How to Engage in Small Talk

Small talk is a fantastic way to initiate a conversation with someone you're not very familiar with. Such conversations provide opportunities to meet new people and build connections, and they can even benefit your professional life. With practice, you'll eventually feel comfortable engaging in small talk with anyone!

Show a Friendly Attitude. When you want someone to feel at ease, it’s best to have an “open demeanor” and face the person without being overly forward. Simply engage with eye contact, avoid crossing your arms, and turn your shoulders toward them. This posture signals to them that you’re fully attentive and not indifferent during the conversation. Maintain an appropriate distance from them.

• Put your phone away. There’s nothing more off-putting than speaking to someone who's glued to their phone.
• While it’s important to be enthusiastic during the conversation, don’t be too eager. Avoid leaning in too closely, as this can make the other person feel uncomfortable. Many people don’t like talking to someone who doesn’t respect personal space.

Greet with a friendly tone. When you meet someone you already know, simply greet them by saying their name: "Hello Linh, it's great to see you." Such greetings may be simple, but they still convey warmth and enthusiasm. If you're meeting someone new, introduce yourself first to feel more confident and take the lead in the conversation. You could say, "Hi, I'm Vy, what's your name?" Repeat the other person's name to make them feel special.

• Remember to smile and pay attention to the person when you greet them. Don't let them feel like you're only talking to them to pass time until your real friend arrives.

Keep the atmosphere light and positive. In addition to exchanging information, conversations are also about exchanging energy. To have a great chat with engaging small talk, aim to keep everything light, fun, and optimistic. If you're in a good mood, smile as soon as you meet the person, and laugh heartily about things that aren’t that bad—it'll make them want to continue the conversation with you, even if you're talking about something as trivial as your favorite breakfast pastry.

• Yes, it’s hard to keep everything light and cheerful when someone’s having a rough day or week. But remember, when having small talk, the person is not your close friend, so you should avoid talking about anything too negative; otherwise, you'll drive them away.

Start with a small compliment. A simple phrase like, "I love your shoes. Where did you buy them?" can spark an interesting conversation about shopping for shoes. Even if the compliment doesn’t lead anywhere, it can still lift the person's mood before you move on to other topics. You could even use this tactic early on as a way to introduce yourself.

Find common ground. The common ground here doesn’t necessarily have to be a shared passion for a particular field; it could be something as simple as both of you experiencing a week of terrible weather. Anything that relates to the other person and helps form a connection, no matter how small, can be considered common ground. You might not be fond of talking about the weather, but remember that such "small talk" can lead to deeper discussions later. Here are a few ways to find common ground:

• "Tuấn is so funny."
• "Phan Anh's party was the most fun."
• "Why does it keep raining like this?"
• "I often like to visit this coffee shop."

Share something about yourself. Once you've established common ground, you can build on it and share a little more personal information. You don't want to say anything too private or shocking, such as, "I've been dating teacher Tuấn for five years," but you can reveal a bit more about yourself. You can expand on the previous icebreakers like this:

• "I think you're the best teacher I've had so far. I chose to study literature partly because of you."
• "Actually, I met Phan Anh last year when Kim Chi took me to his New Year's Eve party."
• "The rain is really annoying. I'm training for a marathon, but I've had to do it on the treadmill for the past few days – it's awful."
• "I always feel at home when I come here. I think I could sit here all day working."

Engage the other person in the conversation. After finding common ground and revealing a bit about yourself, encourage the other person to share by asking them about themselves. Avoid overly personal topics like health, religion, or politics. Keep the conversation light and fun by asking open-ended questions about their interests, work, or the surroundings. You can draw the other person into the conversation with questions like:

• "What about you? Do you also study literature, or are you here to hear teacher Tuấn's exciting stories?"
• "Have you ever been to a party like this, or is this your first time? It’s a fun party, though I may have had too many cocktails."
• "What about you? Has the rain affected your plans this week?"
• "Are you here for work or just to read for fun?"

Keep the conversation going with a question or comment. You can continue the conversation with a question, comment, or joke depending on the other person's response. Bombarding them with questions will make them feel like they’re being interrogated, and continuously telling stories will leave no time for them to speak. Here are some ways to maintain the flow of conversation:

• Other person: "I also study literature. I’ve always liked it, but teacher Tuấn made me love it even more."
  • You: "Oh really? What are you planning to do with this field? It’s great to meet someone with the same interests as me."
• Other person: "I couldn’t make it back then, but last month I went to the Halloween party they organized. It was so much fun."
  • You: "That’s why you look so familiar! Are you close with Phan Anh? Is he as crazy as people say?"
• Other person: "I don’t mind rain too much, but with weather like this, I can’t take my dog for a walk. It’s such a hassle."
  • You: "You have a dog too? I have a poodle named Sao. Do you have any pictures of your dog?"
• Other person: "I just came here to read for fun. I didn’t expect I’d stay this long and forget my copy of 'Catcher in the Rye.'"
  • You: "I love that book! Some people think it’s overrated, but I don’t feel that way."

Pay attention to your surroundings. Once the conversation is going well with jokes from both sides, you should look around to find the next topic. You can pay attention to anything, from what the person is wearing or holding to signs on the wall that might relate to both of you. You can use comments like these:

• "You're wearing a shirt from a very popular football team. That team has been around for a long time, right? How long have you been a fan?"
• "Are you participating in the HCMC Marathon as well? What year is it? I have a shirt like yours, but I can’t remember where I put it."
• "How was the a cappella concert today? I’ve seen ads all around the campus, but I’m still debating whether to go or not."
• "Ah, 'American Scene.' That book taught me everything I needed to know about American history. Is this subject still as easy as it was back then?"

Take the time to listen. Truly listening to what the other person says can help you identify common ground, leading the conversation in a more interesting and effective direction. The other person might bring up comments that are closely related to your own topics or issues, so it's important to keep your ears open for any clues that might spark a new subject. Below are examples of how two people might catch subtle cues and steer the conversation toward a deeper connection:

• You: "Actually, I met Phan Anh during a trip abroad last summer. We went to Mexico with a group of friends."
• The other person: "Ah, he mentioned that trip! I helped him practice Spanish before the trip, though I think he didn't use it much – except for the phrase piña colada."
• You: "You know Spanish? Well, you could have helped me prepare for my course in Madrid. My Spanish is okay, but it would have been great to have someone tutor me!"
• The other person: "I love Madrid. My grandmother still lives there, so I visit her every summer. Every Sunday, she takes me to the Prado Museum."
• You: "Madrid is my favorite city! I’ve been dying to see El Greco’s paintings at the Prado."
• The other person: "You like El Greco? I’m more into Goya."
• You: "Oh really? Did you know there’s a new film about Goya coming out next week? Ethan Hawke’s in it! Want to go see it?"
• The other person: "Of course!"

Be open (but not too much). Near the end of the conversation, you can reveal a little more about yourself, even if it’s something small like your affection for your pet cat, your passion for yoga, or your thoughts on a newly released album by your favorite band. You want the other person to learn a bit about you before they leave, and this can help you connect on a deeper level, showing that you’re not just having casual small talk.

• It’s best not to dive into profound topics like the meaning of life, death, or past heartbreaks in social conversations. Only share deeply personal thoughts when the bond between you and the other person has grown deeper.

If things go well, you might consider meeting again. If you genuinely enjoy talking to the person, whether you're interested in dating or just making a friend, let them know you enjoyed the conversation and suggest meeting up again or ask for their phone number. You could also bring up a place both of you are interested in visiting. For example:

• "I’d love to go see that new movie with you. Can I have your number to discuss it later?"
• "I haven’t met anyone who likes The Bachelor as much as I do. My roommate and I watch it every week – can I get your number so I can send you the details?"
• "Can we meet up at Phan Anh’s next party? I heard everyone has to wear a really cool cloak – sounds like it’ll be fun!"

Say goodbye politely. When it’s time to leave, whether to go back to class or chat with someone else at the party, make sure the other person feels valued, and that you weren’t just talking to them out of politeness. Below are some ways to wrap up the conversation:

• "It was so nice talking to you. I’ll send you that Spanish rice recipe!"
• "I’d love to talk more about Spain, but I haven’t said hi to Quỳnh yet, and she’s probably leaving soon."
• "Oh, there’s my best friend Giang. Do you know her? Come on, I’ll introduce you to her."
• "I wish I could chat more, but my math class is about to start. I’ll definitely see you again soon."

• Once you begin a conversation about something, it will naturally flow from one topic to the next. The trickiest part is initiating the discussion.
• Feel free to relax, no one is watching you.
• Always have three jokes ready to tell anyone. (Ask yourself, 'Would I be able to tell these jokes to my mom/grandmother?')
• Always show respect.
• Be mindful of your breathing; make sure you're not breathing too fast, holding your breath, or gasping for air.
• Avoid gossiping; this is just a simple conversation.
• If you don't read or watch the news every day, at least skim through the headlines.
• Stay updated on current sports events, especially if the person you want to talk to is into sports.
• Practice chatting with delivery people, mail carriers, etc... If you feel nervous, just say 'hello.'
• If you feel at ease with someone, even an old, cheesy joke can make them smile when told with charm.
• Compliments are an effective way to open up more intimate communication, as long as they’re not too overused.

• Try to remember as much as you can of what the other person says. Especially when they emphasize something, make an effort to show interest and keep the conversation going on that topic.
• Don't pressure others into making small talk with you; some people are introverted, and many only engage in conversation at certain times and with specific people. Some might not be interested in talking about the weather, or want to know where you bought your shoes.