How to flirt with your boss

There are many reasons why you might want to flirt with your boss. Perhaps you're drawn to their irresistible charm and want to pursue a relationship, or you might have come across a controversial study suggesting that women who flirt in the workplace are more likely to get promoted. (Sorry guys, this approach won't work for you). Regardless of your reason, it's important to realize that flirting at work is risky, so it must be done carefully. This article will guide you through assessing the risks and provide tips on how to flirt with your boss, leaving it up to you whether you want to proceed or not...

Consider your own motivations. You’ve spent time searching for articles on how to flirt with your boss, which clearly shows you’ve been thinking about it. Ask yourself why you want to flirt with your boss. Are you bored? Do you find your boss attractive and want to develop a relationship? Are you trying to gain an advantage or benefits at work? Identifying your reasons for wanting to flirt will help you assess whether it's worth the risk.

• A bit of playful banter with your boss could attract more attention to help you land an important project you’ve been eyeing, or keep a favorable shift schedule. Of course, this could backfire depending on the workplace culture.

Nghĩ về những giới hạn. Bạn định thả thính cho vui hay hy vọng bắt đầu mối quan hệ lãng mạn với sếp? Hãy xác định giới hạn là gì và đừng đòi hỏi hơn mức bạn cần. Câu dẫn ai đó không giống với việc có được mọi thứ bạn muốn.

Cẩn thận với những hệ quả nơi làm việc. Các mối quan hệ nơi công sở, đặc biệt là giữa quản lý và nhân viên, thường bị cấm đoán ở nhiều công ty. Dây dưa với sếp có thể đặt cả hai vào tình huống nguy hiểm là mất việc. Nếu hành vi tán tỉnh của bạn không được chấp thuận hay quá lố, bạn đang đối mặt với hiểm họa vượt quá ranh giới từ tán tỉnh thành quấy rối tình dục, điều mà đa số nơi sẽ sa thải bạn ngay lập tức. Cuối cùng, bạn có thể mất uy tín hoặc danh tiếng, niềm tin tại công ty.

• Thậm chí tương tác sau giờ làm với sếp cũng có thể được dùng làm lý do hợp lệ để một hoặc cả hai bị sai thải, nên hãy cảnh giác!
• Hãy nghiên cứu quy định quan hệ của công ty bạn trước khi tiến đến bất kỳ hành vi tán tỉnh nàp. Nếu chưa có quy định đó, hãy hỏi phòng nhân sự để được hỗ trợ.
• Nếu bạn ngại đặt câu hỏi vì sợ mọi người đàm tiếu, hãy nhớ rằng họ sẽ còn buôn chuyện nhiều hơn nếu bạn dính líu đến sếp mình, nên hãy tính đến điều đó trong quyết định.

Cân nhắc những hệ quả xã hội. Nếu tán tỉnh sếp không khiến bạn gặp rắc rối trong công việc, nó vẫn sẽ gây mất lòng. Các đồng nghiệp khác có thể khinh thường vì bạn cưa cẩm sếp hoặc ghen tỵ nếu bạn được đối xử đặc biệt hơn nhờ thả thính. Bạn cũng có thể bị xấu hổ nếu việc tán tỉnh không thành, hoặc mối quan hệ không kết thúc tốt đẹp.

Tiến hành thận trọng. Bạn đã quyết định mọi chuyện đáng để mạo hiểm và tiến đến giai đoạn thả thính sếp. Giờ thì hãy cẩn thận! Bởi vì có quá nhiều nguy cơ, nên cách tiếp cận tốt nhận là phải thật nhạy bén với mọi cử chỉ đáp lại từ đối phương, hành vi bạn phải đủ tinh tế để không ra ý định tán tỉnh nếu mọi chuyện không tiến hành như mong đợi. Đó gọi là thủ thuật đưa mà không đẩy.

Eye contact. Eye contact is the first lesson in the Flirting 101 handbook, and sometimes it's the only tool you need to express interest. It's equally effective for both men and women and can even make someone feel more attracted to you.

• Try to catch your boss's gaze during meetings and hold it just a little longer than usual.
• When your boss mentions you, make sure to look them in the eye while they’re talking to you.
• Increase opportunities for eye contact by walking past your boss more often or arranging a face-to-face meeting instead of calling or sending an email.
• Remember, it may take more than one glance for the other person to pick up your message. You may need anywhere from 3 to 13 meaningful looks for your boss to realize you're trying to make a connection.
• On the flip side, too much eye contact can make someone uncomfortable, so pay attention to how your boss responds. If they avoid your gaze or seem uneasy, tone it down.

Smile. It may sound simple, but a genuine, friendly smile can be incredibly appealing. Don’t worry about any wrinkles or crow’s feet; sometimes, they’re proof of a natural, sincere smile. Flash a genuine smile every time you see your boss to let them know you’re happy to see them.

• It may be hard to practice a genuine smile, but if you want to see what it looks like, think of something funny and look at yourself in the mirror.

Stay focused. Pay close attention when your boss is speaking, and try to appear engaged, even if you're not particularly interested in the topic. Ask questions to show you’re paying attention and make enthusiastic comments (e.g., 'Wow, I didn’t know that!').

• Don’t overdo it. Genuine interest is more important than appearing overly focused.
• Mirroring your boss’s body language while speaking is a subtle way to show you’re engaged.

Casually touch. This may be the riskiest move when flirting with your boss, but it’s also one of the most effective ways to show your affection. Don’t take this step unless you've received clear, positive signals from earlier interactions (e.g., your boss responds to your gaze, smiles, and seems to pay attention to you).

• Initiate a handshake and smile at the end of a meeting.
• Try lightly tapping their forearm or shoulder when speaking to your boss.
• When your boss cracks a joke, laugh and place your hand on their arm. Hold it for a second and then let go.
• Avoid any overly affectionate or suggestive actions at work. This includes shoulder rubs, hugs, or placing hands on knees. Even if the other person is interested, you could still get fired.

Watch for signs. Flirting with your boss is a risky game, so be attentive to every response and move slowly. If your gaze is met, things seem to be going well. However, if your boss seems to avoid eye contact, frown, or brush past you, it means you’ve made them uncomfortable, and you should stop immediately.

Avoid irreversible actions. You might send a flirty message or email to someone you like outside of working hours, but once it's sent, it’s hard to retract or ignore if things don’t work out. It's best to avoid such behavior when it comes to office flirtation or relationships.

• Remember, in many cases, employers have the right to monitor any emails you send or receive on company computers, or even messages and calls made on company phones.
• If your flirting progresses to texting or emailing, make sure to do so on your personal computer, phone, or email address.

Be honest and direct. If things are going well, someone will need to take the initiative for the relationship to move forward. Given the complexity of workplace relationships, it’s better to have an open discussion about the situation rather than diving straight into physical advances. Be clear about your intentions and give your boss a chance to respond. It may feel awkward, but it’s important that both of you are on the same page before moving forward.

• Invite your boss for coffee or lunch, then bring up the subject.
• Approach the topic gently and leave room for yourself if you misread the situation.
• For example, you can start with some casual work-related talk and then ask, 'What do you think about office relationships?' Their response will give you a clear indication of whether to proceed or stop.
• Remember: If it turns out you misread the situation and your boss isn't interested, you’ll feel less embarrassed because you had an honest conversation instead of waiting until you tried to kiss them or worse.