How to Evaluate Someone's Trustworthiness

Observe their eye movements. Many believe that eye direction reveals whether someone is lying: looking up to the right indicates truth, while up to the left signifies a lie. However, research has not confirmed this theory. Maintaining eye contact doesn’t always indicate honesty, and liars don’t always avoid eye contact. Instead, focus on the person's pupils—those who are dishonest often have dilated pupils, signaling tension and focus.

• Both liars and trustworthy individuals might look away when asked tough questions, as it requires thought. Liars tend to glance away quickly, while truthful people often take a little longer to gather their thoughts.
• Although eye contact alone doesn’t determine trustworthiness, individuals who maintain good eye contact may be more open and effective communicators, indicating comfort with vulnerability.

Pay attention to their body language. One key way to gauge whether someone is trustworthy is by observing how they carry themselves and their body language. That said, it's important to interpret body language with care—many signals indicate nervousness or tension, which could be signs of discomfort rather than deception.

• Generally, trustworthy individuals exhibit open body language, standing with their hands at their sides and facing you directly. If a person crosses their arms, slouches, or turns away from you while talking, these may be signs that they feel uncertain or disengaged, and may even be hiding something.
• If their body language appears rigid or tense, proceed with caution. They may be nervous, but studies show that people tend to show physical tension when they’re being dishonest.
• People who are lying might press their lips tightly together when confronted with a sensitive topic. They may also fidget with their hair, adjust their nails, or make self-directed gestures.

Notice how they keep their promises. Trustworthy individuals typically make a point of showing up on time, whether it's for work, a meeting, or a date, as a way of respecting others' time. If someone is consistently late without informing you or doesn't show up at all, this might signal that they’re not reliable when it comes to fulfilling their commitments.

• Additionally, if they frequently cancel plans or change meeting times without any prior notice, it suggests they may not value other people's time as they should. In a professional context, this is not only untrustworthy but also unprofessional. Among friends, regularly backing out of plans may indicate that they don't place much value on your time and might not be someone you can depend on.

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Observe how they handle tough or thought-provoking questions. In situations like a job interview, you might want to present a challenging or tough question to gauge how the person responds. These questions don't have to be confrontational but should be open-ended, requiring deep thought and critical analysis. Always provide the individual with the space to answer your inquiries clearly and honestly.

• For instance, ask about their biggest challenges in their previous position or inquire whether they had difficulties meeting expectations in their prior role. While they may take a moment to respond, pay attention if they avoid answering or shift the topic. This could suggest they are withholding information or are hesitant to reflect critically on their past role.

Pose open-ended personal questions. Open-ended questions encourage people to elaborate more fully. Phrases like “Could you elaborate on...?” or “What’s your experience with...?” work well. If you suspect dishonesty, start with broad questions and gradually narrow down to specifics. Look for contradictions in the details. It’s difficult for individuals to keep their stories consistent, particularly as the conversation becomes more complex.

• People who are being dishonest often redirect the conversation back to you. If, after several exchanges, you feel you still don't know much about them or that you’re sharing more about yourself than they are, this could be a red flag.

Pay attention to their speaking style. Studies indicate that individuals who lie tend to exhibit certain verbal habits. It's important to focus not just on the content of what they say but on how they deliver it. Some signs to look for include:

• Fewer first-person pronouns. Liars tend to avoid using “I” because they want to distance themselves from their actions or avoid taking responsibility.
• Negative emotion words. People who are less truthful often experience anxiety and guilt, reflected in their speech, which may include words like “hate,” “worthless,” or “sad.”
• Less use of exclusionary words. Terms like “except,” “but,” or “nor” are typically used to differentiate what happened from what didn’t. Liars often struggle with this level of detail and use these words less frequently.
• Lack of detail. Those who lie may provide less information than usual or offer unnecessary justifications for their responses even when not prompted to do so.

Seek out mutual engagement. Trustworthy individuals tend to value mutual respect and collaboration in communication. If you find yourself constantly asking for essential information, chasing after personal revelations, or struggling to get assistance when needed, it could indicate you're dealing with someone who isn’t trustworthy.

Pay attention to the speed of their progress. Rushing into a relationship too quickly can be a red flag for someone with potentially harmful intentions. If they pressure you for swift commitments, continuously shower you with excessive compliments, or attempt to isolate you from your friends and family to make you dependent on them, these are clear signs of a person who may not be trustworthy.

Observe how they treat others. Untrustworthy individuals may sometimes go out of their way to make a good impression on you, and things might seem perfectly fine between the two of you. However, keeping up such a façade is exhausting, and it often breaks down. Pay attention to how they behave around others. Do they talk negatively about coworkers behind their backs? Are they rude to service workers? Do they lose their temper with others? These behaviors often point to someone untrustworthy.

Look at their social media presence. It's tough to maintain a dishonest front when social media is such a large part of our lives. Studies suggest that social media profiles, such as on Facebook, tend to reveal a person’s true self more than the image they try to portray in person. If you have concerns about a person’s trustworthiness, check their social media accounts to see if they match the image they’ve presented to you.

• Research indicates that most people tell “white lies” on social media, especially on dating platforms. These are usually small embellishments meant to make them appear more attractive, like exaggerating their height or downplaying their age or income. While people are more inclined to lie when seeking a partner, major falsehoods are rarer.

Request at least three references. If you’re considering someone for a job or any other position, it's crucial to ask for at least three references: two professional and one personal.

• If the person hesitates or refuses to provide references, this could be a warning sign. A trustworthy candidate is typically eager to offer references, confident that they will speak positively about them.
• Be cautious if the person offers references from close family members, a spouse, or close friends. The most valuable personal references are those from people who know the candidate both personally and professionally and can offer objective insights into their character.

Request personal testimonials from their references. After gathering their references, make sure to reach out to each individual and ask fundamental questions to gain insight into the candidate’s character. These questions could include details like how the reference knows the candidate, both professionally and personally, and the length of their relationship. Additionally, you might ask why they would recommend the candidate for the role and any specific examples that highlight why the candidate is suitable.

• Pay attention to any negative remarks or red flags raised by the reference about the candidate's trustworthiness. If you hear anything concerning, it’s worth discussing with the candidate, allowing them the opportunity to clarify the situation, especially if you are considering hiring them.

Ask for additional personal details, such as a background check or a list of prior employers. If you still have doubts about the person’s character, you can ask for more in-depth personal information, like a background check or a list of their previous employers. Generally, someone with a clean history won’t be opposed to a background check, as they have nothing to hide.

• The list of previous employers, along with their contact details, can reassure you that the individual has nothing to conceal about their work history and is open to having former employers speak on their behalf.
• If you’re dealing with someone you met in a social setting and have serious concerns, you can often conduct private background checks online for additional peace of mind.