How to Fix Your Own Mistakes

We all make mistakes at some point in our lives. Common mistakes include errors during specific tasks (writing, typing, graphic design, etc.), offending someone, doing something you regret, or finding yourself in a dangerous situation. Since mistakes are inevitable, learning how to fix and deal with them is crucial. Addressing mistakes typically involves understanding the mistake, planning, practicing self-care, and communicating appropriately.

Identify the mistake. First, you need to understand exactly what went wrong in order to fix it.

• Clearly identify what your mistake was. Did you say something inappropriate? Did you make an error in a work project or class assignment? Did you forget to clean the bathroom as you promised?
• Understand why and how the mistake occurred. Did you intentionally do it and regret it right away? Were you simply distracted? Think about things like, "How did I forget to clean the bathroom? Was I avoiding doing it? Was I just too busy?"
• If you're unsure about your mistake, you can ask someone else (a friend, family member, teacher, colleague, boss) for their perspective. For example, if someone seems upset with you, you can ask, "I notice you're upset with me, can you tell me why?" That person might respond, "I'm upset because you said you'd clean the bathroom, but you didn't follow through."

Reflect on past mistakes. Take a look at your habitual behaviors and determine if you have ever encountered similar challenges before. Have there been moments when you forgot to do something important?

• Write about any recurring patterns or tendencies you often experience. This approach will help you pinpoint broader areas for improvement (such as attention, specific skills, etc.). For instance, you may often forget tasks you don’t want to do, like cleaning. This could be an indication that you're avoiding the task or that you need to become more organized to remember the responsibilities you need to complete.

Take responsibility. Recognize that the mistake is yours. Own your error and refrain from blaming others. If you point fingers at someone else, you won’t learn from your shortcomings, and you're likely to make the same mistake again.

• Write about the aspects of the situation where you played a role in creating the issue, or about a specific mistake you made.
• Identify what factors you could have changed to achieve a better outcome.

Think about solutions you've used in the past. One of the best ways to solve a problem or rectify a mistake is to reflect on the ways you’ve handled similar situations in the past. You might think, "I used to remember my tasks well—what did I do back then to keep track? Oh, right, I wrote them down in my planner and checked it several times a day!"

• Create a list of similar mistakes you've made. Reflect on the methods you used to handle each mistake and determine whether they were helpful. If not, they may not be suitable for your current situation.

Consider your options. The more possible solutions you think of, the better. For example, you could clean the bathroom, apologize, request to clean another area in the house, negotiate, or plan to handle the task the following day, etc.

• Use problem-solving skills to think of reasonable solutions to your current problem.
• List the pros and cons for each solution. For instance, if you've identified that the best solution to forgetting to clean the bathroom is to ensure you do it tomorrow, the pros and cons might look like this: Pros - the bathroom will finally get cleaned. Cons - I didn’t clean it today, and I may forget tomorrow (I can’t be sure I’ll remember), and it doesn’t solve the underlying issue of forgetting to clean it. Based on this assessment, it’s better to clean the bathroom today if possible and make a plan to remember it in the future.

Decide on the action you need to take and commit to it. To fix the issue, you need to create a specific plan. Identify the most suitable solution based on the available options and the choices you've made in the past, and commit to carrying it out.

• Follow through. If you've promised to resolve the issue, keep your word. Becoming someone who can be trusted is key to building trust with others and establishing long-lasting relationships.

Make a backup plan. No matter how clear your plan is, there's still a chance it might not fix the issue. For instance, you may clean the bathroom, but the person who asked you to do this may still be upset with you.

• Identify other potential solutions and write them down in order of effectiveness. Review the list from top to bottom. Your list might include options like: asking that person if you can clean another room, continuing to apologize, asking how they would like you to make amends, or giving them something they like (food, an activity, etc.).

Prevent mistakes in the future. If you successfully find a solution to your mistake, you can establish a process that helps you succeed moving forward and avoid repeating the same mistakes.

• Write about your mistake and then write about the goals you want to achieve in the future. For example, if you forgot to clean the bathroom, you might set a goal like: create a daily task list, check it twice a day, mark tasks as completed, and write priority reminders on sticky notes and place them on the fridge.

Stop putting pressure on yourself. Understand that making mistakes is part of being human. You may feel guilty, but it’s important to accept yourself despite your flaws.

• Forgive yourself and move forward instead of dwelling on the issue you’ve caused.
• Focus on doing better in the present and future.

Control your emotions. When we make mistakes, it’s easy to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or even ready to give up. If you're feeling overly emotional or stressed, take a moment to relax. Attempting to fix your mistakes while your emotions are heightened won’t help you.

Cope with the situation. Focusing on how to handle negative emotions can make you feel better. Reflect on the strategies you’ve used in the past to cope with mistakes. Identify which approaches were effective and which ones made you feel worse.

• Some common coping methods include: speaking positively to yourself (affirmations), exercising, or engaging in relaxing activities like reading or playing games.
• On the other hand, methods that won't help include focusing on self-destructive behaviors like: using alcohol or drugs, physically harming yourself, overthinking, or engaging in negative self-talk.

Be assertive. Assertive communication means expressing your thoughts and feelings in a respectful and appropriate way. When you're assertive, you admit your mistakes and take responsibility without blaming others.

• Avoid negative behaviors, such as avoiding the issue, evading responsibility, following others’ wishes without standing up for yourself, or not defending your position.
• Do not adopt aggressive behaviors, such as raising your voice, shouting, belittling others, swearing, or engaging in violent actions (throwing objects, physical harm).
• Avoid passive-aggressive behavior. This involves a mix of negativity and aggression, often where you feel upset but aren’t ready to face your emotions. You might take actions behind someone's back or engage in silent treatment, which is not healthy communication and leaves the other person confused about your intentions.
• Send positive non-verbal messages. Non-verbal communication can help convey your message to others. A simple smile, for example, can signal, 'I could be upset, but I’m choosing to be brave and rise above this situation.'

Listen actively. Allow the person who is upset to vent their frustration and wait for their response.

• Focus solely on listening to the other person instead of thinking about how to respond. Pay attention to their feelings and thoughts, rather than your own.
• Summarize their message and ask clarifying questions, like 'I hear you’re upset because I forgot to clean the bathroom, is that right?'
• Empathize. Try to understand their perspective and put yourself in their shoes.

Apologize. Occasionally, when we make a mistake, we hurt others. Offering an apology shows that you regret your actions, feel remorse for the harm caused, and desire to improve in the future.

• Do not make excuses or attempt to brush off the issue. Simply admit your fault. For instance, you can say, "I acknowledge I forgot to clean the bathroom. I apologize."
• Be cautious not to blame others. Avoid saying things like, "If you had reminded me to clean, I probably wouldn’t have forgotten and would have completed the task."

Commit to making positive changes. Expressing a plan to make amends and commit to solving the issue is an effective way to rectify mistakes, especially when they affect others.

• Try to find a solution. You can ask the person what they would like you to do to make things right. For example, you could ask, "What can I do now to help you?"
• Seek ways in which you can improve in the future. You could ask the person, "What do you think might help me avoid making this mistake again in the future?"
• Let them know you are willing to put in the effort to avoid repeating the same mistake. You might say something like, "I don’t want this to happen again, so I’ll work on ____." Be specific about what you plan to do, for example, "I’ll make a to-do list so I won’t forget my tasks in the future."

• If a task is too overwhelming or confusing, take a short break or ask for assistance.
• If you can’t immediately fix the mistake or make things better, focus on what you can do to improve going forward.