Buzz
Love can sometimes result in a fairytale ending where both individuals 'live happily ever after.' But, there are times when love doesn’t work out, leaving at least one person heartbroken. If you're the one who’s hurting, it might feel like love is no longer possible or happiness is out of reach. However, just because this relationship didn’t succeed doesn’t mean you can’t find happiness again. By addressing your emotions and taking care of your needs, you can embrace the single life and rediscover joy.
Steps
Processing Your Feelings
Give yourself time. It’s completely normal to feel down and unsettled after a breakup. Don’t expect to be over it in just a couple of days. Be gentle with yourself and take the time you need to process all the emotions tied to the end of the relationship. True happiness will come once you allow yourself the time to heal.
- Regardless of the situation's specifics, breakups are painful, and your sense of stability may feel lost—this is entirely natural.
- Don’t rush into a new relationship immediately in an attempt to fill the void. Take the time you need to heal before seeking love again.
- Give yourself space to reflect on what you’re feeling. It’s okay to analyze the relationship and understand why it ended.
- Though others might encourage you to 'just move on,' remember that your healing process should happen on your own timeline, not theirs.
- If a few months have passed and you’re still struggling, it may be time to consider more active steps toward moving forward.
Move past denial. Initially, you may struggle to accept that this relationship has ended. Resist the urge to pretend nothing has changed or that everything is the same as it was. In order to move on and find happiness, it’s essential to stop denying the reality of the situation (both to yourself and to others).
- Avoid contacting your ex and pretending as though things are unchanged. Doing so may only frustrate your ex and make it harder for you to heal and move on.
- Remove any reminders of your ex. For instance, if your phone background is a photo of the two of you, change it.
- If people ask about the relationship, be honest with them. You don’t have to provide all the details, but be truthful.
- You might say, “We didn’t work out, but I’d rather not go into further details.” Then steer the conversation elsewhere.
Accept that it's over. Even though you might acknowledge that the relationship has ended, you may still hold on to the belief that things could work out if you change something about yourself or convince your ex to rekindle the romance. However, this approach usually doesn’t lead to reconciliation. The key to healing and moving forward is accepting that it’s truly over, so you can focus on your future and embrace happiness.
- Stop ruminating about ways to make the relationship work. Avoid trying to make your ex jealous or resorting to drastic measures to make them realize your worth.
- Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “It’s really over. It didn’t work, and I accept that.” Repeat this affirmation whenever you need it.
- Return your ex’s belongings as soon as possible. For example, don’t hold onto their winter coat hoping to get back together when they need it again.
Forgive your ex. It’s natural to feel anger after acknowledging that the relationship has ended. You may feel the urge to place blame on someone for how things turned out. However, harboring anger only increases your stress and negativity. To truly move on and find happiness, you must release that anger and forgive those involved.
- Consider writing a letter to your ex, expressing your forgiveness for any actions that contributed to the relationship’s failure. You don’t have to send it, but it can help release emotional baggage.
- Engage in physical activity to release pent-up frustration. Whether it’s punching a boxing bag, going for a jog, swimming, or practicing yoga, it’s a healthy way to let go of negative energy.
- If you feel that you played a role in the breakup, forgive yourself. Acknowledge any mistakes, learn from them, and let go so you can move forward and be happy.
Meeting Your Emotional Needs
Boost your self-esteem. Don’t internalize the failure of this relationship and think of yourself as a failure. Just because love didn’t work out doesn’t mean you’re incapable of love. You are an incredible person, and you will find love again. One way to regain your confidence is to focus on enhancing your self-esteem.
- Create a list of all the qualities that make you lovable and capable of loving someone else.
- Affirm to yourself, “I am lovable and can be successful in love because I am…” Fill in the blanks with the attributes you listed.
- Each day, add one more reason to your list of why you’re amazing, and continually remind yourself that happiness is within reach.
- There’s power in reflecting on yourself, naming your feelings, and recognizing what you need and have. Take the time to truly acknowledge your emotions.
Lean on your support network. It’s natural to feel like isolating yourself after a breakup, but withdrawing from others isn't helpful and won’t lead to happiness. Surrounding yourself with loved ones is a reminder of your worth. Your friends and family want to support you because they care, so don’t hesitate to lean on them for a while as you heal.
- It’s okay to ask someone to simply sit with you—no talking, just their presence for emotional support.
- Share your feelings about the failed relationship and how it's affecting your self-esteem.
- For example, you might say, “I’m experiencing a whirlwind of emotions right now. Some days I feel lost, and other days I feel hopeful.”
- Don’t resist their efforts to cheer you up. They genuinely want to see you smile, so let yourself enjoy their company.
- Ask them to help you avoid the temptation of texting, calling, or obsessing over your ex.
Take care of yourself. Neglecting self-care can make it harder to heal after a breakup. You may feel irritable due to lack of rest or drained from sleepless nights. Studies suggest that breakups can even have a physical toll on your body, so it's crucial to treat yourself with kindness.
- Eat nutritious meals, prioritize sleep, and engage in regular physical activity to benefit both your body and mind.
- Take some time to refresh your appearance—maybe try a new haircut or wear something that makes you feel good.
- Do something special for yourself, like buying a new hobby item, or treat yourself to a spa day.
Consider seeking therapy. If you’re finding it difficult to go about your daily life, such as eating or sleeping, it may be helpful to talk to a counselor. Therapy is also useful if you’ve started using alcohol or drugs to cope. It’s a way of practicing self-love, and it can help you regain happiness.
- Studies show that after love failure, the body undergoes chemical changes that may lead to feelings of depression.
- In some cases, your therapist might recommend antidepressants to help balance these chemical changes.
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 620 Mytour readers on which coping strategy they found most effective after rejection. Only 9% agreed that seeking professional help or therapy was the best approach. [Take Poll] Therapy can be incredibly beneficial, but often, leaning on the support of friends and family can be just as effective.
Try using coping strategies. Sometimes, specific techniques are necessary to help you manage the intense emotions that arise after a love failure. These methods can reduce stress and contribute to long-term happiness.
- Practice deep breathing exercises to help clear your mind and alleviate negative emotions.
- Try meditation to calm your mind and soul. Spend a few moments each day sitting quietly, focusing on your breath, a mantra, or simply being present in the moment.
Embracing the Single Life
Explore new activities. A great way to enjoy being single is by trying things that you can do on your own. Reflect on hobbies and interests you’ve always wanted to pursue but didn’t have the time for when you were in a relationship. Make yourself happy by diving into them now!
- Consider taking up a hobby that allows you to develop an existing talent or learn something new.
- Examples include painting, gardening, swimming, yoga, or even poetry—activities that are both enjoyable and solo-friendly.
- Take an online course on a subject that piques your interest, or start learning a new language. You’ll feel proud of your progress as you go.
- Start a blog or vlog about a topic you're passionate about and share your knowledge with the world.
- By continuing to live a vibrant life, you regain control and allow yourself to heal while transforming into a stronger version of yourself.
Embrace social opportunities. Being single gives you the chance to spend quality time with friends and family who lift you up. It’s also an excellent opportunity to meet new people who could become friends or even a future romantic partner. Don’t isolate yourself—make the most of your single life by staying social.
- Accept invitations to events hosted by friends or family, such as recitals or sports games. You’ll be supporting your loved ones and perhaps meeting new people along the way.
- Volunteer for causes that are important to you. Helping out will not only make you feel good about yourself, but also connect you with people who share your values.
- Organize social gatherings like dinner parties or game nights. Don’t hesitate to invite your friends and encourage them to bring someone along.
Think about dating. This doesn’t mean rushing into a new relationship right away. Rather, it’s okay to flirt and spend time with someone who catches your interest. Doing so can help you better understand what makes you happy in future relationships, plus it gives you the chance to enjoy some lighthearted fun and gather great stories for later.
- If you're not quite ready to start dating, try easing into it by flirting a little. Smile at the friendly cashier or compliment the attractive person setting up your electronics.
- Keep in mind that dating doesn’t mean you're in a committed relationship. Spend time getting to know someone first before deciding if you want to take things further.
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It will take time for happiness to return, so be patient with yourself and continue putting in the effort.
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To make it easier to move on, avoid contact with your ex for a while if possible.
Important Notes
- If you're feeling like you might harm yourself or someone else, please reach out to a crisis hotline and talk to a professional who can support you through these emotions.
- If your friends or family suggest that you seek counseling, take their advice seriously. They may recognize the impact this failed relationship is having on you more clearly than you can yourself.
