Buzz
Failing an exam can leave someone feeling deeply disappointed and ashamed. However, there are many ways you can offer support and encouragement to someone who didn’t pass! Help them process their emotions by reminding them that everyone experiences failure at some point, and one failed exam doesn’t define who they are. You can also assist them in finding ways to perform better next time. Encourage them to seek a tutor, help them create a new study environment, or share your own study strategies.
Steps
Help Them Cope with Failure
Remind them that everyone experiences failure at some point. Failing an exam can be particularly distressing for someone who has never failed before. Remind them that everyone goes through setbacks, even if they don’t openly talk about it. We’re all human, and failure is a universal experience!
- You could say something like, "Everyone fails at some point. Even some of the top students in this class have failed before. It happens to everyone, and you can overcome this."
Let them express themselves. Sometimes, they just need to vent their frustrations or complaints about the exam or class. That’s perfectly fine! Stay quiet, listen attentively, and allow them to share all their emotions about failing.
- Encourage them to tell you how they feel and let them talk to you for as long as they need. You could say something like, "Tell me how you’re feeling. I’m here to listen for as long as you need me."
Tell them this failure doesn’t define who they are. Many who fail exams think it means they’re inadequate in life. Remind them that it’s just one exam in one class. It doesn’t mean they’re a failure in life, nor does it mean they can’t succeed in the future.
- Say something like, "I know this might be hard to accept right now, but you’ll get through it. Failing this exam doesn’t mean you are a failure. It’s just a stumble on your journey."
Share positive examples. Right after failing, it’s easy for someone to think they’ll never succeed at anything. If you know someone who failed a similar test or exam but later succeeded, share their story! This can remind them that good things can still happen.
- For example, say, "Did you know everyone talks about Dũng, the top graduate from our school? He failed a test just like this one. And look at him now—he’s thriving!"
Suggest they take a break. After failing, some people feel they need to start studying again immediately. Instead, suggest they take some time off, even a full day to relax. Encourage them to go for a walk or focus on household chores. A break will be good for their mental health.
- You could say, "How about we go for a walk? You need to clear your mind and recharge a bit."
Don’t make fun of them. Failing an exam can be a devastating experience that leaves someone feeling down. Even if they seem okay, they might be hiding their true feelings. Don’t laugh at them for failing or compare their scores to yours.
Suggest Ways to Move Forward
Help them find new effective study methods. Find out how long they’ve been studying, whether they take regular notes in class, and if they’ve ever felt unprepared. Assist them in exploring study strategies on websites like Princeton Review and choosing ones they haven’t tried before. Adopting a new approach to learning can make a significant difference.
- Share your own effective study techniques. For example, if you always use flashcards, teach them how to organize their notes using this method.
Suggest they set a deadline for processing their emotions. It’s common to obsess over a failure for days or even weeks. Recommend they give themselves a specific timeframe—say, 24 hours—to react however they need. Once that time is up, they should focus on moving forward.
Help them create a new study space. Ask where they usually study. If it’s a noisy or distracting environment, assist them in setting up a new space. Choose a quiet corner in the house for a desk, or help them find a peaceful café.
Recommend a tutor. Some people need guidance on how to study or understand specific material, and that’s perfectly normal. Suggest to someone who failed that a tutor could help them improve their learning.
- You can recommend they explore tutoring services at their school or through companies like Sylvan Learning.
Dealing with a Serious Failure
Encourage them to contact their professor immediately. If failing a test jeopardizes their ability to advance or graduate, they need to speak with their instructor right away. Your friend might feel terrible discussing their failure, but it’s crucial to address the issue with their teacher as soon as possible to potentially change the outcome.
- For example, they could say, "Professor Sơn, I really need to meet with you to discuss the test I failed. I’m worried it might affect my chances of advancing or graduating."
Help them articulate their concerns clearly. Simply telling the professor, "You failed me, so I can’t graduate," won’t solve anything. Instead, role-play as the professor and let your friend practice presenting their case.
- They could say, "I’m really concerned about this grade because it might prevent me from graduating. I reviewed my notes and readings but couldn’t find material related to the test content."
- Or, "I feel I answered the essay question thoroughly. I highlighted three key points in my response, so I hope we can review and discuss the grade together."
Suggest they share any extenuating circumstances the professor might understand. If they suffered from migraines, a family crisis, or illness, they might not have been in the best condition to take the exam. They should share this information during the discussion about their failure.
- For instance, they could say, "I didn’t mention this on the exam day because I didn’t want to make excuses, but I was genuinely unwell, and I think it affected my performance."
Encourage them to ask the professor for a retake opportunity. Some instructors have strict policies about retakes, but if your friend demonstrates a serious issue, the professor might be sympathetic. They could request a retake or extra credit.
- For example, they could say, "Could I retake this test?" or "Is there any extra credit I can do to improve my grade? I’m really worried it will impact my ability to graduate."
Advise them to stay calm. In some cases, a low exam score can ruin someone’s entire school experience, leaving them feeling angry or tempted to say something rash to their professor. Encourage them to remain calm and polite throughout the meeting.
- Practicing the conversation they’ll have with their professor can help them stay composed. Take the initiative to role-play as the professor and let them vent their frustration even before the actual meeting.
Tips
- Be empathetic. The most effective way to support someone is to show understanding, care, and a willingness to help.
- Be patient. Some people will respond better to assistance and encouragement if you demonstrate respect and understanding.
Warnings
- Avoid getting angry. Try to suppress any frustration you might feel. Mentioning what you expect from others won’t help them and may erode their confidence, making the situation worse.
- Avoid being overbearing. Acting superior or adopting a condescending attitude without empathy will only provoke a negative reaction. In fact, it might make them rebel and give up just to spite you.
