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A mentor is often a teacher or volunteer who guides you in your career, at school, or in other areas of life. Sometimes, it’s a formal relationship assigned between a professor and a new student, while other times, it’s a more personal bond, such as a friendship with someone accomplished. Although the exact nature of a mentoring relationship depends on your own evaluation, this article will help you identify potential mentors and define that relationship for yourself. Keep reading to start your search.
Steps
Choose the type of mentorship
Understand the role of a mentor. An effective mentor will help you learn a lot, but they won’t do the work for you. A mentor serves as a role model. For example, an academic mentor will provide you with methods, advice, and effective examples to guide you toward smart strategies for success, but they won’t help you rewrite your history essay when the deadline is approaching. This is the difference between a tutor and a mentor. A good mentor will:
- Assess your strengths and weaknesses
- Help you understand the structure and organization of tasks
- Introduce new perspectives and correct misconceptions
- Enhance your ability to make independent decisions
- Familiarize you with business strategies
- Provide access to important resources and useful materials
If you need to find an academic mentor. This type of mentorship often involves in-person meetings with someone who excels in the subject you’re studying, has the time to mentor you, and cares about your academic success. Consider the following individuals:
- Professors, instructors, and other educators
- Experienced or older students
- Siblings or family members
If you’re looking for a sports or recreational mentor. Think about individuals who excel in the sport you want to develop in. While athletic ability is important for a sports mentor, also consider the personal aspect of the relationship. A good soccer mentor, for example, should be a skilled and intelligent athlete as well as a well-rounded individual. Consider:
- Coaches and assistants
- Experienced players on your team or others
- Professional or retired athletes
- Trainers
If you need a business mentor. Business and career mentors should be successful professionals in the field you want to enter, individuals who can offer you valuable insights. These insights could range from stock trading to guitar playing. Think about people who are successfully doing what you aspire to do. Consider:
- Colleagues and close contacts in your company
- Former bosses, but not your current supervisor
- Individuals with a strong professional reputation
If you need a personal mentor. Build a relationship with someone you admire not just for their achievements but also for who they are and how they live. Think about people you want to emulate, for no particular reason. A personal mentor could be:
- A neighbor
- Your favorite bartender
- Your personal style icon
- Someone from your church
- The guy or girl at the record store
- A member of a social club you’re part of
Consider different forms of communication. A mentor could be a neighbor or classmate you admire, but it could also be someone you’ve never met. Rainer Maria Rilke’s famous book Letters to a Young Poet documents the correspondence between the renowned poet (Rilke) and a young student who sent him poems seeking advice. Consider:
- Successful individuals you’ve read about and feel connected to
- Influential people accessible through the internet
- Anyone who fits the mentor criteria but whom you don’t know personally
Finding a Mentor
Decide on the specific role you want your mentor to fulfill. Write down any issues or specific requirements you have in that field or topic. It’s best to answer the following questions:
- What do you want to learn?
- What do you expect from your mentor?
- What will this mentoring relationship look like?
- How often do you want to meet? Where?
Create a list of potential mentors. Compile a list of potential mentors based on your personal criteria and expectations for the relationship. Rank the list, starting with your top choices.
- Look for individuals with "the full package." If you admire someone’s business acumen but can’t stand them as a person, they won’t be a good mentor for you.
- Aim high. Wealthy and famous individuals often have personal assistants who learn from them and build connections. Why not you? If billionaire Donald Trump is your ideal business mentor, put him at the top of your list. Write a letter to his office, try to schedule a meeting, and prepare to apply for a position as an Apprentice.
- Check if your company or school has a formal mentorship program you can join. If so, evaluate whether it meets your goals and sign up.
Think about what you’ll say. Approaching a professor after class and asking, "I was wondering: Could you mentor me?" might scare them if you don’t explain what you mean. Asking someone to mentor you implies a significant role and commitment, so if that’s truly what you’re seeking, say, "Could I occasionally meet you for coffee to discuss physics?" Be specific and explain what you’re looking for.
- Use "mentor" as a verb, not a noun. Saying, "I could use some mentoring to figure out how to boost my next quarter’s sales. Huy, you have the potential for us to work together. Would you mind grabbing a drink and discussing this?" is more appealing than, "I need you to be my mentor. I have to improve my sales. Help me!"
- Ensure you don’t give the wrong impression. If the businessperson you admire is of the opposite gender, asking them out for a drink might sound like a date. Talk at the office or on campus if you’re concerned about sending mixed signals.
Start reaching out to potential mentors. Work your way down the list until someone agrees to the relationship you’ve outlined.
- If you can’t get anyone on the first try, don’t worry. It might not be about you but their schedule or other issues. Start over and consider mentors who might have more time or are more willing to work with you.
Plan your meetings. Don’t leave the relationship hanging once someone agrees to mentor you. Set a firm plan to meet and practice, learn, or work through your homework problems on a specific day and time.
- If the first meeting goes well, plan follow-ups. You might ask at this stage, "Would you mind if we scheduled regular sessions for this?"
Maintaining a Healthy Mentorship
Create a plan and stick to it. Even if the mentorship is primarily conducted via email or online, don’t bombard your mentor with last-minute questions for advice if it’s not appropriate in the early stages of your relationship.
- If the relationship naturally comes to an end, you can part ways comfortably. If you feel confident you’ve progressed in the skills you wanted to learn and no longer need weekly coffee meetings, say so.
Build a mutually beneficial relationship. Think about what you can offer in return to your mentor. If you’ve received a lot of free advice on your short stories from a professor, ask if there’s any research or tech support they need in their office. Helping them set up a new wireless network is a great way to show appreciation.
- As you progress in your career, remember who and what helped you get there. When opportunities arise, don’t forget the mentors who supported you along the way.
Show your appreciation. Stay in touch with your mentor to update them on your progress and thank them for their specific contributions. They’ll feel valued, needed, and accomplished in their field.
- Be specific. Saying, "Thank you, your help was useful!" is less impactful than, "I hit a sales record last quarter thanks to your initial advice. Thank you so much!"
- Gratitude can include a small gift as a token of thanks. A book, a bottle of wine, or a meal on a special occasion is appropriate.
Maintain a professional relationship with your mentor. Developing romantic feelings for your mentor can often hinder the effectiveness of the mentorship, especially if they are someone you work with. Casual interactions are acceptable and can even strengthen your bond, but a mentor is not your new best friend, so avoid delving into deeply personal or sensitive topics.
- For example, beyond understanding their professional background, you might ask about their interests at the end of meetings. Finding common ground can help build a stronger connection; even if you don’t share interests, showing curiosity about their passions can strengthen your relationship without crossing personal boundaries.
