How to Embrace Yourself

Self-acceptance is the ability to value every part of who you are, unconditionally. This means appreciating both your strengths and the aspects you feel need improvement. The journey toward self-acceptance often begins by acknowledging the judgments you have against yourself and soothing them, so that every part of you is valued. Furthermore, it's crucial to commit to shifting your focus from criticism and blame to forgiveness and love.

Acknowledge your strengths and unique qualities. Recognizing your strengths or traits you appreciate can help create balance in your life and bring attention to parts of yourself that may not always be acknowledged. Moreover, identifying strengths helps redefine your self-image. Start by listing your positive traits, or make it a habit to note one strength each day if it's difficult to think of them. For example:

• I am a compassionate person.
• I am a strong mother.
• I am a skilled artist.
• I am a creative problem solver.

Create a list of accomplishments. Recognizing and acknowledging your strengths can be achieved by creating a list of the achievements you've reached. These might include people you've helped, personal milestones, or challenging times you've overcome. These examples can help focus your attention on actions or behaviors that highlight your strengths. The more specific and clear these illustrations are, the better you will be able to identify your own strengths. For example:

• The time my father passed away was a difficult period for the family, but I take pride in helping my mother get through that painful time.
• I set a goal to complete the next part of the marathon, and after six months of training, I crossed the finish line!
• After losing my job, I struggled for months to adjust and pay the bills. But I learned more about my strengths and am now in a much better place.

Recognize how you judge yourself. Understanding self-criticism is crucial to identifying the aspects of yourself that you tend to criticize excessively. Over-criticism occurs when you're dissatisfied with certain aspects of your own behavior or characteristics. This might include feelings of shame or disappointment, which can suppress self-acceptance. Start by listing negative thoughts you have about yourself. For example:

• I won’t be able to do anything right anymore.
• I always misinterpret other people's comments; something must be wrong with me.
• I'm too overweight.
• I hate making decisions.

Understand how others' comments affect you. When others give feedback, we often absorb these comments and internalize them into our self-perception. If you can trace the origin of your self-criticism, you can begin to rethink how you view yourself.

• For instance, if your mother has always criticized your appearance, you might now feel insecure. However, understand that her criticism comes from her own insecurities. Once you realize this, you'll start regaining confidence in your appearance.

Notice when you're thinking negatively. Once you're aware of the areas in life that you criticize the most, it's time to quiet your 'inner critic.' The inner critic might tell you things like, 'I don’t have the ideal body' or 'I can’t do anything right.' Quieting the inner criticism will reduce the emphasis on negative self-thoughts and make space for love, forgiveness, and acceptance. To silence the inner critic, practice catching negative thoughts when they arise. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, 'I’m just an idiot,' ask yourself questions like:

• Is this a positive thought?
• Does this thought make me feel better?
• Would I tell my friends or partner this thought?
• If all answers are no, you'll realize that the inner critic is simply criticizing you again.

Challenge your inner critic. When you notice negative self-talk, challenge and soothe this critical voice. Prepare to embrace opposing, positive thoughts or ideas. You can apply the strengths you discovered in earlier steps.

• For example, if you catch yourself thinking, 'I’m so dumb,' replace that thought with something more positive: 'Even though I don’t know this topic, I am knowledgeable about others, and that’s okay.'
• Remind yourself of your strengths: 'We may not be experts in the same field. I know I am skilled or specialized in another area, and I am proud of that.'
• Tell your inner critic that its negative statements aren’t true. 'Okay, inner critic, I know you’ve said I’m not insightful, but that’s not true. I realize I have knowledge in important and specific areas.'
• Always try to view inner criticism positively. Remind and guide yourself because you’re still learning to change how you think about yourself.

Focus on accepting yourself first, then work on improving. Self-acceptance is about acknowledging who you are in the present. Self-improvement often revolves around the changes needed for future self-acceptance. Recognize areas of yourself that you appreciate right now, then decide if you want to improve them in the future.

• For example, if you want to lose weight, start by expressing self-acceptance about your current body: 'Even though I want to lose weight, I am still beautiful and feel just as comfortable as usual.' Then, shift your improvement goal to a positive and optimistic tone. Instead of thinking, 'I don’t have the perfect body, and when I lose 8 kg, I’ll look and feel better,' you can say, 'I want to lose 8 kg to become healthier and more energetic.'

Change your expectations of yourself. When you set unrealistic expectations for yourself, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. In other words, this will make self-acceptance harder. Alter your expectations of yourself.

• For example, if you say, 'I’m so lazy. I didn’t even clean the kitchen today,' change your expectation by saying, 'I prepared dinner for the family. I can ask the kids to help clean the kitchen after breakfast tomorrow.'

Understand that you deserve love. It may sound strange or uncomfortable to say that you build self-love, because it may seem selfish. However, love is considered the foundation of self-acceptance. The reason is that love is 'the awareness of others' pain with the desire to alleviate it.' You deserve empathy and kindness like that! The first step toward self-love is recognizing your own value. It’s easy and common to let others’ thoughts, feelings, opinions, and beliefs govern your sense of self-worth. Instead of allowing your self-recognition to depend on the approval of others, decide for yourself. Learn to acknowledge and accept yourself without needing others' approval.

Practice Affirmations Every Day. Affirmations are positive expressions that uplift and support one's spirit. Applying this practice to oneself can be a powerful tool for building self-love. Self-love helps you easily empathize with and forgive your past self, allowing you to move past guilt and regret. Daily affirmations gradually shift your inner critique. Build self-love every day by affirming it through words, writings, or thoughts. Here are some examples of affirmations:

• I can overcome difficult times; I am stronger than I think.
• I am not perfect, and I may make mistakes; this is normal.
• I am a kind and thoughtful person.
• Practice self-love. If you are having a hard time accepting a part of yourself, take a moment to gently build self-love for yourself. Acknowledge that self-criticism can be hurtful and overly harsh. Remind yourself to be gentle and practice self-affirmation.
• Example: If you think, “I don’t have an ideal body; I’m a bit overweight,” acknowledge that this thought is not kind to yourself: “This is a negative thought, and I shouldn’t share it with my friends. It brings me down, and it’s unworthy.”
• Say something kinder: “My body may not be perfect, but it is mine; it is healthy and allows me to do all the things I love, like playing with my children.”

Practice Forgiveness. The act of self-forgiveness can help diminish the guilt of the past, which may be preventing you from fully accepting your present self. It’s easy to judge the past based on unrealistic hopes. Forgiving yourself allows you to release shame and create space for more love and acceptance of your past viewpoint. Sometimes, inner criticism can resist allowing us to forgive ourselves for past mistakes.

• Sometimes, we treat ourselves poorly by focusing solely on mistakes. Pay close attention to the mistakes you may have made. Try to assess if there were any external factors involved in those situations. Often, the situation may be beyond our control, yet we still feel guilty. Consider if the action was truly out of your control and allow yourself to forgive.
• To help cultivate tolerance, a great cognitive and emotional tool could be writing a letter. Write a letter to your past self with a compassionate and loving tone. Remind your past self (inner critic) that you made mistakes. But you know you are not perfect, and that’s okay. Mistakes often offer valuable lessons. Remind yourself that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time.

Turn Guilt into Gratitude. Remember that you often learn from past mistakes, which can help you view the past in a more positive light. Practice gratitude for the lessons you’ve learned and accept that making mistakes is part of life. As a result, guilt and shame from the past will not prevent you from accepting yourself in the present. Write down the guilty thoughts and transform them into expressions of gratitude. For example:

• Negative thought/Inner critique: I hated my family when I was around 20. Now I feel ashamed of how I acted.
  • Gratitude expression: I am grateful that I have learned from this behavior at that age because it has been really helpful in raising my children.
• Negative thought/Inner critique: I caused the family to break apart because I couldn’t quit drinking.
  • Gratitude expression: I’m grateful that I can rebuild relationships and try again in the future.

Stay Close to Loving People. Spending time with people who undermine your worth can make it difficult to accept yourself. When others continuously criticize you, it’s hard to convince yourself that you have strengths. Instead, spend time with those who genuinely support and love you. They will encourage you to embrace your true self.

Visit a specialist doctor. A specialist can assist you in removing any obstacles preventing you from accepting yourself. They can help you delve deeper into your past to understand why you think the way you do about yourself. They may also suggest ways for you to communicate with yourself more positively, such as offering affirmations and other techniques to build self-esteem.

Set personal boundaries and communicate assertively with others. When interacting with people who tend to criticize or lack support, it's essential to establish boundaries with them. Have conversations that help them understand how their comments hurt and are unhelpful.

• For instance, if your boss constantly criticizes your work, you could say, “I feel I’m not getting enough support on this project. I want to do my best, but it’s hard to please you. Let’s find an effective solution that works for both of us.”