How to Find Engaging Conversation Topics

Engage in Small Talk. Sometimes, people avoid small talk because they consider it trivial or meaningless. However, these seemingly insignificant conversations play a vital role in social interactions: they help strangers get acquainted without creating pressure or discomfort for either party. Don’t shy away from casual chit-chat or dismiss it as unimportant. Even lighthearted discussions hold significant value!

• A good relationship isn’t just about sharing and nurturing conversations but also allowing each person to reveal meaningful aspects of themselves.

Pay attention to the surrounding context. Suitable conversation topics often depend on the specific event you're attending. For example, discussing politics might be inappropriate at a work event but perfectly fitting at a political fundraiser. Similarly, you wouldn’t want to talk about work at a friend’s party but would save it for a professional gathering. Here are some helpful suggestions to consider:

• Think about the connection that brought you and the other person to the event (work, a mutual friend, a shared interest).
• Avoid controversial topics unrelated to the event.
• Maintain a polite and natural demeanor.

Ask simple open-ended questions. Open-ended questions cannot be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” but require a more detailed, personal response. Ask basic questions about the other person’s life that help you understand them better without seeming intrusive. A good rule of thumb is that anything you’d be asked on an online profile is fair game. For example:

• Where are you from? What’s it like there?
• Where do you work? What do you do?
• What did you think of the movie (movie name)?
• What kind of music do you like? Who are your top 5 bands?
• Do you enjoy reading? If stranded on an island, which 3 books would you bring?

Add a twist to make common icebreaker questions unique. Many questions revolve around hobbies, careers, and family that people often ask. Try tweaking them slightly to make the conversation more engaging without overstepping boundaries. For example:

• What’s the most amazing surprise you’ve ever experienced?
• What’s your longest-standing friendship like?
• What’s your dream job?
• What do you think you’re best at if given the time to pursue it?
• What do you love most about your current job?
• What were you like in high school?
• What might surprise people to learn about you?

Find out what the other person is passionate about. Everyone loves the chance to share their passions; if you’re stuck for topics, let them take the lead by asking about their hobbies, interests, or plans they seem excited about. This will make them feel comfortable, and they might even ask about your interests in return.

• Who’s your favorite author/actor/musician/athlete?
• What do you enjoy doing in your free time?
• Can you sing or play any musical instruments?
• Do you play sports or dance?
• What hidden talents do you have?

Focus on positive topics. People tend to bond more over positive subjects rather than negative stories, criticisms, or repetitive, dull topics. Try to find a subject both of you are passionate about instead of starting the conversation with complaints or critiques. For example, don’t start a party chat by criticizing the soup; instead, compliment the dessert and express how much you enjoyed it.

• It’s also a good idea to avoid arguments with the person you’re talking to. Share opinions without resorting to negativity.
• Generally, ask questions you’d like to be asked yourself.

Focus on the quality of the conversation rather than the quantity of topics. If you’re too fixated on finding numerous things to talk about, you might forget that even a single great topic can keep the conversation going for hours. Only when that topic is exhausted should you move on to another. Naturally, a good conversation flows smoothly from one subject to another; if you suddenly wonder, “How did we end up talking about this?”, congratulations—you’re having a fantastic conversation!

Be friendly. While conversation topics are important, your friendly attitude is even more crucial for a successful conversation. Your relaxed demeanor will help the other person feel at ease—and they’ll be more likely to connect with you. Smile, stay attentive, and show genuine interest in the happiness of others.

Ask follow-up questions. One of the best ways to keep a conversation going is to encourage the person you’re talking with to share their thoughts, feelings, and ideas. If they mention something about their life or tell a story, show interest by asking relevant follow-up questions. Keep the focus on them, and avoid steering the conversation back to yourself. For example, you could ask:

• "Why do you enjoy that sport/show/movie/band so much?"
• "I love that band too! Which album is your favorite?"
• "What got you interested in (their hobby)?"
• "I’ve never been to Sapa. Can you recommend a good tour for visiting there?"

Cool down heated debates. Even if you try to avoid controversial topics, they can still come up. Whether you or the other person brought it up, you can try to defuse the tension with a calm and respectful attitude. For example, you might say:

• "Maybe we should leave this topic for the politicians and switch to something else."
• "This topic is quite complex, and I doubt we’ll solve it here. How about we revisit it another time?"
• "This reminds me of (a more neutral topic)."

Offer compliments. If you can give a sincere, honest, and appropriate compliment to the person you’re talking to, do so. This can spark further conversation and make the other person feel appreciated and happy. Consider these suggestions:

• "I love your earrings. Where did you get them?"
• "The dish you brought to the party was amazing. Where did you find the recipe?"
• "Soccer is such a demanding sport. You must take great care of your fitness!"
• You can also compliment the event organizer, especially if both you and the person you’re talking to know them.

Find common ground, but embrace differences. It’s wonderful if you and the other person share a passion. However, you can also use this opportunity to learn about unfamiliar places, people, and ideas. Strive for a balance between finding common interests and staying curious.

• For example, if both of you play tennis, ask about her preferred racket. If you play tennis and she plays chess, you could inquire about how chess tournaments are organized and how they differ from tennis tournaments.

Maintain balance in the conversation. Finding suitable topics is a key part of a good conversation. But knowing when to stay silent is equally important. In short, you must also let the other person speak. The goal is to share speaking time equally and ensure everyone feels appreciated and valued.

Stay updated on current events. You’ll have more interesting things to talk about if you’re well-informed about the world around you. Pay attention to news, pop culture, arts, and sports. These topics can help you create engaging conversations that draw people in. Here are some ideas to kickstart a discussion:

• Local sports team activities
• A notable local event (like a concert, parade, or match)
• New movies, books, albums, or shows
• Major news stories

Show your sense of humor. If you have a knack for telling jokes or sharing amusing stories, use your talent to spark conversation topics. Don’t impose your humor on others; instead, weave your wit into the conversation politely and kindly.

• Ensure your humor isn’t based on insults, sarcasm, or vulgarity to avoid making others uncomfortable.

Be yourself. Don’t pretend to be an expert on a topic you’re unfamiliar with. Be honest and share your passions with others. Don’t force yourself to play a role that isn’t true to who you are.

• While it’s great to be witty, humorous, and engaging, don’t stress about being perfect. Just be the cheerful, friendly version of yourself.
• For example, instead of pretending to be a travel expert on Spain, simply say, “Oh, I’ve never been to Spain. What’s it like there?”

Don’t be afraid to share ordinary or mundane thoughts. Sometimes we hesitate to contribute to a conversation because we feel our ideas are too plain, unremarkable, or unoriginal. However, there’s no shame in occasionally sharing thoughts that align with others. If your knowledge of Monet is limited to what you learned in high school, feel free to share what you know and learn more from those who are more knowledgeable.

Recall previous conversations with the person. If you’ve met the person you’re talking to before, ask them a specific question related to your last conversation. Were they preparing for a major project or sporting event back then? Did they mention their children or partner? If you show that you’ve paid attention to what they’ve shared, they’ll appreciate it and may open up more to you.

Think about interesting events in your life. Reflect on strange, fascinating, puzzling, or amusing experiences you’ve had. Have you ever had an unexpected encounter or a remarkable coincidence? Share those details with the other person as a way to start a conversation.

End the conversation politely. If the other person seems bored or distracted, you can gracefully exit. Simply make an excuse to move elsewhere and start other conversations. Remember, a good conversation doesn’t have to be long—short, friendly exchanges are just as valuable. Consider these polite ways to wrap up:

• "It was great meeting you! I’ll let you mingle with others here now."
• "Talking with you about (x) was really interesting. I hope we’ll meet again."
• "I should probably go say hello to (friend/host/boss) over there. It was nice meeting you!"

Ask deeper questions once you feel more comfortable. Starting with small talk is great, but more intimate conversations can bring even more joy. Once both parties are comfortable with simple questions, you can begin to explore whether they’re open to discussing more significant topics. For example, if you’ve just talked about careers, you can delve deeper with questions like:

• What’s the most rewarding part of your job?
• What challenges have you faced in your career?
• Where do you hope to be professionally in a few years?
• Did you choose this career, or did you stumble into it?

Understand the benefits of meaningful conversations. Even introverts often feel happier after engaging in conversation. Generally, small talk brings joy to people, but deeper conversations can make them even happier.

Gradually introduce deeper topics. Don’t suddenly impose an intimate conversation on someone; instead, bring up topics slowly to gauge their reaction. If they seem open, you can continue. If they appear uncomfortable, shift the topic before any harm is done. Here are some examples of how to gently introduce sensitive subjects:

• "I watched the political debate last night. What did you think of it?"
• "I’m involved in a Catholic group. Are you part of any church community?"
• "I’m really interested in bilingual education, though I know it can be a controversial topic..."

Maintain an open-minded approach. Trying to convince others to adopt your viewpoint can lead to negative emotions, while showing genuine interest and respect for others fosters positive feelings. Don’t use conversation topics as a platform for lecturing—use them to engage others. Listen to their opinions respectfully, even if they disagree with you.

Use small details to gauge the other person’s thoughts. Sharing small, specific details about your life and experiences is a great way to see if the other person responds positively. If they do, you can continue exploring that topic. If not, steer the conversation in a different direction.

Respond to a general question with a specific story. If someone asks you a general question, reply with a brief, specific story from your own experience. This adds liveliness to the conversation and can encourage others to share their personal experiences.

• For example, if someone asks what you do for a living, you could share a strange incident that happened on your way to work.
• If asked about your hobbies, talk about a competition you participated in instead of just listing your interests.
• If someone asks what movies you’ve seen recently, recount an amusing encounter you had at the cinema.

Be honest about yourself. Studies show that you’re more likely to be liked when you reveal personal information. While oversharing isn’t necessary, being open about your life, thoughts, and opinions helps others feel comfortable sharing about themselves. Don’t be overly reserved or secretive.

• Try showing your vulnerable side. Sharing private and deep details is a key factor in building and maintaining relationships.

Ask deeper questions if the other person seems open. Moral dilemmas, personal experiences, and vulnerabilities can create bonds, especially between people who already know each other a bit. If the other person appears open, you can ask more personal questions. Always gauge their comfort level first, and shift to lighter topics if the conversation starts to feel awkward. Here are some suggestions:

• What were you like as a child?
• Who was your biggest role model growing up?
• Do you remember your first day of kindergarten? What was it like?
• What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever experienced?
• What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever seen?
• If you were on a sinking boat with an elderly person, a dog, and a recently released prisoner, and you could only save one, who would you choose?
• Would you rather die as a completely unknown person who achieved great things or as a world-famous hero who didn’t actually accomplish what you’re credited for?
• What’s your biggest fear?
• What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?
• What’s one thing you wish you could change about yourself?
• How is your life now different from what you imagined as a child?

Pay attention to eye contact. People who maintain eye contact are usually more engaged in the conversation. Through eye contact, you can also gauge whether the person you’re talking to is enjoying the topic. If they start to seem distracted or their gaze wanders, consider changing the subject, asking a question, or politely ending the conversation.

Embrace moments of silence. Occasionally, there will be pauses in conversation. Appreciate these quiet moments, especially with someone you’re close to. You don’t need to constantly fill the void with opinions, questions, or stories—sometimes these breaks are natural and even beneficial.

Create intentional pauses in conversation. Occasionally, take a break while talking. This pause allows the other person to change the topic, ask a question, or end the conversation if needed. Avoid monopolizing the discussion.

Avoid oversharing. If you’ve just met someone, save the most personal details until you know them better. Sharing too much can make you seem gossipy, tactless, or shocking. Stick to the facts but keep it appropriate until you’ve built a closer relationship. Some topics to avoid oversharing include:

• Bodily functions or sexual activities
• Failed relationships or relationship crises
• Political and religious views
• Gossip or vulgar stories

Steer clear of sensitive topics. Topics people generally avoid at work include personal appearance, relationship status, and socioeconomic standing. Depending on the context, politics and religion can also be taboo. Be mindful of your audience, keeping things natural and light until you understand their interests better.

Avoid long-winded stories or dominating the conversation. Ensure that any story you want to share is concise or something the listener finds engaging. What’s interesting to you may not be interesting to others. Feel free to share your passions and interests, but gauge the listener’s reaction. Let them ask questions (if they want to know more) or change the subject (if they prefer to talk about something else).

Don’t put pressure on yourself. Keeping a conversation going isn’t solely your responsibility. As the saying goes, "It takes two to tango"—if the other person isn’t interested in talking, find someone else to chat with. Don’t dwell on a conversation that didn’t go well.

Demonstrate active listening skills. Maintain eye contact and listen when the other person speaks. Avoid appearing bored or distracted. Show that you’re engaged and interested.

• An active listener genuinely pays attention and focuses on the speaker rather than just pretending to listen. Stay attentive when the other person is talking. Listen without planning what you’ll say next.

Maintain open body language. Conversations flow more smoothly when you smile, nod, and show interest through your body language. Avoid fidgeting, crossing your arms, looking at your feet, or staring at your phone. Maintain appropriate eye contact and face the person you’re speaking with.