Buzz
When a relationship comes to an end, it might feel like life has hit a standstill. You may constantly feel their presence everywhere, making it difficult to move forward in the moment. However, it doesn’t have to stay this way. By adjusting your environment, gaining control over your thoughts, and keeping yourself occupied, things can gradually fade into the past. Follow the steps below to let go of that person and move toward a happier, healthier, and more fulfilled version of yourself.
Steps
Eliminate Negative Reminders
Stop meeting up. You won’t be able to forget someone if you keep seeing them every day or constantly hear about their activities. Implement the following strategies:
- Ensure you don’t accidentally run into this person during your daily routines. If you usually shop at the same time or share a commute, adjust your schedule slightly to minimize the chances of crossing paths.
- For now, avoid social gatherings where you know they’ll be present. Politely explain to the host that you hope the event goes well, and your absence is simply to avoid an uncomfortable encounter.
Remove them from your online life. In today’s digital age, we often stay connected through screens. Even if you don’t see them in person, it’s easy to keep up with their activities. While it may seem harsh, eliminate them from all your social media platforms.
- Delete their contact information from your phone and email accounts.
- Block their profiles on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other platforms.
- Take additional steps to avoid unwanted encounters. If necessary, consider changing your email address.
Ask mutual friends to stop updating you about them. Something exciting might have happened in their life, but you don’t need to know. If a friend forgets and mentions them, gently remind them of your request and say, "Jane, I’m sorry, but thinking about Bill makes me sad. Maybe we can talk about something else."
- However, you can add an exception to this rule: sometimes, knowing certain details can help you move on. For instance, if they’ve started smoking, moved to a new town, or lost their job, let your friends know they can share such information if it helps you find closure.
Remove reminders of them. Clear out anything that brings back painful memories. Not seeing these items daily will make it easier to move forward.
- If you can’t bear to throw certain things away, gather them in a bag and ask a family member or close friend to store them out of sight. Request they keep these items away from you for at least six months.
- Check your music playlist and delete songs that remind you of them. Replace them with upbeat, empowering tracks that boost your confidence.
- If you share a child or pet with them, focus on nurturing and providing a good life for them instead.
Shift Your Perspective
Don’t let revenge consume you. Understand that wanting revenge (by making them jealous, sad, or regretful) still means you’re thinking about them. You can’t move on if you’re obsessed with retaliation, so learn to let go of that mindset.
- If you believe in karma or a higher power, trust that they’ll eventually face the consequences of their actions.
- If you don’t believe in cosmic justice, accept that life isn’t always fair. It’s unfair that they hurt you, but that doesn’t justify retaliatory actions.
- Remember George Herbert’s saying: "Living well is the best revenge." By moving forward and refusing to stoop to their level, you show them their actions don’t affect you.
Set aside time to process your emotions. If you’ve tried everything but still can’t stop thinking about that person, try a different approach. Allocate a specific time (about 1-2 hours) to sit down and write out all your feelings about what happened. Once the time is up or you’ve run out of things to say (whichever comes first), close the document and store it away. Later, if you find yourself wanting to dwell on them, remind yourself, "No, I’ve already expressed all my feelings about this. I won’t waste more time on it."
- You can allow yourself 10-15 minutes a day to feel emotional if absolutely necessary. When the time is up, tell yourself you’ll think about it again tomorrow. As days pass, you’ll need these moments less. Even realizing you need them less will help you feel better.
Distract your mind. Fortunately, you are in control of your thoughts. You don’t have to think about something if you don’t want to. Keep yourself busy with studies, work, or a project to focus your mind. When you have other things to think about, thoughts of that person will naturally fade.
- If you catch yourself thinking about them, redirect your focus. We all daydream and find ourselves lost in unexpected thoughts. When those thoughts arise, tell yourself you won’t dwell on them now (or later—hint: you won’t need to). Find someone to talk to, a game, or anything that captures your attention, even for a few minutes—that’s enough.
Avoid emotional songs or movies. Trying to forget someone can already make you emotionally vulnerable. You don’t need external influences to deepen those feelings, so stick to upbeat music and watch shows or movies that lift your spirits.
- Remind your friends of this too. They can keep things light to help you avoid overthinking. When you need a boost, call them—they’ll know how to cheer you up.
Value yourself. It’s likely the person you’re trying to forget did something wrong. After all, they didn’t appreciate you as they should have. This type of person doesn’t belong in your life. When you value yourself, you’ll realize this more easily. They didn’t treat you well, and that’s that. Spend your time with those who truly appreciate you.
- Remember, self-confidence makes moving on easier. You’re amazing! The world is full of opportunities waiting for you. What’s next for you?
Bring Happiness Back
Pursue your passions. Redirect your energy by replacing the time you’d spend on that person (or thinking about them) with a new activity. Start a hobby you’ve always wanted to try, join a local sports league, or begin a new fitness routine. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s engaging enough to fully capture your attention and keep your mind occupied.
- Mastering a new skill and improving yourself will boost your confidence. You might even feel like a new, better version of yourself—someone too good for the person you’re trying to forget. This self-improvement journey will strengthen your self-esteem and bring you peace.
Eat well and exercise. Have you ever gone through a phase of binge-eating junk food and lounging around watching bad reality TV? Surprisingly, it’s not enjoyable—being lazy and unhealthy makes you feel worse. Remember, “a healthy mind can’t exist in an unhealthy body!” Eating nutritious meals and staying active will help you feel energized and maintain a positive outlook on your situation and yourself.
- Plan a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Balance fiber, protein, complex carbs, and healthy fats (like those found in fish, nuts, or olive oil). Avoid processed fast food—it might taste good initially but will only slow you down.
- Aim for 30 minutes of daily exercise, whether it’s walking, swimming, running, dancing, or even cleaning. Break it into smaller sessions if your schedule is tight. Even small efforts, like parking farther away to walk more, count toward your fitness goals.
Spend time with friends and family. The best way to keep your mind and schedule busy while staying positive is to surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you. Whether it’s your mom, sister, best friend, theater group, or basketball team, spend quality time with them. They’ll keep you smiling and remind you of all the exciting things life still has to offer.
- When you feel like hiding under the covers, allow yourself an hour at home, then push yourself to accept an invitation and join social activities. You might not realize it at first, but by the end of the day, you’ll be glad you went out.
Give yourself time. The human mind has an incredible ability to heal. The old saying, “time heals all wounds,” holds true across generations. Your brain naturally focuses on the present, lets go of the past, and often reshapes memories to make sense of them. So, relax if weeks have passed and you’re still not over it. Healing takes time. Your brain will help you forget if you’re patient.
- Grieving is normal and necessary in most cases. There are five stages, and it might take a while to move through them. Be patient with yourself—you’ll feel better as time goes on.
Forgive and let go. Ultimately, you can’t truly forget someone without forgiving them. If you’ve followed the steps above and still can’t move on, focus on forgiveness. No one is perfect—they’re just human, and these things happen. Life goes on.
- Don’t forget to forgive yourself. Most of us hold onto self-blame more easily than blaming others. Remember, at that time, you did what you thought was right, and so did they. No one is at fault. The past is behind you, and it’s best to leave it there. This is the healthiest way to move forward.
Advice
- Forgetting someone can help you move forward, but try not to forget the lessons learned from the relationship. That time won’t be wasted if you’ve gained something valuable from it.
- Never attempt to reach out to them. They might try to contact you, but stay firm in your decision and don’t let them back into your life. Remember why you left in the first place.
- Long-term relationships are harder to forget, but understand that you deserve better and no one is perfect. Life goes on, and people move forward. Don’t waste your time!
- Don’t obsess over closure. Stop contact now and avoid dramatic gestures (like sending a lengthy goodbye email). Simply let it end.
- Do things differently from what you used to do with that person. Seek out new experiences.
- Don’t try to retrieve your belongings. Unless it’s something significant like a diamond ring, it’s best not to contact them. DVDs, clothes, or special items—just let them go. They’re just things. Is a pair of underwear worth the pain of seeing them again? Don’t trade your dignity for trivial possessions.
- Avoid jumping into a new relationship to forget the old one—it rarely works.
- Don’t try to hate them, as hatred will only make you obsessed, keeping them in your thoughts and causing discomfort.
- Remember, some people may always hold a small place in your heart, no matter how tiny.
- Don’t check their Instagram, Facebook, or any social media. Seeing them happy with someone else will only hurt you.
Warnings
- Never resort to violence.
- If months have passed and you still can’t stop thinking about them, consider seeing a therapist.
