Buzz
In a healthy, thriving relationship, both partners make equal contributions. If your boyfriend demands more from you than he’s willing to offer in return, he might be taking you for granted. Fortunately, there are numerous ways to prevent this from occurring. We’ll explore various actions and words you can use around your boyfriend to foster a balanced relationship where both of you feel appreciated.
Steps
Do things for him out of genuine desire.
Your boyfriend shouldn’t take it for granted that you’ll do things for him. When you do something for your boyfriend, ensure it’s because you genuinely want to, not just to receive acknowledgment or because he expects it. Take a moment to consider whether it’s something you’re willing to do without expecting anything in return.
- For instance, it’s perfectly fine to prepare lunch for your guy if it’s something you enjoy doing. However, if he demands it or gets upset when you don’t, he may be taking your efforts for granted.
Learn to say no to things you’re not comfortable with.
Don’t agree to things just to make him happy. If your boyfriend asks you to do something that doesn’t appeal to you, don’t simply say yes out of a desire to please him. Stand firm and say “no,” and don’t feel the need to provide a lengthy explanation if you don’t want to. Being honest and straightforward will let him know that you won’t let him take advantage of you.
- If needed, try finding a compromise where both of you can get something you desire. For example, if he wants to go to a party but you'd prefer staying home, you could agree to attend the party for a few hours before returning home for the rest of the evening.
Prioritize your own emotions.
Focusing solely on his feelings can cloud your own decision-making. It’s easy to become absorbed in how others are feeling, but it makes it harder to identify what you truly want. Instead of constantly checking on your boyfriend’s emotions, take a moment to assess your own feelings and recognize what you need emotionally.
Be open in your communication.
Make time for a brief daily conversation. Keeping communication open fosters a healthier relationship. Avoid distractions like eating or leaving the TV on while you talk, as it makes it difficult to truly connect. Take a few minutes each day to discuss your day, your emotions, and anything on your mind so that both of you feel more connected and appreciated.
- If you don’t live together, try scheduling a quick phone call when you’re both available to catch up and chat.
Share your needs with him.
It’s perfectly fine to express what you want from your relationship. Your needs matter just as much as your boyfriend’s, so give them equal attention in the relationship. Create a list of things you need to feel valued and fulfilled, and then have a discussion with your boyfriend about each item to ensure he understands.
- For instance, you might say, “I need to feel supported and appreciated in this relationship. Can you encourage me more throughout the day?”
- Or, you could say, “I would love more intimate moments between us during the week.”
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH US
How do you believe is the best way to communicate your needs to your boyfriend?
121 total votes
This feature is coming soon! Thanks for your interest.
Thank you for participating in our poll!
Take the QuizExplore More QuizzesEstablish personal boundaries.
Make your limits clear from the start to prevent him from overstepping them. Write down the things you won’t tolerate or discuss to make your boundaries obvious. Have a conversation with your boyfriend about everything that crosses the line for you. If he tests your boundaries, be firm and assertive in addressing it right away so he doesn’t do it again.
- For instance, you might say, “I won’t tolerate being ignored the entire evening when we’re spending time with your friends.”
- Alternatively, you could say, “I want to make major life decisions independently, but I will reach out for help when needed.”
Speak up when something he does upsets you.
Addressing the issue right away stops it from happening again. Although it may be tempting to overlook small issues, allowing them to slide can lead him to think he can keep doing them. If something he does bothers you, speak up immediately, explain what upset you, and work together to find solutions and ways he can improve.
- For instance, you could say, “I felt hurt when you didn’t thank me for the gift I gave you, especially since I put so much thought into it. I would really appreciate more gratitude going forward.”
Honor the plans you’ve made with friends and family.
Canceling plans to always be with him may lead to him expecting it. If you often cancel plans just to be with your boyfriend, he may think you don’t have other priorities. If you’ve made commitments or have enjoyable plans, stick to them, and let him know your time is valuable.
- For example, you could say, “I’m spending Friday night with my friends, but I’d love to meet up for lunch on Sunday.”
EXPERT ADVICE
John Keegan
Relationship Expert
Relationship Expert
Maintaining a healthy social balance is key to any relationship. While spending quality time with your boyfriend is essential, it’s equally important to nurture friendships. Both you and your boyfriend should be able to strike a balance that feels right for both of you.
Make time for yourself.
Give him space to miss you, which will help him appreciate your time together more. If something your boyfriend says rubs you the wrong way or crosses a boundary, take some time to do something you enjoy on your own. Whether it’s grabbing a drink, starting a book you’ve been eager to read, or enjoying a relaxing spa night, use this time to unwind. Don’t feel the need to message him while you’re doing it.
- This way, he’ll understand that you won’t tolerate poor treatment and may adjust his behavior accordingly.
Enhance your self-confidence.
By recognizing your own worth, you won’t need to rely solely on your boyfriend for validation. While it’s wonderful when your boyfriend compliments you, it shouldn’t be the only source of your self-esteem. Take note of the qualities you love about yourself—your unique traits, talents, and the positive impact you have on others. Use positive self-talk to improve your self-perception and boost your confidence.
- Forgive yourself for past mistakes so you can release guilt and regret, helping you move forward.
- Another way to boost your internal validation is by listing your positive qualities, though it may not work for everyone.
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 315 Mytour readers, and only 10% prefer reflecting on their accomplishments and positive traits to reaffirm their self-worth. [Take Poll]
Walk away if he disregards your needs.
Leaving allows him to reflect on how he can improve. If your boyfriend fails to respect your boundaries or appreciate you, give yourself permission to walk away. While this might seem like a bold move, remember that you have immense value, and you don’t need to stay with someone who doesn’t recognize that. Even a brief break can help him realize the importance of giving more to the relationship and not taking you for granted.
- Keep in mind that no one can take you for granted unless you let them. If you continue in a relationship without making changes, their behavior will persist.
-
It’s important to show empathy and do things for others, but always prioritize your own needs so you don’t sacrifice them for someone else.
-
Make an effort to appreciate each other daily so both of you recognize the contributions you bring to the relationship.
