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Discover lasting romance in your 50s
Starting a new relationship at 50 might seem daunting, but it can be an incredibly rewarding experience when you meet the right person. Whether you’ve experienced past relationships or gone through a divorce, there are still plenty of opportunities to begin anew. Embrace a fresh perspective on love and take the time to explore modern dating, ultimately discovering a more meaningful connection.
Important Tips to Keep in Mind
- Commit to focusing your energy on dating and stop allowing other responsibilities to stand in the way. You deserve to find love!
- Consider visiting a hairstylist or personal stylist to update your look and enhance your best features.
- Let your friends know you're open to dating or create a profile on a dating app to increase your chances. Attend social gatherings such as bars, cafes, or community events to meet other singles.
Steps to Follow
Shifting Your Perspective
Stop making excuses. Dating, or even the thought of finding love, can seem intimidating and overwhelming. You may convince yourself that things like work, family, and other commitments are standing in the way. It’s easy to think you're 'too old' to find love or that there’s 'no one good to date at my age.' But adopting the right mindset and being open to new experiences is the first step toward moving forward.
- Let go of negative thoughts. Don’t let yourself get stuck in a negative spiral. It’s normal to feel frustrated or to make excuses, but many others looking for love feel the same. Instead of focusing on worries, shift your focus to the good things you've experienced with love and companionship.
- Begin each day with a positive reminder that you are ready for a fresh start. Acknowledge the great qualities you have to offer and embrace the possibility of new love.
Make love a priority in your life. Life is full of distractions, but if you're truly seeking love, it needs to be a priority. Don’t miss the opportunities that come your way. If someone invites you for a coffee or an event, be open to saying yes or rescheduling to a time that works for both of you.
- Be careful not to make love the only thing that matters. A strong desire for love can sometimes cloud your judgment and prevent you from making clear decisions.
- If you're just beginning to date, don’t rush or force love or a serious relationship that may not be there yet. It’s important to be patient as love often takes time.
Invest in your appearance. Take time to reflect on the aspects of yourself that you appreciate, both physically and emotionally. First impressions are important.
- Dress in a way that makes you feel confident, especially when meeting new people or going on dates. It’s not about wearing something that feels unnatural, but rather enhancing your natural look.
- Seek fashion advice from people you trust. While stepping out of your comfort zone can be challenging, be open to suggestions and ideas.
- Embrace your body as it is today. It’s likely been a while since you were actively dating, and your body may have changed. Don’t let insecurities hold you back from love and connection.
Project confidence. Confidence often holds more weight than appearance alone. Rather than focusing on your perceived flaws, shift your focus to your strengths.
- Speak with enthusiasm and confidence about the things you’re passionate about.
- While your appearance may initially draw someone in, it’s your actions and words that will leave a lasting impression. Be friendly, courteous, and respectful.
EXPERT ADVICE
John Keegan
Relationship Coach
Relationship Coach
Confidence increases your appeal. If you don’t value yourself, you’ll be less likely to attract someone who truly appreciates who you are. To foster a healthy relationship, start by building a positive self-image and practicing self-compassion. People are drawn to those who respect themselves and understand their worth.
Know what you want – and what you don’t want – in a partner. As we age, particularly in our 40s, 50s, and 60s, we develop a clearer sense of our non-negotiables in a relationship. Be honest with yourself about what you can and cannot compromise on. Don’t let external factors cloud your judgment when considering a partner.
- Clarify your needs and what truly makes you happy. Be realistic about your expectations and whether they can be fulfilled by a partner.
- Be honest about the type of love you’re seeking. If you’re looking for a temporary fix, you may find a partner who fills that void, but not necessarily one for the long term.
- If you don’t know what you're searching for, it will be much harder to find the right love.
- Remember, like you, those you meet will come with a past—children, grandchildren, multiple marriages, divorces, etc. Be prepared to accept that people have their own history and baggage.
Contemporary Dating
Make yourself accessible. Let others know that you are single and open to meeting someone new. Many relationships begin through mutual friends or acquaintances, so be open to stepping outside your usual routine. Embrace new experiences and allow yourself to meet new people. Here are a few activities you might try:
- Visiting a coffee shop to read or relax
- Exploring a new walking route
- Joining a gym or participating in a co-ed fitness class
- Spending time in nature — whether at the beach, lake, or park
- Checking out a new bar with friends
Give online dating a try. Many older individuals find meaningful connections through online dating platforms. It’s not just for younger people! Look for a site that caters to your interests or age group.
- Creating a profile may feel overwhelming, but you can always ask a trusted friend for advice on showcasing your personality effectively.
- Keep in mind that online dating through messages or emails is similar to meeting someone in person. Be friendly and personable, and don’t be afraid to flirt a little.
Don’t let age define you. When it comes to finding a true connection, emotional and physiological compatibility often matter more than age alone. If you’re seeking a deeper relationship, sharing similar values and life experiences is key. Matching energy and activity levels may also lead to a more lasting bond.
- For instance, if you’re 50, a great match might be someone who’s 38 or 62. Keep an open mind about the age spectrum.
- Some men may prefer to date younger women, but consider whether their level of maturity aligns with yours. Active women in their 50s and beyond may also be a perfect match.
- Women might worry about competing with younger, more youthful-looking women, but remember that confidence often trumps age. Be comfortable and confident in who you are.
Give speed dating a shot. Look for speed dating events in your area and invite a single friend to join you. This can be a fast and fun way to meet new people and see if there's a spark.
- Speed dating offers quick conversations with several people, allowing you to meet many prospects in a short amount of time. This is a more efficient alternative to meeting people one-on-one through friends or online dating.
- Think of speed dating as a networking event or a cocktail party — a brief and fun way to meet potential matches.
Think about joining a singles' group. Thanks to technology, there are many ways to find singles’ activities in your area. Some other places to consider for singles’ groups include:
- Local places of worship that offer singles events or gatherings.
- Fitness groups or clubs, like running clubs.
- General interest groups, such as those on Meetup.com.
- Networking events or alumni meetups from your college or university.
- Volunteer organizations.
- Social dance classes.
Consider how dating norms may have changed. If you’re re-entering the dating scene after a divorce or the loss of a partner, it may be a while since you’ve been on a date. Ask friends who have been dating recently to get a feel for current expectations. Be open to new practices like sharing the bill, meeting in public places instead of having someone pick you up, or dating more than one person at a time. Another way to learn the ropes of modern dating? Just dive in and experience it firsthand!
Building Connections
Express your enthusiasm for love and life. Having a positive and passionate outlook is incredibly attractive. Even if you’ve been hurt in the past, make an effort to move past old feelings. If you feel like you’re still not “over” a previous relationship, that emotional baggage might make it harder for others to connect with you. Consider these tips:
- Avoid focusing on past relationships when you’re first getting to know someone.
- Share the things that bring you joy and talk about the stories that make you smile every time you tell them.
- Find ways to stay genuinely positive about love and dating. If you’re struggling with past hurts, seek advice or professional counseling to help you move forward.
Be a good listener. Pay close attention to what your date or partner is saying. Are you truly interested in their thoughts and feelings? Great communication is often built on being a good listener. Consider these tips:
- Maintain eye contact to show you’re fully engaged in the conversation.
- Paraphrase what they say to make sure you’re understanding them correctly, such as “It seems like ____ was difficult for you,” or “It sounds like ____ was really fun for you.”
- Avoid interrupting or jumping in while your partner is talking.
Understand your core values. In addition to clear communication, shared values are fundamental to a lasting and meaningful relationship. While common interests are important, it’s the deeper values you share with your partner that will guide you through a healthy relationship in the long term. You may have already learned this from past experiences, but take time to reflect on the following when searching for love:
- What are your views on marriage, divorce, and love?
- What are your religious or moral beliefs about how life should be lived?
- How do you manage money, and what are your thoughts on financial decision-making?
- How do you approach caregiving or making significant decisions as a couple?
Enjoy each other’s company. While it's important to maintain your individuality, it’s equally essential to spend quality time together. Focus on shared experiences that are both fun and meaningful. Here are some ideas:
- Try activities that are outside your usual routine, not just dinner dates or watching TV at home.
- Spend time alone, away from other couples or family members, and see how you connect when it’s just the two of you.
- Laugh, joke, and be playful. Life is short, and even simple moments can become enjoyable with a bit of effort and creativity.
Esther Perel, Psychotherapist
Be open to adventure and new experiences. “Breaking away from routine and stepping into the unknown ignites curiosity and growth. So, ask yourselves, what’s something fresh you can try together?”
Quiz Pack: Handpicked quizzes for you.
1
Am I Destined to Find Love? Quiz
2
Will I End Up With My Crush? Quiz
3
Do I Have the Charisma to Attract? Quiz
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Keep in mind that there is no specific age to find love. It can happen at any point in life, and at any stage of age. What matters is whether you are ready and open to it.
Caution
- If you're in search of love, and not just a casual fling, be upfront with yourself and your partner. Ensure that both of you are looking for the same type of relationship. Trust your gut if you're dating someone who seems more focused on lavish dinners than truly getting to know you.
