Buzz
You've been spending time with a guy you really like, and you both seem to act like a couple, but when everything settles down, you're still unsure about where you stand. Talking about exclusivity may seem intimidating, but it doesn't have to be! Having the conversation will provide you with the clarity you need. We've gathered the best tips for approaching the exclusivity talk. Keep reading for everything you need to know.
Steps
Allow the relationship to evolve naturally.
Each relationship is unique and follows its own timeline. Release any preconceived notions about when a relationship should move from casual to serious. While friends and family may have their own opinions, the truth is that your emotions will guide you on when it's the right time to bring up the conversation. Take some time to think it through.
- Does the idea of a committed relationship with this person excite you?
- Is the uncertainty about where you stand causing you stress or anxiety?
- Are you ready to hear an answer, regardless of whether it's what you want to hear?
Discuss your relationship status face-to-face.
This is a crucial conversation, so it should take place face-to-face. Choose a setting where he'll feel at ease. If you'd prefer to keep it casual, you don’t have to plan the talk in advance. Just ensure that when the moment comes to discuss it, you're doing so in person.
- “Hey, I was hoping we could chat about something. Want to come over tonight? I could make that spaghetti you love.”
- Alternatively, wait until you’re both casually hanging out in a quiet spot. For instance, begin the conversation while you’re sitting together on the couch in the living room.
- Reader Poll: We asked 134 Mytour readers whether you should wait for a one-on-one conversation to ask someone to be in a relationship, and 93% of them said yes, wait until you're alone. [Take Poll]
Start the conversation about exclusivity with a lighthearted excuse.
You might prefer to bring up the conversation in a more subtle way. If that's the case, find an excuse that lets you casually ask if you’re exclusive. Slip this into the conversation naturally. Depending on how clear you are, it might lead to a deeper talk—but either way, it’ll give you an insight into how he feels.
- “It’s funny, my mom asked me last week if I was dating anyone exclusively. It’s tough explaining modern dating to parents, haha.”
- “I’ve been thinking, we should discuss if we’re being safe. I don’t mean to intrude, but are you seeing anyone else? I need to know for my own health.”
Demonstrate that you’re serious about the conversation.
Joking around might prevent you from getting the answers you need. It’s natural to want to ease the tension with a joke when you're nervous, but it's important to remain serious. While being friendly is fine, to have a productive exclusivity talk, do your best to avoid hiding behind humor. Set the right tone for an honest exchange. If you feel uncomfortable, just be straightforward.
- "Honestly, I’m just going to say it. I’m feeling a little nervous right now."
Ask him plainly if you’re in an exclusive relationship.
A clear conversation can provide the clarity you need. Remember, no matter what his response is, you’re going after your goal—and that’s something to be proud of. Be upfront and ask exactly what’s on your mind. If you’re comfortable, share what emotions have led you to this conversation.
- “Hey, I just want to be honest with you. I really care about you. Are we dating? Are you my boyfriend?”
- “I want to be open with you. I’ve been wondering if we’re exclusive. Are you seeing other people?”
TELL US YOUR THOUGHTS
How do you intend to deal with any nervousness during the exclusivity conversation?
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Take the QuizExplore More QuizzesAssure him that there’s no pressure involved.
Creating a comfortable environment increases the chances of receiving an honest response. Let him know that even though this conversation is important, you don't want him to feel overwhelmed. Reassure him that no matter how he feels, you will accept his thoughts without judgment.
- "I don’t want you to feel pressured. We’re just having a conversation. No judgment from me—I’ll accept whatever you feel."
Encourage him to speak openly and honestly.
For the future to be clear, he must be open and honest. Let him know that, although you understand his concern about possibly hurting you, honesty is what you expect. Reassure him that it’s okay if he doesn't want exclusivity, but dishonesty to protect your feelings is not acceptable.
- "I understand this might be difficult, but I need you to be truthful. Even if we don’t want the same things, I’ll appreciate your honesty in the long run."
Encourage him to speak openly and directly.
When anxiety takes over, he might give you ambiguous answers. If he’s unsure about how to express himself or fears hurting your feelings, he might provide vague responses, or answers that aren’t fully thought out. Make it clear that you need him to express his feelings with clarity. If he needs time to think, assure him that you’re willing to wait.
- "I know you really enjoy spending time with me, but that doesn’t answer my question about exclusivity."
- "It’s tough to open up, but right now, I really need you to be honest with me."
- "If you need time to consider, that’s fine. But ultimately, I’ll need a clear response. That’s very important to me."
Clarify what you're expecting from the relationship.
Share your needs to help you both move forward together. Begin by outlining your hopes for the relationship and then express what you can and can’t accept at this moment. Make sure he knows you’re available for any questions he might have.
- "I’d love for us to be exclusive. I want to feel secure and look forward to our future together."
- "I don’t need it right away, but I want to know that eventually you’ll be interested in the same thing. Let’s keep talking about it."
- "Feel free to ask me anything. I’m an open book, and I’ll explain my thoughts to you."
EXPERT ADVICE
John Keegan
Relationship Specialist
Relationship Specialist
If you're interested in a lasting relationship, make that clear from the start. Strong relationships are built on transparent communication. It’s essential that your goals, lifestyles, and expectations align, and discussing these points will ensure you're both in sync.
Seek a middle ground if your expectations don’t align.
You might still be able to continue dating even if he's not ready for exclusivity yet. If he’s not interested in committing right now, take some time to reflect on your own boundaries and needs. Once you’ve figured out what you can accept, communicate your feelings to him. If there's a possibility for compromise, agree on a plan to move forward together.
- Would you be comfortable continuing to see him even if he’s unsure about exclusivity? How long would you be okay waiting?
- "For now, I’d like to keep seeing you. However, we do need to revisit this conversation. I’d need us to have a clear plan going forward."
- "How about we agree to talk about this again in a month? Would that work for you?"
If he's unwilling to meet your needs, it's time to move on.
If he can't provide what you're looking for, it might be time to walk away. Be direct with him about your needs, listen to his perspective, and evaluate if you’re on the same page. If it’s clear that he can’t meet your needs, choose the path that will bring you happiness in the long term. Move on.
- Choose what feels right for you. You deserve to have your needs met in a relationship!
SHARE YOUR OPINION WITH US
How long would you be willing to wait for exclusivity if he's not ready yet?
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This feature is coming soon! Thanks for your interest.
