine self-improvement.
Nurturing Your Authentic Self
Treat yourself with the same love and care you'd show to your best friend. You cherish and value those closest to you—so why not treat yourself the same way? If you were to spend an entire day with yourself, what would the best, most fun, fulfilled, peaceful version of you look like? Embrace the most authentic version of yourself.
- Take charge of your well-being and boost your self-esteem. If others aren't constantly reminding you of how amazing you are, do it for yourself. Tell yourself you're worthy, special, and full of potential. When you start to believe in your own greatness, others will begin to notice and validate your inner confidence!
Celebrate and express your individuality. Whether it’s through your unique style or the way you communicate, if your approach differs from the mainstream and leads to positive results, own it. Be your own person, not just another face in the crowd.
- Develop strong communication skills – the better you express yourself, the more likely it is that people who appreciate your true self will connect with you, while those who don’t resonate with you can simply step aside.
Selena Gomez, Founder, Rare Beauty
Own your authentic self. "Being rare is about embracing who you are. I’ve stopped striving for perfection. I just want to be me."
Stop being hard on yourself. Comparing yourself to others often leads to false comparisons. For example, you might dream of being a top Hollywood producer while you’re just starting out as a budding scriptwriter. Comparing your early journey to someone else’s established career is an unfair comparison. That producer has years of experience, while you’re just beginning, testing your writing skills, which might one day become exceptional.
- Make realistic comparisons. Look to others for inspiration and motivation, rather than using them as a measure to diminish your own progress.
Follow your own style. Many people tend to mimic others’ actions because they believe it will help them fit in, but don’t you think it’s more important to stand out? Yes, standing out can be difficult, but you should avoid adopting other people's views of you, even if it's not something you’d usually do. That’s what being authentic is all about.
- No matter who you are, embrace it. Being different is beautiful, and it draws people to you. Don't allow others to change you!
Understand that some days will be better than others. People might raise their eyebrows or even ridicule you when you're being your true self, but if you can just brush it off and say, "Hey, that's just me," others will eventually respect you, and you’ll respect yourself too. Many people struggle with being authentic, so if you can do it, they might even admire you.
- It may hurt when you're teased, and while it’s easier said than done, try to let it slide. In the end, you’ll become a stronger, more self-aware person, ready to face any challenges that come your way.
Standing Tall
Stand up for yourself. Why let someone bully you? They don’t have the right to do so! If you’re facing a problem, there are plenty of compassionate, understanding people who are eager to help you.
Stand up for others. When you see someone bullying another person, it’s in your nature to step in and stop it. No matter how you go about it, you have the right to intervene. You believe in yourself, and your confidence gives others the strength to do the same.
Stand up for the people you once defended. Just because you had to protect yourself doesn't mean they lack compassion!
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Guys and girls, never let anything stop you from embracing who you truly are. If you're into sports and reading, that’s amazing! You're a unique individual with countless qualities, and comparing yourself to others won't help you unlock your full potential. Everyone has greatness inside; you just need to let it shine.
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There will be moments when you may wish to be someone else, but always remember you're wonderfully and fearfully made. Love yourself.
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Don’t claim you can do something just to please someone! It won’t do any good, and that person will figure it out in no time.
The advice shared here is rooted in the lived experiences of Mytour readers like you. If you have a useful tip you'd like to contribute to Mytour, please submit it in the space provided below.
- Just because you want to stay true to yourself doesn't mean you should dismiss the preferences and opinions of others. Personal growth involves finding a balance between being influenced by your closest friends and influencing yourself.
- Those who matter won’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter. Real friends understand your weaknesses and will try to support you, while bullies will just criticize you—ignore them.
- If someone is bullying you, try complimenting them right afterward. If you respond to insults with kindness, bullies often get confused or flustered and won’t know how to react.
- If you find yourself comparing to others on social media, take a break. Spend quality time with people in the real world instead of comparing your life to theirs online.
