Buzz
Escaping an abusive relationship can feel like an impossible task when financial resources are scarce, but you have the strength to break free and gain financial independence. Your abuser may have told you that surviving on your own is unfeasible in an attempt to keep control over you. Don’t let them trap you! You deserve more, and you have the resilience to tackle both emotional and financial barriers to escape. Always remember that you're not alone; there's support available, and numerous resources can assist you during this journey.
Process
Seeking Help and Guidance
Contact emergency services if you are in immediate danger. Get help right away if your abuser has been violent or threatened harm. Find a secure room or area until authorities arrive. Once they are there, explain the situation and request the officer’s name and badge number.
- The officer will create an incident report. You can get a copy from the police station or check if it's available online.
- If you're injured, seek medical attention and request documentation of your injuries. Photographs along with police and medical reports will be valuable when seeking a protective order, terminating a lease, or proving your abuser's guilt in a legal case.
Reach out to a domestic violence helpline for guidance on leaving. When you contact them, a trained advocate will check if you're in a safe space to talk. They’ll ask about your situation and answer any questions regarding how to leave your abuser. If you're worried about money, they can offer advice on securing funds discreetly and direct you to local resources for domestic abuse survivors.
- If you're in the United States, call 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
- For an international directory, visit https://www.hotpeachpages.net/a/countries.html.
Locate a nearby shelter for domestic abuse survivors. If you’ve called a helpline, they can connect you with a nearby shelter. Alternatively, you can look for one online. Shelters offer a temporary refuge, but they can provide safety and assist you in getting back on your feet.
- If you're worried your abuser monitors your phone and internet activity, be sure to erase shelter and helpline numbers, as well as your online searches, from your call log and browsing history.
Discuss creating a safety plan with your trusted family and friends. Before leaving your abuser, talk to your support network. Share your circumstances with close friends or family members, and ask for their assistance. You may need a place to stay, help with transportation, or other essentials.
- Don't be afraid or hesitant to ask for help. Leaving an abusive relationship is challenging, and it’s a heavy burden for one person to carry. Whether you rely on loved ones or organizations, you are not alone.
- If your family or friends live far away, you can still stay in a shelter. They can help you form a safety plan and connect you with job programs, affordable childcare, and other helpful services.
Request a restraining order if you're concerned about your safety. Go to your local courthouse and ask the clerk for the necessary forms to file for a restraining order. They will guide you through the paperwork process, and you will later attend a court hearing to finalize the order.
- Consider asking a friend or family member to accompany you to the courthouse for emotional support.
- You don't need an attorney to file for a restraining order, and there’s no cost involved.
- Bring any documentation of the abuse to the hearing, such as photographs or police and medical records.
Consider counseling after escaping an abusive situation. Enduring abuse and leaving an abusive partner can be traumatic experiences. Recovery takes time, and seeking a counselor or therapist can provide support during the healing process.
- Joining a support group for abuse survivors may also be beneficial. It can be comforting to know you’re not alone and that others have navigated similar struggles.
Accessing Financial Empowerment Resources
Inquire at a local shelter about housing assistance and childcare options. State and federal programs can support you in securing affordable housing and, if necessary, childcare. You might also receive help for groceries, clothing, and other essential needs. Speak with a local domestic violence shelter or advocacy group to explore available options.
- Application processes for assistance vary by location; a shelter or advocacy group can guide you through the steps.
- Before leaving, try to gather important documents, such as your ID, Social Security card, bank account details, and your children’s birth certificates. These will be needed when you apply for public assistance.
Locate free financial education resources for abuse survivors. Managing finances can be daunting, but try not to feel overwhelmed. Many domestic violence advocacy organizations offer free financial literacy classes for survivors. Contact a shelter or search online for workshops, classes, and personal finance courses.
- Abusers often use finances as a control mechanism, and you might not have experience with budgeting, paying bills, or building credit. Since these challenges are common for abuse survivors, there are plenty of resources available to help you.
Receive career guidance from a local shelter or support organization. Many shelters and advocacy groups offer job placement services for survivors. Career counselors can assist you in creating a resume and help you search for job openings. Your friends and family can also provide support by helping you apply for jobs and find employment.
- If you haven’t worked recently or don’t have a job yet, the process may seem overwhelming. Stay positive, and take one step at a time.
- Reflect on past job experiences and identify your skills. Look for job listings related to your abilities, and ask your network for job leads. Securing an income is a key step toward financial independence, so consider all opportunities.
- If the first job you secure doesn’t meet your long-term goals, remember that your priority is meeting your immediate needs. More options will come as you build your stability.
Explore grant opportunities to help survivors regain independence. Various grant programs are available to cover expenses such as rent, childcare, education, a vehicle, food, utilities, and personal care items. The application process typically involves submitting financial information, detailing your expenses, and explaining your situation. Look for grants online, ask domestic violence organizations about local programs, or explore these resources:
- Break the Silence’s Grants for Hope program: https://breakthesilencedv.org/.
- Modest Needs: https://www.modestneeds.org.
- Women’s Independence Scholarship Program: http://wispinc.org.
Achieving Financial Independence
Remind yourself that you have the ability to achieve independence. Your abuser may have convinced you that you are incapable of finding work or managing your finances. Don’t allow them to strip away your confidence. You are intelligent, deserving, and skilled.
- Being without money is terrifying, and it’s one of the primary reasons why abuse victims stay in harmful situations. But remember, you are not alone, and your safety matters. You have a support network, and there are numerous resources available to help you escape.
Store a financial reserve with a trusted person, if you can. If your abusive partner regularly provides you with money, such as for groceries, try to discreetly save a portion. Set aside as much as possible without them finding out. Store this money with a trusted friend or in a safety deposit box that your abuser cannot access.
- For example, if they give you $100 for shopping, try to save $10 or more for your emergency fund. If they don’t hand you cash, you can try to get small amounts of cash back during debit card transactions.
Keep records of the abuse, especially if you need to break a lease. If you are renting, photographs, incident reports, and other evidence can assist you in avoiding severe financial penalties when breaking a lease. Laws vary by location, but you may have the legal right to break the lease if your safety is at risk.
- In the U.S., refer to your state’s housing laws regarding domestic violence at https://www.womenslaw.org/.
- It may also be helpful to discuss the situation with your landlord. They may be understanding and prefer to avoid the violence and potential property damage.
Open your own bank and credit accounts. Once it’s safe to do so, establish accounts in your name that your abuser cannot access. Ensure that statements are sent to a trusted loved one’s address or a secure email account.
- If needed, make changes to any insurance or retirement accounts where your abuser is listed as a beneficiary.
- If your abuser shares joint accounts with you, both parties may need to be present for any changes. Domestic violence shelters or advocacy groups can connect you with a lawyer to assist in these matters.
Develop a household budget. Add up all your essential expenses like rent, utilities, phone bills, car payments, insurance, gas, and groceries. Eliminate anything that’s not absolutely necessary.
- Compare your income with your expenses. If you’re still looking for a job, your budget will give you a clearer picture of how much you need to stay afloat.
- Seeing your expenses listed can be overwhelming, and you might feel anxious about making ends meet. You can do this! Staying in a shelter or with a loved one and receiving financial assistance can reduce your costs while you look for steady employment.
Ask a trusted person to co-sign a lease for you if needed. Finding a rental place is tough without credit or with poor credit. See if a trusted friend or family member would be willing to co-sign a lease or share a rental with you. Having a roommate can also help reduce living expenses.
- Be aware that if you fail to pay rent, your co-signer will be financially responsible.
Start rebuilding your credit slowly. Many survivors say that poor or no credit is the biggest financial obstacle they face after escaping an abusive relationship. Rebuilding credit is a process, but it is possible. Pay your rent on time, set up automatic bill payments, and consider getting a secured credit card.
- Secured credit cards require a deposit of $200 to $300. They work like regular credit cards and help rebuild your credit, while minimizing risk for the bank. Just ensure you make purchases you can afford to pay off on time.
- If you have credit accounts, keep them open and active. For example, canceling a credit card with a high limit can harm your credit score if it lowers your available credit-to-debt ratio.
- Ask a reliable friend or family member with good credit to add you as an authorized user on their credit card. You don’t have to make purchases, but being on the account can help improve your credit score.
- If you’re in debt, try to pay the minimum amount on all accounts, while focusing extra payments on the smallest balance. Once that’s cleared, move to the next smallest, continuing until all your debts are paid off.
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Take it step by step. Escaping danger, searching for a job, finding housing, opening bank accounts, and accessing resources can be overwhelming. Break down big tasks into smaller, manageable ones when things feel too much to handle.
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Leaving an abusive relationship takes a toll emotionally, physically, and mentally, and it’s a process that requires time to heal. It may be helpful to see a therapist or join a support group for survivors.
Warnings
- If you're in immediate danger, call emergency services as soon as it's safe for you to do so. If you think your abuser will react aggressively when you try to leave, choose a time when they are not home or inform the police about your situation in advance.
