How to Enhance Self-Esteem

Be Mature in Thoughts and Beliefs. Strive to focus on positive, encouraging, and constructive thoughts. Remember that you are unique and worthy of love and respect from both others and yourself. Try the following strategies:

• Make hopeful statements. Be optimistic and avoid negative self-fulfilling prophecies. Bad things often happen when you expect them. For example, if you think your presentation will go poorly, it might indeed turn out that way. Instead, be optimistic. Tell yourself, 'Although there will be challenges, I can deliver a great presentation.'
• Focus on 'can' instead of 'should.' The word 'should' implies that you are obligated to do something, which can create pressure if you don't meet the expectation. Instead, focus on what you CAN do.
• Emphasize the positive. Think about the good things in your life. Remind yourself of the smooth events that have recently occurred. Reflect on the skills you've used to cope with difficult situations.
• Be your own cheerleader. Give yourself positive affirmations and recognize the things you’ve done. For instance, even if you haven’t completed all your workout plans as intended, you’re still going to the gym more frequently each week. Acknowledge the positive changes you’ve made. For example, 'My presentation might not have been perfect, but my colleagues asked questions and showed interest – I’ve achieved my goal.'

Set Goals and Expectations. Make a list of things you want to accomplish and create a plan to reach those goals. For example, you might decide to do more volunteer work, find a new hobby, or spend more time socializing with friends.

• Ensure that your goals and expectations are realistic. Putting in the effort is essential, but aiming for the impossible will not improve your self-esteem; it will only lower it. For instance, suddenly deciding to play professional hockey at the age of 40 is unrealistic and will hurt your self-esteem when you realize the goal is unattainable.
• Instead, set more achievable goals, like learning to play the guitar or starting a new sport. Setting reachable goals will help you end the negative thinking that can lower your self-esteem. Accomplishing goals brings a sense of satisfaction and gives you the strength to overcome feelings of inadequacy caused by unattainable ideal goals like being a perfect lover, perfect chef, or anything else that is perfect.
• You can also set goals that allow you to recognize and appreciate your abilities. For example, if you want to become more knowledgeable about the world, decide to read the news every day for a month. Or if you want to learn how to fix a bike, start teaching yourself how to tune a bicycle. Achieving these goals will make you feel stronger, more capable, and more satisfied with yourself.

Self-Care. Some people spend so much time worrying about and caring for others that they neglect their own physical and mental well-being. On the other hand, some individuals feel guilty, thinking it is pointless to spend time and effort on self-care. However, taking care of yourself can actually improve your self-esteem. The healthier you are, both physically and mentally, the more likely you are to feel satisfied with yourself. Note that self-care doesn't mean you need to be thin, fit, or perfect, but that you strive to be healthy in your own way. Here are some tips:

• Eat at least three meals a day with nutritious, wholesome foods like whole grains, poultry, fish, and fresh vegetables to fuel your body. Drink water to stay hydrated.
• Avoid processed foods, sugary snacks, and caffeinated drinks, as these can affect your mood and should be limited if you are concerned about mood swings or negative emotions.
• Exercise. Studies have shown that exercise can truly boost self-esteem. This is due to the release of 'feel-good' chemicals called endorphins. This sense of euphoria often comes with optimism and increased energy. Aim for at least 30 minutes of vigorous exercise three times a week. At the very least, try to walk briskly every day.
• Reduce stress. Make plans to manage stress in your daily life by taking time for relaxation and activities that bring you joy. Practice meditation, take a yoga class, garden, or engage in any activity that helps you feel calm and positive. Remember that stress can sometimes cause you to react impulsively or let negative emotions overwhelm you.

Reflect on Your Life and Achievements. Perhaps you have not properly recognized all that you have accomplished in life. Impress yourself, not others. Take time to reflect on your past successes, no matter how big or small. This not only helps you understand your own achievements but also provides a sense of place in the world and the value you bring to those around you.

• Grab a notebook or journal and spend 20-30 minutes. During this time, list all of your achievements. Remember to write down everything, from significant milestones to small, everyday accomplishments. Your list should include things like learning to drive, passing college exams, moving into your own apartment, making a good friend, cooking a delicious meal, receiving a diploma or award, landing your first 'grown-up' job, and other similar accomplishments. There are endless possibilities! Occasionally, revisit your list and add new achievements. You will see that you have much to be proud of.
• Look over old photos, yearbooks, mementos from travels, or consider creating a collage that tells the story of your life and achievements to commemorate the days gone by.

Engage in activities that excite you. Make time for something that brings you joy every day, whether it's cooking, reading, exercising, gardening, or simply spending an hour chatting with your partner. Don't feel guilty about taking this time for yourself; you deserve it. Remind yourself of this whenever necessary.

• Try new activities; you might discover talents and skills you never realized you had. For instance, you might start running and find out that you're great at long-distance running—something you'd never considered before. This can boost your self-esteem.
• Consider participating in artistic endeavors like painting, music, poetry, or dance. Engaging in the arts often helps individuals express themselves and gain a sense of mastery over a subject or skill. Many communities offer free or low-cost classes.

Help others. Studies have shown that people who volunteer often experience greater happiness and higher self-esteem. It may seem counterintuitive that helping others could lead to greater self-satisfaction, but research shows that the sense of social connection that comes from volunteering or aiding others boosts our own optimism.

• There are countless ways to help others. Volunteer at a nursing home or a homeless shelter. Join a local temple to assist the sick or impoverished. Contribute your time and effort to animal protection organizations. Help teach children or clean up a park during a community event.

Adjust your self-image if necessary. People are constantly evolving, and it's important to update your perception of yourself to align with the person you are now. Improving your self-esteem is futile if you don't have an accurate understanding of who you currently are. For instance, you may have been great at math as a child, but now you can only calculate your home’s area. Perhaps you were very religious at one point but no longer attend church, now holding different beliefs. Update your self-perception to reflect the current reality of your life. Don't expect yourself to still excel at math or to remain attached to past spiritual practices.

• Evaluate yourself based on the present moment, considering your current skills, interests, and beliefs, rather than relying on the “version” of yourself from the past.

Let go of the idea of perfection. Nobody is perfect. Let that be your new mantra. You will never have a perfect life, body, family, job, or anything else. Perfection is a manufactured concept perpetuated by society and the media. It's harmful, creating the illusion that perfection is attainable, when the reality is it's about not being good enough.

• Focus on effort instead of dreams and perfection. If you avoid trying something out of fear of not doing it perfectly, you’re missing out on opportunities. If you never try out for the basketball team, you'll certainly never make it. Don’t let the pressure of perfection block your progress.
• Accept that you are human, and being human means you're inherently imperfect and prone to making mistakes. Maybe you snapped at your kids or told a harmless lie at work. It's okay. People make mistakes. Instead of berating yourself for these errors, view them as opportunities to learn and grow—things you can correct in the future. Perhaps you’ll realize you need to think more before speaking, or that lying is never a good solution. Be kind to yourself and move forward. This isn’t easy, but it’s the key to breaking the cycle of self-pity and improving your self-esteem.

Identify the factors that diminish your self-esteem. Reflect on situations or circumstances that might make you feel dissatisfied with yourself. For many people, common triggers can include workplace meetings, presentations at school, personal issues in family or work, and significant life changes such as moving out, changing careers, or going through a breakup.

• It may also help to consider the people who contribute to your feelings of dissatisfaction. You cannot control the actions of others; you can only manage your own reactions and decide how much their behavior affects you. If someone is rude, petty, or disrespectful, recognize that they may be facing personal emotional struggles that are fueling their negative behavior. However, if their presence harms your self-esteem, it may be best to distance yourself or leave the space, especially if the person reacts negatively when you attempt to address their behavior.
• Although the opinions and ideas of others can influence your life, don’t tailor your life to their expectations. Listen to and accept what benefits you. You are the one in charge of your life—no one else can do that for you.

Avoid thoughts that erode your self-worth. For many of us, negative thoughts and beliefs can become so normalized that we assume they reflect reality. Try to recognize some of the key patterns that undermine your self-esteem:

• Turning positives into negatives – You downplay your achievements and positive experiences. For example, when you receive a promotion at work, instead of seeing it as a reward for your hard work, you undermine your abilities by thinking: "I only got promoted because I live in the same neighborhood as the boss."
• All-or-nothing thinking or binary thinking – In your mind, life and your actions are seen as either entirely good or entirely bad, with no middle ground. For instance, you didn’t get into the top prestigious school you dreamed of, but you were accepted to five other schools, yet you still feel like a failure because you didn’t get into Harvard. You view the situation as either completely good or completely bad.
• Filtering – You focus only on the negative aspects of situations, disregarding other factors. This often creates a distorted perception of people and situations. For example, if you make a typing error in a report, you may assume the entire report is worthless and that your boss now thinks you’re incompetent.
• Jumping to negative conclusions – You jump to the worst-case scenario, even when there is little or no evidence to support it. For example: "I sent my friend an invite half an hour ago and haven’t heard back—she must hate me."
• False sense of events – You assume that your feelings reflect a larger truth. For example: "I feel like a total failure, so I must be a total failure."
• Negative self-talk – You engage in negative self-talk, including self-criticism, insults, or demeaning remarks. For instance, if you’re five minutes late, you chastise yourself and call yourself "stupid."

Take a step back to reassess your thoughts. Repeating those negative thoughts over and over can eventually make them seem absurd or almost like someone else’s words. Think about it: if you repeat a word enough times, it starts to lose meaning (you can try this with the word "fork"). You might even try writing out your negative thoughts with your non-dominant hand to see how odd they appear. They may even seem unfamiliar, almost like they’re not your handwriting!

• These exercises can help create some distance between you and your thoughts, allowing you to observe them more objectively, almost like an outside observer. You will realize that negative thoughts and self-deprecation are merely words—and words can change.

Embrace all your thoughts – even the negative ones! While the common wisdom often suggests changing or fighting against negative thoughts or feelings, sometimes it only makes things worse when you realize that it's always easier said than done. Instead, accept those thoughts without necessarily engaging with them. Negative thoughts come and go, and they exist in your mind. They may not be accurate, but they still show up. You don't have to love them, but you must accept that they are present.

• Rather than trying to control negative thoughts, focus on minimizing their impact on you. Understand that these thoughts are counterproductive and make an effort not to let them deeply affect your self-worth and place in the world.

Place positive thoughts next to negative ones. Turn the negative things you think about yourself into positive ones.

• For example, if you often tell yourself you're unattractive, counter it by saying, "Today, I look great." If you believe you never get anything right, counter that with, "I've done many things well," and provide some examples. Consider tracking these positive thoughts by journaling. Read your journal before going to bed and when you wake up.
• Write these positive affirmations on sticky notes and place them where you'll see them often, like on the bathroom mirror. This reinforces these affirmations and embeds them in your mind. Over time, these positive thoughts may replace the negative ones.

Stop comparing. Comparing yourself to others often results in lowered self-esteem. Your friend wins a scholarship, but you don't. Your sister finds a job right after graduation, while you're still looking. A coworker has 500 friends on Facebook, while you only have 200. The more you compare yourself to others, the more you feel inadequate. These comparisons are misleading because they assume all circumstances are the same. Maybe your sister landed her job through an internship program with plenty of opportunities. Or your coworker has a lot of "friends" on Facebook because he connects with anyone he meets. Yes, your friend won the scholarship, but maybe his parents weren't able to support him, and he had to work 20 hours a week during school.

• Focus on yourself. Compete with your own progress. Challenge yourself to move forward. Want to win a scholarship? Challenge yourself to make it happen next year, but you'll need to dedicate extra time studying outside of class. Remember, you can only control your own actions, so that's where your focus should lie.