Buzz
Even after securing a relationship, some individuals may still feel uneasy around their boyfriends. This is especially common among those who have never dated before, those who don't date often, or those who have had negative experiences in past relationships. The key to feeling more at ease around your boyfriend lies in getting to know him better and adjusting to the relationship. There are several steps you can take to feel more comfortable.
Steps
Identifying the Root of Your Discomfort
Reflect on the moments when you feel uneasy around your boyfriend. It may help to write these instances down to spot any recurring patterns.
- Do you feel uncomfortable when it’s just the two of you?
- Do you feel uneasy when you’re with others? If so, who are these people? Friends? Parents? Siblings?
- Is it difficult when you spend time together or have a date at home?
- Do you feel awkward when there’s physical contact?
- Does discussing certain topics, like politics, make you uncomfortable?
Identify the specific factors that make you feel uncomfortable during those moments. Once you’ve recognized a pattern of situations that make you feel uneasy around your boyfriend, try to understand what exactly about those moments causes your discomfort.
- Was it the fact that the two of you were alone and conversation stalled?
- Did the idea of being alone together make you anxious about what might happen next?
- Are you worried that your parents, siblings, or friends don’t approve of your boyfriend?
- Does it bother you how your boyfriend acts when other people are around, such as showing off or bragging?
- Do you feel uneasy about physical intimacy, like holding hands, hugging, or kissing?
- Do conversations about sensitive topics like religion or politics make you uncomfortable? If so, what makes them uncomfortable for you? Do you disagree with his views? Are you non-confrontational? Do you avoid arguments?
- Do you feel unsafe with your boyfriend?
- Do you have trust issues due to past infidelities or lack of commitment?
Make a plan to address the discomfort. Once you understand the reasons behind your discomfort around your boyfriend, it’s time to take action. Create a strategy to resolve the issue.
- Tell him that you’re feeling nervous and uncomfortable. He may feel the same way, and discussing it openly can help both of you feel more at ease.
- Spend more time learning about each other.
- Talk to him about how he acts when other people are around. Let him know that you like him for who he is, and that being himself will help others like him too.
- Let him know which topics make you uncomfortable and explain why.
- Suggest going out on more public dates rather than staying at home.
- Let him know that you’re taking things slowly and are not yet ready for a lot of physical intimacy.
- If your boyfriend makes you feel unsafe, consider whether you need to end the relationship.
Be Your True Self with Your Boyfriend
Let your true personality shine and allow yourself to be open. Some people think they need to act differently to gain someone's affection or remain guarded to protect themselves. However, this only tricks the other person into believing you’re someone you’re not, preventing them from truly getting to know you. Let your guard down and show your boyfriend the real you.
- Share your genuine interests, hobbies, and sense of humor with him. Let him know what kind of music you enjoy and be yourself in front of him.
- Open up about your dreams, hopes, and fears to practice vulnerability with him.
- Don’t apologize for who you are! If your boyfriend doesn’t understand or appreciate your true self, he may not be the right person for you.
Show your creativity. Everyone has their own unique form of creativity, even if some people think they’re not creative. If expressing yourself verbally is difficult, another way to become more comfortable around your boyfriend is through creative expression.
- Share your artwork, songs, poetry, or other creations with him.
- If you’re into technology, you could tell him about a video game, app, or website you’re designing.
Embrace confidence in your appearance. This is especially challenging for many girls. There's often the pressure to look flawless when you're around your boyfriend. However, showing confidence, even on days when you don't feel perfect, will help you relax and be more at ease around him.
- If you’re a girl, don’t hesitate to spend time with him without makeup. In fact, many boys and men prefer the natural look over makeup.
- Choose clothes that make you feel comfortable. You don’t always need to dress up to impress; wearing jeans, a t-shirt, or even sweatpants when you’re chilling at home is completely fine.
Develop a friendship with your boyfriend. One of the key foundations of any healthy relationship is friendship. The most successful couples are also good friends, so if you weren’t friends before dating, work on building that bond with him.
- When you first start dating someone, it can be tempting to act differently than you do around your friends. However, showing him the version of you that your friends see will help you feel more comfortable with him faster.
Building a Strong Connection with Your Boyfriend
Make an effort to spend more quality time together. To feel more at ease around him, it’s important to invest time in each other. Plan activities together in environments where you feel comfortable, whether it’s just the two of you or with a group of friends.
Ask him meaningful questions about himself that you’re willing to answer as well. If you and your boyfriend weren’t friends before you started dating, there’s likely a lot you still don’t know about each other. Take time to learn more about him and let him get to know you too. Make sure you're open to answering the questions you ask.
- “What is your favorite childhood memory?”
- “Tell me about your family.”
- “What’s your favorite thing about your family?”
- “What kind of music do you love?”
- “How do you unwind when you’re feeling stressed?”
- “If money were no object, what would you do with your life? Why?”
- “Where would you go if you could take a vacation anywhere in the world? Why?”
- “Have you done much traveling? Where have you been?”
- “What’s your favorite hobby?”
Respond truthfully to his questions about you. A possible reason you feel nervous around him could be that you are still trying to maintain a certain image. When he asks about you, make sure to answer sincerely. This will not only foster trust, but also allow you to express your true self, enabling him to appreciate you for who you really are.
- Building a relationship on dishonesty and secrecy is never a good idea. Consider how you would feel if you discovered that he lied to you about himself.
Engage in activities that match your shared interests. Planning dates based on mutual interests will make both of you feel more comfortable. Discuss with your boyfriend the kinds of activities you both enjoy, and plan dates around them.
- Catch a movie you both like.
- Attend a concert for a band or artist you both enjoy.
- Play a board or video game that you both find fun.
- Join a group date with friends you both know.
Giving Your Relationship Time to Grow
Give your feelings for him the time they need to develop. Unless you were already good friends before dating, it might take time for your feelings to truly grow for your boyfriend.
- It’s rare to fall in love instantly. “Love at first sight” doesn’t apply to most relationships. While you should not date someone you don’t have feelings for, don’t expect to immediately feel at ease or in love at the beginning of the relationship.
Think about what brought you and your boyfriend together. Was it a common passion or interest? Perhaps a shared hobby? Explore this interest further together and look for new activities you both enjoy to help deepen your bond.
- For example, maybe you met your boyfriend at a comic convention and discovered you both love anime. Watch new anime shows together and discuss them to strengthen your connection.
- Or perhaps you met at a concert and realized you share a similar taste in music. Attend another concert together or listen to a new album from your favorite band.
Give him space to make changes. If you've found that your discomfort stems from your boyfriend's behavior, allow him some time to change.
- Some individuals may not be open to altering their behavior or personality. If this happens with your boyfriend, you’ll need to decide if you can continue tolerating the behaviors that make you uncomfortable.
- He may have been acting in a way he thought would please you, like showing off in front of others. Once he realizes that you'd prefer he didn’t do that, he will likely want to change in order to make you happy.
Put your trust in your boyfriend. Building trust is a gradual process, but it helps to start with the principle of “innocent until proven guilty.” Trust him until he gives you a reason not to.
- If you’ve been hurt emotionally in past relationships where your trust was betrayed, it might be hard to trust again. But remember, your new boyfriend is not responsible for what happened before, and he deserves your trust until he proves otherwise.
- As you begin trusting him, you'll naturally feel more at ease around him. He will also feel more comfortable, knowing he has earned your trust, which strengthens the relationship.
Relish the process of getting to know him and nurturing your relationship. While some couples experience fewer challenges, no relationship is flawless. It will take time for the two of you to figure things out and learn how to best make each other happy.
- In many cases, becoming comfortable with your boyfriend simply takes time. The more time you spend with him and the more you learn about each other, the easier it will be to feel at ease.
- Being in a relationship is a fun, exciting journey. When you genuinely like and care about someone, investing in the relationship by working to improve it will naturally make you more comfortable within it.
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Opening up to your boyfriend and feeling comfortable around him is entirely up to you. Don’t be afraid of the feelings he has for you; this is his way of showing that he wants to open up to you as well.
Important Notes
- Never remain in a relationship with someone who pressures you into doing things that make you uncomfortable, such as using drugs or engaging in sexual activity. This could lead to an unsafe and potentially harmful situation for you.
